Maui Crispness

Posted on August 21, 2011 by judisunshine

So back in 1997, my family took a trip to HAWAII!!! ™The Brady Bunch. It was an amazing time. We were there for ten days. The first five I spent bike riding down a volcano at the crack of dawn, jogging on the beach, swimming in the Pacific, and eating at a restaurant with swans swimming around right by the table. Hawaii was everything everyone had ever cracked it up to be and more. Maui is literally the most beautiful place I’ve ever been in my life, in every way, and really want to go back as soon as I can, because those first five days…dude.

The second five days I spent in my pajamas, reading a bunch of books, and crying a lot. Because what happened was you see, that by the sixth day, I had achieved an Irish girl triumph: The Base Tan. Everyone knows you have to come back from Hawaii golden and glowing and generally looking like you’ve spent the past week having sex while on a lot of sedatives. And it’s like you know how you always admire and appreciate the perfectedly toasted marshmallow, but you inevitably lose your patience and just stick it in the fire and it’s still good? But every now and then, you try to have a little dignity and make a grownup toasted marshmallow? It was like that. I was in Hawaii, not Point Lookout, and could not do the Irish girl Burn-Tan. This tan had to be acquired gracefully and with elegance.

Which by the sixth day I was radiating with, and even wore the Look-How-Casually-I-Can-Wear-White-‘Cause-Of-My-Bitchin’-Tan Dress! And what I thought was that my Bitchin’ Tan didn’t need no Effin’ Sunscreen. Surely I could go sit under the shade for 20 minutes by the pool at 4:30 in the afternoon…

How it played out was not unlike the unraveling of events in The Perm Incident of ’89. Things started out all right, a little pink, nothing major, a little red…uh-oh…until all hell broke loose and I started becoming a lobster. Not just in the red way, but in the boiling in the pot kind of way, only the pot was inside my skin. It was painful, and disgusting, and horrifying, and I couldn’t sleep, and the next morning we were all supposed to take a helicopter ride over the island. Not only was I in pain, but the only way to describe how I looked was to say that I was like the incarnation of first-night-of-the-breakup face. Where you feel like your tears are following you around the next day like a hangover, ’cause you’re all salty and swollen and sad.

So I don’t know, I think the sun gods were angry at me because I bucked tradition by refusing to go to the luau, but I kind of hate “Let’s have fun!” events ’cause it’s awkward due I’m SURE to being a cheerleader for six years in a completely unironic way, and now there is such a vast residual deposit of sunshine and rainbows and general jingle-jangle fluttering about in my brain, that I feel about luaus much the same way as former acid freaks feel about the Cat in the Hat ride at Islands of Adventure.

Also, I was scared of the roasted pig.

So as penance for opting to hang out with Robb and boycott the luau, I had to spend the rest of my vacation indoors, having failed initiation. It was all good though, I still got to read It by Stephen King, you know? And a a bunch of other stuff I don’t recall. The words were probably too blurred by my tears. And my blistering skin.

If only Baz Luhrmann’s poetry had been around two years earlier…

© June 13 (Happy birthday, Nanny Posch!), 2007

Posted in Body Image, Family, Uncategorized, Vacations | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Magic Mirrors, Magic Mushroom Kids

Posted on August 20, 2011 by judisunshine

In August 1980, when I was almost five years old, I was on “Romper Room” for a week. Not the Miss Molly one, the Miss Mary Anne one. She was I think, the second host(ess) of the show? Either way, she was the REAL “Romper Room” host, before Miss Molly just made the whole thing about singing every week to her freaky puppets. Miss Mary Anne interacted with the children.

And she really liked me, Miss Mary Anne did, in the way that most subsequent teachers would. I was polite, intelligent, and smarter than most kids my age, which I would feel more braggarty about saying, were it not for the fact that I can barely afford my rent as an adult.

But so yeah, teachers and I always had that weird relationship, where they’d love me and be drawn to my precociousness until they got unnerved by my strange, freaky little brain that just didn’t follow a very linear path.

Case in point:

A big theme of “Romper Room” the week I was on was preparing us for school, since we were all entering kindergarten. In one segment, Miss Mary Anne and the kids sat around a mat that had all different school supplies, like paper, pencils, scissors, etc.

The task before us was to pick two different school supplies that could ostensibly be used together. Obviously, you want like, a pencil with paper, or crayons with a coloring book. But I was with a particularly dull little group of children, and they were like, picking up two crayons with a glaze over their eyes. I think maybe they were sedated.

So then I raise my hand, and Miss Mary Anne looks at me all relieved, like, “Judith will have the answer.” And many times when teachers called on me, I did have a good answer.

But then other times, my brain would spin off into SunshineLand, and this was one of those times. Miss Mary Anne’s face fell as I enthusiastically picked up…two pieces of paper.

Miss Mary Anne: (inaudible sigh) Okay, Judith picked up…two pieces of paper. Judith? (last glimmer of hope) How could you use these pieces of paper together?

Me: (performance anxiety silence)

Miss Mary Anne: …

Me: You could…keep one…and give one to another person!

Miss Mary Anne: Oh, well that’s very nice, but we’re looking for a way to use them together…

Me: (crestfallen)

Miss Mary Anne: (“DIDN’T YOU USED TO BE SMART!”)

Me: (losing my religion)

Miss Mary Anne: Well…maybe…maybe you could fold them!

Me: (huge, beaming, desperately grateful smile, nods head effusively)

Miss Mary Anne: (sits in fearful anticipation for the rest of the show)

***LATER THAT EPISODE***

“Romper Room” would do a lot of human interest/cultural awareness stuff, and on this day, they had a representative from the local ASPCA on the show. He brought with him two identical kittens. They were so cute!!! I always loved kittens and cats, and wished I could have one myself. So I was mesmerized, for the approximately seven minutes that the kittens were on the set.

Fast forward to wayyyy later in the day, and we were going over school traffic safety, reviewing various signs and their meanings. Miss Mary Anne went over them with us, AND we watched an entire long, boring movie about signs and safety.

Afterwards, Miss Mary Anne quizzed us. “Now,” she said, pointing to a “STOP” sign, or something equally obvious, “What does this mean, when we see this.”

I raised my hand very seriously.

“Yes! Judith,” Miss Mary Anne said, obviously hoping I would redeem myself for the Two Papers Fiasco.

“Those…those kittens looked like twins!”

Ba-DUNK!

Seriously, it was amazing. Miss Mary Anne was an improv pro, but she got all visibly thrown, like “What the hell is WRONG with this child!” but also fascinated, because, like, “What the hell was WRONG with this child,” you know?

“Well…yes,” she stuttered, quickly regaining her footing. “Yes, they were probably from the same litter…and SPEAKING of pets, well — maybe — what are some ways we can keep PETS safe outside, using our school traffic safety laws!”

Awesome.

And no, even my memory is not so psychotic that I remember all of this in detail, but for years, I had a videotape of my week on the show. It’s since gone missing, which breaks my heart, but I’m very glad to have gotten to watch it. If for no other reason than nowadays when I get that very same exact giant facial question mark from people, I can laugh it off as a “Those kittens look like twins” look. And I get very, very many of those.

© May 22, 2007

Posted in Childhood, School, TV, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 7 Comments

Days of Our 9 Lives

Posted on August 18, 2011 by judisunshine

Chip: (Putter putter putter.)

Dr. von Rockenstein: (Putter putter putter!)

Chip: (ZOOM!)

Doc: (ZOOM!)

Chip/Doc: I WANT THE CATNIP BAG!

Chip: I always get my way, and you know it!

Doc: But what YOU don’t seem to understand, is that every bit of my passive energy is saved for CATNIP ACQUISITION!

Chip: (BAM!)

Doc: (KA-POW!)

Chip: (Full Nelson!)

Doc: (Rapid bunny-feet kicks to FACE!)

Chip: WHY AREN’T YOU BACKING DOWN!

Doc: It’s CATNIP, son!

Chip: (Frantic, yet unspired, flailing about.)

Doc: (Three nice, solid SMACKS to Chip’s face!)

Chip: I am MALE, and also INSANE, and do you ACTUALLY want to deal with me! Am I REALLY worth ALL THAT!

Doc: …No. You know what? No. Fuck you.

Chip: That’s RIGHT, bitch!

Doc: (Leaves.)

Chip: ….

Chip: (Frantically molests bag of catnip as if in one-night stand of ersatz passion.)

Chip: …

Chip: Ummm…

Chip: (Leaves.)

Doc: (Sadly walks over, witnesses carrion that was once her True Great Love, the ironically-named “50-pound” burlap bag o’ catnip.)

Doc: (Looks at bag lovingly, but it has been ravaged by Chip, and the relationship is over.)

Doc: (Lies down, gazes longingly at virtual past laying on bathroom floor.)

Chip: (Trots back over.)

Chip: HA! That’s…right.

Doc: 😦

Chip: ‘s cool, Baby. You know how it is, rockin’ and rollin’, and what not.

Doc: How DARE you try to tired pop culture me out of my grief.

Chip: I know! I know. You um…wanna go get something to eat?

Doc: I guess I could eat.

Chip/Doc: (Move sadly towards kitchen, not looking, not touching.)

Chip: (Munch munch munch.)

Doc: (Munch…munch…munch…)

Chip: Half done, wanna trade?

Doc: (Sad, yearning smile.)

Doc: (Finally feeling full weight of situation, turns away, walks slowly into bedroom.)

Chip: (Sits in kitchen, disinterested in food. Ponders what he has done.)

Posted in Cats, Family, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Coke Caps Part Two: The Website of Doom

Posted on August 15, 2011 by judisunshine

So it’s been awhile now, since I wrote to Hank, begging for a MyThirst ID. And enough time had passed that I felt I should give it another go.

This time there will be no games. No lies — this time I will not pretend to have been born on February 29th in a leap year that didn’t exist.

My birthdate? August 31, 1975 (Same (day) as Van Morrison, Chris Tucker, Debbie Gibson, and Brian! Hi, Brian!).

My email address? Okay, I will just put it out there. No hiding behind the comfort of my various Yahoo!® accounts. I, Hank, am Thea4ever@aol.com, and have been for ten years now.

Why, yes I AM a U.S. citizen! I’ve been places, though, and am cultured and stuff. I went jogging in a town square in Germany by myself at one in the morning, in my HOT ’91 exercise outfit that consisted of shiny black spandex biker shorts and a fluorescent pink bathingsuit. No, I’m totally serious. Also, most likely, a jogging bra or two. And anyway, I really don’t think anything of going jogging in the middle of the night, not even in Germany, and so but yeah, the German cops were all, “Flittendee bok bok grr das a vee bock!” And I am all, “Nieche Deutsche (sp?)!” And long story short(er), I guess they didn’t want it on their consciences that a dumb American girl was murdered on their watch only two months shy of her Sweet 16. So I had to go back to my hotel room.

Okay, well I’m doing that thing where I chatter on to avoid being vulnerable. It’s why I sometimes get a little offended by people who unequivocally despise Lorelai Gilmore.

As I was saying…let’s move on to the next page!

Name? Judith Posch. Gender? Female. It’s true. Email address? Well, I did just tell you, but I understand if you’re feeling a bit needy at this time, given my dishonesty in the past. I was never 47 years old, or 11 3/4 years old, if you are to believe the false leap year. So yes, I’ll say it again: Thea4ever@aol.com.

Password? To paraphrase Tom Hanks in “Saving Private Ryan,” because I can’t get the exact quote, since Google® and I are apparently in a fight, “That’s just for me.” And Hank, of course.

Also just between Hank and me is my address, because I am not as stupid as I used to be regarding Internet safety. Sorry, Shannon!

Next question. Would I like to use my phone to enter my codes? No. No, I definitely would not like to do that.

Now I am signing my life away, by clicking that I — check! — agree to sell my soul to Coca-Cola® in order to win possibly a trip to someplace where I promise not to jog at night! But more likely, will be for a liter of Coke! Which is very very annoying, because it’s like, impossible to redeem, and when you do, the cashiers totally hate you! I know, because I was one of those cashiers! Seriously, my conflicting emotions right now are enough for like, a whole night on the WB (RIP)!

Now, I am being asked which type of Coke I prefer: Diet Coke, Coca-Cola, or Coke Zero? First of all, can I just say that Coke Zero is like the opposite of Crystal Pepsi (RIP, say hi to the WB for me!). See the thing is that Crystal Pepsi was actually kind of pretty disgusting. But no one talks about that. It’s like the friend that everyone hates and phases out, but once he’s gone, you wax nostalgic about him. Because see, Crystal Pepsi was beautiful. It was all image, but such a lovely image. Of Sammy Hagar-era Van Halen singing about RIGHT NOW — don’t wait for tomorrow! Crystal Pepsi was all about believing that YOU could dive into that C/crystal-clear pool and be renewed. Even though it really wasn’t very good. Crystal Pepsi was the Mischa Barton of sodas!

Wait, what? Oh, right, Coke Zero is like the opposite of Crystal Pepsi, because it is all dark and scary, and looks like a poster for a horror movie that will be either really terrible or really awesome. I don’t want to be afraid while drinking an ostensibly refreshing beverage. But you know, I really haven’t tried Coke Zero that I remember. Maybe I should give it a chance. Maybe Coke Zero is Rachel Bilson! After all, Crystal Pepsi died WAY before Coke Zero!

Okay. I obviously can’t click Coke Zero, and I DO love Diet Coke, but really try hard not to drink it since the summer of ’89 when, in addition to having the worst hair of my entire life, I was heavily addicted to Diet Coke. So I will click regular Coke.

“Would you like to sign up and receive information on special offers, sweepstakes, new products and other great information from MyCokeRewards?” Definitely not. Although it’s kind of sweet, the optimism with which Coke clicks “Yes” for you at first.

“Would you like to receive emails from The Coca-Cola Company about other brands, new products or promotions?” Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy there, Coke! Let’s just get through this together, and worry about what the future holds for us later on.

“*Periodically, we will send you emails and/or mobile communications about MyCokeRewards. What is your preferred language?” Well, okay, then, I guess all of that polite stuff above was just a formality. It’s very much like how I’ve been strong-arming my guests at work into buying add-ons, just so that I can win a contest to go drink beer for free during the day. So I will click English, because as fun as it might be in theory to receive text messages and emails in Spanish? Well, I think we’ve all learned our lesson about that from drunken nights at the ATM.

Enter security code…I always hate these. I get total performance anxiety.

We’re doing it — oh my goodness, am I about to receive an elusive MyThirst ID?! I feel just like Dorothy when she finally meets the Wizard, and kind of can’t help but expect Coke to have nothing in that black bag for me.

And sure enough. But not ONLY do I watch my MyThirst ID once again soar away in a figurative hot-air balloon, but like, you know how I just wrote out everything I did to get this far, and its length rivaled an Ayn Rand novel? Well, all of THAT led to THIS:

  • error

    We apologize, an unexpected error has occurred. Please try again

    • So not ONLY do they unceremoniously reject me after making me bare my soul, but they can’t even be bothered to put a period after “again”?

    That’s it. It is ON. I really have to go to bed at some point before the sun rises, but as soon as I can, Hank is getting a PIECE OF MY MIND!!!

    © March 28, 2007

    Posted in Food, Miscellaneous, Uncategorized | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

    Life Lessons of the Day

    Posted on August 15, 2011 by judisunshine

    – When before you even open your eyes in the morning, your first thought is “I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight,” that is alarming.

    – There is nothing like reading The New York Post to make you feel like the world is a very stupid place.

    – That being said, you may realize that you’ve read more of the Post than any other newspaper in recent history.

    – Speaking of newspapers, The New York Times crossword puzzle is written in secret, maddening code.

    – You will be able to name your metal band just by reading newspaper headlines. For example: “Cobra Venom Dope Probe.” Excellent.

    – You get better tips when you don’t show up for work unshowered and sporting remarkably stupid hair.

    – Or so you remember.

    – You will never know true frustration until you try to explain to someone why the soup is actually the regular, printed price, and not the two-dollar one that she made up in her head.

    – Hot coffee cascading down over your hand sounds romantic in theory, but is actually quite painful.

    – “All I Need” by Jack Wagner is a song to make you smile if ever there was one.

    – It’s very funny and cool when your cat pees in the toilet, but also kind of creepy, because you no longer feel alone in your apartment.

    – Your first thought of the day may be, “I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight,” but that does not mean that you are powerful enough to resist a “Six Feet Under” marathon on Bravo.

    © February 6, 2007

    Posted in Lists, TV | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

    Blonde Ambition

    Posted on August 11, 2011 by judisunshine

    If you are going to get to know me at all, then I really must explain to you my hair in 1989.

    First, you need to understand just how much we as girls in the ’80s needed to look like  sitcom stars. We’re talking pre-Internet, even pre-Hairstyle magazines that sometimes still have “The Rachel” on the cover. All we had was television and Teen Beat. For me, my actress hair of choice was Brooke Theiss, Wendy Lubbock from “Just the Ten of Us.” I saw this goal as achievable. However, in order to attain it, I had to get more serious about achieving both the perfect white-blonde, and the perfect curl in my pin-straight hair.

    Step one, obviously, was to use Touch of Sun (like Sun-In, only “better”). Every single morning, I was like someone on “The O.C.,” waking up at approximately 4am. For them, it’s to bond with parents and go to the diner for several hours and also possibly get into a fistfight. For me, it was to shower, spray Touch of Sun all over my head, and then blow dry my hair. Over and over.

    All the effort was paying off. My hair was finally getting white blonde — excellent! I was well on my way to the perfect “Wendy,” when I got sidetracked unexpectedly by the reigning queen of television girls: Alyssa Milano.

    Alyssa Milano was, of course, the best one out there, because not only was she so pretty, but every boy in the world loved her, including Smurf. Hi, Smurf! And see, in the past, I never even ATTEMPTED to emulate Alyssa Milano, because she had that thick, wavy, long, Italian hair that I’d spent my life deeply envying, knowing it would never be mine.

    But all of a sudden! Alyssa Milano had a new hairdo! It was layered, with thick bangs. And much like Alexis Bledel today, Alyssa Milano defied all natural odds to become even more beautiful!

    And the brilliant thing was, I already had bangs. So obviously, all I had to do was cut my hair to look like Alyssa’s! Forget Brooke Theiss! I wanted the best!

    Obviously, the next scene found me in my room in front of my…slanted…mirror, with a pair of dull scissors.

    Yeah.

    Ignoring all laws of nature, and physics, and, I’m even guessing, geometry, I set out to transfom my just-below-shoulder-length, super-fine, super-straight, (not naturally white) blonde, Irish-girl hair into…Alyssa Milano’s hair. Which, BTW, was almost down to her waist.

    “WHAT HAVE I DONE? SWEET JESUS, WHAT HAVE I DONE?” I might have sung if I had been transported to a future with “Les Miserables,” but if I HAD had access to a time machine, a great many of my problems would have been solved, such as the fact that I now sported an, albeit whitish blonde, upside-down staircase on my head where my hair used to be!

    WTF!

    I made the most of it, and thanks to the popularity of alligator and banana clips, as well as the laser light show of bangs that I sported, I could basically cover up the damage and wait for time to work its sweet, sweet magic.

    Crisis mostly averted. All was well. The end.

    Only here is where Stripe JUMPS INTO THE POOL to unleash hell on earth! Because just when you think life is safe again…I buy a home perm!

    I must have started watching “Just the Ten of Us” again. Or seen one too many Ogilvie® commercials DURING “Just the Ten of Us,” because while I can explain to you the misguided logic behind both the Touch of Sun and the scissors, I absolutely cannot explain why I decided to give myself a home perm the night before I had to go to sleepaway camp for the first time ever.

    And yet.

    There was something about the combination, in the ’80s, of plastic rods, rolling papers, and the smell of sulphur. For a girl like me, who dreamed her whole life of having curly hair, these things symbolized power. Control. The ability to take control over my hair destiny.

    Well, this perm went as all my other perms and bodywaves that had gone before it — unimpressive, limp, but slightly wavy! TRIUMPH!

    Until.

    Like I’ve said, I have super fine, soft hair. When the air gets humid, my hair doesn’t frizz, it rolls over and dies. So I was completely unprepared for the sensation of my hair…growing outwardly…as my mother drove me to Shannon’s house, where I was sleeping over so we could leave for camp in the morning.

    Shannon greeted me with a look that can only be described as quizzical. “Did you do something different to your hair?” she nervously asked.

    “Oh, I gave myself a perm,” I said as nonchalantly as I could, trying with all of my cheerleading spirit to squelch the sense of panic I was feeling as my hair expanded around me like Violet when she turns into a blueberry.

    “Oh!…”

    Okay, now you see, Shannon was (hee!) the nicest person in the WORLD. And to this day, she remains the most diplomatic of friends, the best at getting along with everyone. So for SHANNON to not throw me an “It looks nice” bone was a BAD SIGN.

    I rushed to the mirror in Shannon’s hallway.

    “Oh my God!” I cried.

    Shannon continued to look confused, and at this point I realized that the look I mistook as confusion was actually one of worry and concern.

    My hair…MY HAIR!

    You know how in television when people suffer loss, how sometimes they go through really stupid and self-destructive behavior, but it doesn’t affect them until that ONE moment, where it all of a sudden HITS them and they just break down and sob? Like Rory, when she breaks up with Dean. Like Willow, when she decides to stop being evil and start being real.

    Like me, when I stood in front of the mirror, and saw a yellow, upside-down staircase of straw, uber-poofy “hair.”

    Ohhhhhhh. Nooooooo.

    Apparently, putting nasty perm chemicals on top of BLEACH doesn’t exactly lend itself to a positive end result. And worst of all…

    …I HAD TO GO TO CAMP TOMORROW! And I truly believe that this is what spawned my present-day social anxiety. I mean, as it was, by 8th grade, I weighed 130 pounds and was carting around a DD chest. I wasn’t fat at ALL, but I thought I was, considering that I lived in a Lilliputian land, like what IS it with Christian girls? Every girl at my school and from camp was like five foot one and weighed 90 pounds. So as it WAS, I had deep-seated (seeded? SOMEONE TELL ME!) body issues.

    And you can say, well stop being shallow for half a second and just have fun, but: please see the opening paragraphs. Junior high was not a time for self-possession and objectivity. That was what college was for, only then you felt bad for not being self-possessed, so you ate ice cream and wore ugly sweatshirts.

    But as a 13-year-old girl on your way to camp with people you’ve never met before, you don’t care about your energetic spirit, or your ability to make people laugh. You care about the fact that some BITCH (who was actually a sweetheart) named Lauren has the perfect white-blonde hair, even perfecter than Wendy’s!

    And hers is natural.

    And meanwhile, yours has gone from the “Wendy” to the “Ray Bolger.”

    And 14 years later, with absolutely no irony, you purchase another home perm. But fear of the past gives you pause.

    And you leave it in your cabinet, but move it with you from apartment to apartment.

    And you wonder: Elliott from “Scrubs” maintains that all women are still 13-year-old girls inside. So the question is, will that inner 13-year-old once again have her way with the setting lotion?

    Only time will tell.

    hair

    Posted in Body Image, Celebrities, Childhood, Entertainment, Friends, The '80s, Vacations, Women | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

    Well That’s Soda Disappointing!

    Posted on August 9, 2011 by judisunshine

    I hate Coke® bottlecaps now. Remember back in the day, when you just had to open the bottle and look at the cap? Maybe not, because I am 50 years older than most of you, but you used to be able to just know by looking at the cap if you’d won a NEW bottle of Coke! (NOT New Coke!) Instant gratification and/or rejection! Free 2-liter bottle! Sorry, try again! Either way, you knew what you were getting. Now it’s like:

    K6745859337
    R9857382385
    D2389547645

    And you’re supposed to go to their site? And input the numbers? Which is doubly annoying, because I hate “input” as a verb.

    These have been pissing me off for as long as I can remember. Well, not literally, or else my first paragraph would make no sense. But you know what I am saying. They’ve been around for too damn long, and much like the BC tray rule of present time, I yearned for their inevitable retreat into obscurity, to no avail.

    So okay, fine. I’ve been told (in (usually) nicer ways) that sometimes I am a closed-minded beeyotch. Maybe that’s the case here. Let’s find out, then. Let’s find out if technology has somehow managed to make the bottlecaps of today even more fun than the bottlecaps of yore.

    What do I have to do first? I can barely read this thing! And I am the friend in the group who, maybe I can’t hear a word you’re saying from two feet away if, you know, there is a truck making some noise 25 miles in the distance, but dammit, I can read a street sign from 500 feet away in the middle of the night! So if I can barely read this thing, Coca-Cola® really should maybe reconsider their packaging.

    Okay, so I can either enter my code at the website, TEXT them (WTF, no way, I learned my lesson the time in that one drunken moment of weakness when that warmhearted psychic on TV said she could answer just one question for me), and/OR call them at an 866 number.

    And now, I think I really need to rethink my “career” “aspirations,” because I am currently hardpressed to think of a more awesome job, material-wise, than talking to people all day who can’t work a bottlecap.

    Anyway, on to the site!

    Ha ha, imagine after all my bitching, I win like, a boat? Or a mystery box! That would be awesome.

    Okay, the site is actually less obnoxious than I’d expected. Sorry, I know that approximately 127 of my friends here are (awesome!) graphic designers, but I am glad that things got toned down there, because for awhile, it was like, “YOU WANT FLASH? I’LL SHOW YOU FLASH!!!” and most websites were just, crazy! And annoying! We seem to have found a happier balance, these days.

    What! I have to register? That’s bullshit, and also kind of creepy. I’m going to use Shannon’s email address. Just kidding, Shannon! But I AM going to use my zack morris email. If the government wants to know what I am drinking, they are just going to have to muster up the effort to spy on my survey bulletins like everyone else!

    Oh, well, look at this, you can ASK them, “Why register?” And — geez — check out their answer:

    Why should you join MyCokeRewards? Because it’s easy for you to get the rewards you want and deserve for drinking Coca-Cola brand products.

    Equal parts amazing and horrifying. Of all the advertising tactics, the one I loathe most is pandering to this country’s sense of merit-less personal entitlement. I mean, because you drink Coke, you DESERVE rewards? I never knew! Let’s move on…

    …to something that I really need to just copy and paste, because…wow:

    Congratulations on joining this exciting new program from Coca-Cola. You’re just a few steps away from earning rewards for drinking your favorite Coca-Cola products, like gift cards, electronics and trips. Just a few more steps and you’ll be on your way.

    Please enter your birthdate, email address and let us know if you are a resident of the United States. All fields are required.

    Let’s get started creating your MyThirst ID.

    Heeee. A “MyThirst ID!”

    Well. Okay. First of all, I decided to be really crafty and say that my birthdate was February 29, 1960, because that wasn’t a real date. My brilliance knows no bounds. BUT, they caught me! Pretty sneaky, sis!

    But they also told me my email address wasn’t valid! Oh no! I guessed I hadn’t signed on in awhile, so yahoo suspended my account. Finally, I put in (inputted, if you will) my Thea4ever address. What’s a bunch more spam in that account? You got me, Coke®.

    But that didn’t work either! So basically, there is meat in my trifle and all of that work was for naught! I have no other choice but to send a concerned letter to the company.

    I feel I should mention that in their unfailing ability to keep a finger on the pulse of what the people really want, Coca-Cola® has provided us with the one and only Hank, the virtual rep! He’s “pretty helpful,” according to those crazy Coke folks!

    (Click.)

    Hank is totally ready to spring into action!

    Photobucket – Video and Image Hosting

    Hank says…

    “Hi, I’m Hank, your virtual assistant for MyCokeRewards!
    If you have a question for me, type it in the box above and I’ll try to come up with an answer for you.”

    Okay. “My email address is invalid, according to y’all.”

    He was not tripped up by the y’all, but he gave me a mealy-mouthed non-answer, much like the time I was working at Welcome Wagon, after months of hearing stupid “Yay, we’re making so much money as a COMPANY, aren’t you so proud! It’s like, we’re fishing and every single person here helps with getting more fish!” I’m not kidding. So during one meeting where I was particularly annoyed, I got my proletariat on and was all, “So when do we get to eat the fish?” and the VP with the nice suits had obviously not read that particular chapter in his Dale Carnegie books, and didn’t really answer me at all. That’s what Hank was like. So now I have to type the Coke folks an email.

    What?!?! Okay, GET THIS. You have to enter all that same information just to contact Coke, and even more, because you have to put in your name! Whatever, I get to type an email. This will be fun. IF they accept my email address!

    Here we go!

    Dear Hank,

    You can imagine my excitement when, upon purchasing some Coca-Cola, I realized that I was getting much more than just a liter of the most delicious beverage ever created! I was also getting a chance to win prizes! Really, just the soda is prize enough for me LOL but I really wanted to check out your website! So I did, and arrived at your site tremendously excited at the prospect of getting my very own MyThirst ID! I don’t even have a library card LOL!

    But imagine my terrible disappointment when my email address was not accepted. My email address is Thea4ever@aol.com. I’ve had it since 1997, when I chose the name based on the awesome Thea Vidale and her self-titled television vehicle starring a young Brandy Norwood. So I am positive that it is a valid email address.

    If you could contact me regarding a way to acquire a MyThirst ID, I would really appreciate it. COKE RULES!

    Love,
    Judith Posch

    W/B/V/S/A/D/G/C/D/I/O/K!

    It went through! So I guess my email address is good enough for the gander, but not the goose. The goose with the golden egg, in this case, because now that I’ve seen the clip art stencil of a boat, I want to win a cruise!

    I’ll keep you guys posted as to whether Hank’s a good guy who calls girls back or not. Keep your fingers crossed!

    – March 6, 2007

    Posted in Food, Miscellaneous, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

    Debbie Gibson’s “Electric Youth”: A Review!

    Posted on August 8, 2011 by judisunshine

    debbie

    “Electric Youth” was Debbie Gibson’s second album. And see, I get that Debbie Gibson might be considered cheesy by some, but I feel that despite her career longevity, her ’80s self is underrated. She wrote all her songs, played guitar and piano, AND produced this entire album from her garage! And let us not forget the AMAZING Electric Youth perfume — bright pink with an “electric” coil running through the middle! So let’s review!

    1. Who Loves Ya, Baby?

    Synopsis: I totally have your back.

    THEN: The chorus kind of got on my nerves, but I still liked it. Plus, the first time I heard it, I was so excited that the new album was out, that it felt full of promise.

    NOW: I got the old excitement when this started! Awesome. And you can tell right off the bat that she had come a long way from her first album.

    GRADE: B-

    2. Lost In Your Eyes

    Synopsis: All that matters is that I’m so in love with you right now.

    THEN: Pure, unadulterated love for this song. Please see: everything I’ve ever said about ’80s ballads, but multiply it by A MILLION, because this is one of the most gorgeous songs EVER. I loved it so much that the first karaoke I ever did, I sang this song. And it went terribly. There is video evidence. You’re not gonna see it. But I will tell you that I was wearing a baja and leggings, and had a perm.

    NOW: Oh wow! I had no idea this came so soon on the album! Guys, this song is just great, plain and simple. One of the best love ballads ever. It’s beautiful, it’s simple, it just is awesome. And, I’ve discovered from karaoke that this song has a huge fan base with guys! That means that so many were liking it back in the day and not admitting it. Which is awesome.

    GRADE: A+

    3. Love In Disguise

    Synopsis: We’re not together, but we’re still in love, and just act like we hate each other.

    THEN: I don’t really remember much about this song except not liking it, especially coming right after “Lost in Your Eyes,” it was a big letdown.

    NOW: Wow, there’s some electric guitar action going on here! This isn’t bad so far…was I wrong to not like it back in the day? Well, it’s okay. Not great, not bad. I don’t have much to say about it, so I will take this opportunity to say that I really love bridges. I miss them. Back in the ’80s, everything had a bridge! Are they considered uncool now? If so, why? What is uncool about a bridge? Bring back the bridge!

    GRADE: C+


    4. Helplessly In Love

    Synopsis: I miss you, and am gonna tell you like a hundred billion times.

    THEN: I think that I hated this song for a long time, then one day it just SPOKE to me ’cause I was all in love with “Herbie,” and he “hated (me).” True story!

    NOW: This song is not my fave, but there’s actually some really interesting stuff going on, and I admire her creativity. There’s like, a bridge in the middle of the song! Then another bridge later on! Uh oh, but here comes the “Melrose Place”-y saxophone thing. Why did every song in the ’80s have that?

    GRADE: B-

    5. Silence Speaks (A Thousand Words)

    Synopsis: Dude, stop being a douchey coward just so I’LL break up with you and you don’t have to get your hands dirty. (Part of that might be my own stuff (TM Willow Rosenberg).)

    THEN: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh. This was AWESOME, because it had a FLUTE. I was so excited about this. And I loved the song. I remember Krysi had the album before I did, because her parents loved her more than mine did, and she came into school all “OMG! Best song ever!” and wrote out all the lyrics to this, and I was all, “So deep.”

    NOW: This is a really pretty song. And sad. Silence really DOES speak a thousand words.

    GRADE: A-


    6. Should’ve Been The One

    Synopsis: It should’ve been you, with me.

    THEN: THIS song has a lot of relevance to my past. First of all, it was another one of my songs for Herbie. Second, and most importantly, Krysi and I realized that this one part totally went with one of our cheers, and we would always do it, along with Shannon. “Here we go!” Debbie cried beforehand, and here we DID go.

    NOW: Yay! This song is fun. And um, Shannon and I still do the cheer. Yes, we have hung around in the aughts, listening to Debbie Gibson, and cheering.

    GRADE: B+

    7. Electric Youth

    Synopsis: Debbie believes the children are our future.

    THEN: Hahaha oh man. This song…classic. And I will tell you a secret now. I set out to learn the entire dance from this video. Because it RULED. That didn’t end up happening, but I could do the whole beginning part. Maybe it’s not too late to learn the rest! This video was so, so awesome. Crazy, synchronized dancing! Wooooooooo!!!

    NOW: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! What can I say to possibly do justice to this? I can’t! So just imagine all the energy in the world in song form.

    GRADE:     A

    8. No More Rhyme

    Synopsis: We’ve never had any real problems, or had to lose each other, so what happens if our complacency ultimately drives us apart?

    THEN:     I loved this song. So pretty. Plus! The video was in black and white! AND featured Danica Mckellar, AKA Winnie Cooper, playing…I think a cello? Some stringed instrument? Although, awesome as that is in and of itself, the video really didn’t make a whole lot of sense, to be completely honest.

    NOW: Another song that I just can’t not still think is beautiful. And it’s actually pretty deep, and you don’t really hear songs about this kind of thing, which is cool.

    GRADE: A-

    9. Over The Wall

    Synopsis: Once we get over this wall, we’ll be all set.

    THEN: I did not care for this song.

    NOW: Same. Sorry, love you Debbie!

    GRADE: F

    10. We Could Be Together

    Synopsis: I’m with this guy, who’s pretty safe and nice and all, but I LOVE you, and if you just say the word, I’m all yours.

    THEN: Wow, I loved this song! And, I know this is going to shock you, but wait for it — it reminded me of a boy! I loved the lyrics.

    NOW: It’s still decent, but hasn’t aged great, especially now that I know the acoustic version, which we’ll get into later. BUT, it still has two bridges, and y’all know how I feel about bridges!

    GRADE: B

    11. Shades Of The Past

    Synopsis: Okay, enough pussyfooting around, are we together, or what!

    THEN: I remember being at strong odds with Krysi (Debbie’s other number one fan) about this song. She LOVED it, and I…did not.

    NOW: I actually like the song more now than some of the others. Still don’t love it, though.

    GRADE: B-

    11. We Could Be Together (Campfire Acoustic Mix)

    Synopsis: Same as the original, but acoustic!

    THEN: Okay, see, I originally just had the tape of “Electric Youth,” and this was only on the CD, which I got later. BONUS! And I liked this version better. PLUS, I was learning how to play it on guitar!

    NOW: Same, but I could do without all the echoey stuff going on. But like I said, it pretty much ruined the original version for me.

    GRADE:     B+


    12. No More Rhyme (Acoustic Mix)

    Synopsis:     Same as the original, but…same as the original.

    THEN: I remember thinking this was a pretty redundant version. It is not an acoustic mix! All it is, is missing the stringed instruments! That’s not the same!

    NOW: Its still such a beautiful song though <333 And although it’s not acoustic, I think I might like this version better now! Wow, scratch that. I definitely like it better! Nice.

    GRADE:     A-

    © August 31, 2006

    Posted in Celebrities, Childhood, Entertainment, Lists, Miscellaneous, Music, Romance, The '80s, Women | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

    Debbie Gibson’s “Out of the Blue”: A Review! (That rhymes.)

    Posted on July 31, 2011 by judisunshine

    Now that I am done reviewing the redheaded rebel of the late ’80s otherwise known as “Tiffany,” it is time to focus on her towheaded arch-nemesis — Debbie Gibson.

    I can’t lie to you. For me, it was not even a contest. While Tiffany sometimes just had the added edge that you needed after a tough day, Debbie Gibson was my soul sister. She was blonde! She was from Merrick! She had a high-pitched voice! I loved her immediately. Well, immediately after I stopped thinking that she and Lisa Lisa were one and the same. But THEN.

    So, let’s all kick back and look at her debut album, that came out when she was only 16 years old — “Out of the Blue!”

    1. Out of the Blue

    Synopsis: She’s in love — out of the blue! It’s like, whoa, where did THIS come from?

    THEN: I really liked this song, but could kind of take it or leave it. Not that that stopped me from spending an entire afternoon transcribing the lyrics from the 45 I bought before the album was released. And from the cover, I learned that you could decorate your knee if you were wearing ripped jeans! Surprisingly difficult in practice.

    NOW: I still like it. It’s a decently strong pop song.

    GRADE: B

    2. Staying Together

    Synopsis: Oh, you’re leaving me? Well, I don’t think so.

    THEN: I wasn’t crazy about this. It was catchy, and I didn’t hate it, but I thought it was pretty repetitive, and also, as cheesy and easily suckered as I was back in the day, I must give myself retroactive props for never really getting down with that whole Stalker = Romantic Fortitude mentality.

    NOW: It’s definitely a fun song in that slightly manic, boppy kind of way. There are mad horns, and she sounds like she’s running all over the place. And she gets all sassy, with talking: “Don’t even think about it…think about it…” Credit for effort, but the fun-ness of the song is brought down by the irritating theme. THOUGH, props for the cheerleading “Here we go!”

    GRADE: C

    3. Only In My Dreams

    Synopsis: I totally messed up by dumping you, but now we’re back together, yay! Ohhhh no, that was only in my dreams

    THEN: This was the song that got me into Debbie Gibson. Her first single, she wrote it when she was 13 years old! It was very fun and nice for the end of 6th grade, when my soccer mom cut had grown out, school was over, and all was right with the world.

    NOW: I’ve gotta say — these are REALLY GOOD lyrics, especially for a 13-year-old. They’re actually kind of mentally complex, as far as these things go. I’m not kidding. And again, another high-energy, fun song. Plus, there are like, maracas! And that thing that you spin it around in your hand and it makes that waka-waka windy noise!

    GRADE: A

    4. Foolish Beat

    Synopsis: Wow, I should not have left you. I’m so sad now awwww.

    THEN: Okay. I was a 12-year-old girl. In 1987. There was no conceivable way in which I was NOT going to get mad goosebumps and think that this song wasn’t the most beautiful, deepest thing I’d ever heard in my entire life. I mean, it was a) a ballad, b) from someone I already loved, and c) SAD. “I could never love again, now that we’re apart.” So true.

    NOW: You know. The line, “There was no reason, just a foolish beat of my heart” — that is NOT a bad line, all things considered, but it’s the kind of line that nowadays some producer would be all “THE KIDS ARE GONNA THINK THAT IS WAY DEEEP” and it would be repeated ad nauseum throughout the entire song. This song, the title comes from that line, but it is only uttered once. I find that cool. And while it’s not anywhere close to the caliber of “Lost in Your Eyes” (that came later), it’s a decent ballad o’ woe.

    GRADE: A-

    5. Red Hot

    Synopsis: I just can’t help myself — you make me all crazy inside, that’s how hot you are.

    THEN: Dude. I lovvvvvvvvvvved this song. I was pretty much a goody-goody, and this was about as sexy as it got in my innocent little world.

    NOW: I can’t help it. I still love it. I still want to do my “sexy” dance and sing it in my bedroom. Plus, there’s a nice transition from the verses to the chorus, which I’m a sucker for. Also, I must give props, because Debbie Gibson was the good girl pop princess — and this song manages to be sexy, but not out of “character,” you know? Plus, I am impressed that, although it repeats itself at the end more than a lot of her songs, she changes it up, it’s not just droning on and on.

    GRADE: A

    6. Wake Up To Love

    Synopsis: Don’t you see how perfect we are for each other? What is your problem!

    THEN: OH. This was my jam. Of course it was! It’s all about Loving A Boy From Afar.

    NOW: Yeah, this song is totally cheesy, but still cute. Not great, though. And there’s this weird musical thing going on that is distractingly accompanied by what sounds like someone knocking on the bottom of a screen door, when the regular door is open.

    GRADE: C

    7. Shake Your Love

    Synopsis: You know how I’m kind of creepy? It’s all just because I can’t help it, I love you, and you make me want to DANCE!

    THEN: Another song I spent an afternoon transcribing from a 45. But I really didn’t care for it, because it didn’t have the * deep * lyrics that the other songs did. Plus, by the time the album came out, I was sick of this single.

    NOW: I underestimated this song. This song RULES! It’s so much fun! The lyrics are hilarious, but it doesn’t matter, ’cause the song is so much fun, AND gives me magical beer pong powers! I suck at beer pong, but one night I was playing it in a bar, and this song came on, and all of a sudden, I started getting the balls in! Unprecedented! PLUS. Two bridges. That rocks.

    GRADE: A


    8. Fallen Angel

    Synopsis: I have no effing idea.

    THEN: Another song that I thought was extremely sexy. But I don’t remember much about it.

    NOW: WOW, this is ’80s. Like late-night Hot Skates ’80s. Not United Skates of America. This is too bad ass for United Skates. Okay, well, I really think this is an instance where Debbie’s pretty, harmless voice hurts the song. It’s just not a good fit. This song needs somebody with a big, raspy voice to balance out all the craziness in the “music.” Someone like…Tiffany.

    GRADE: D

    9. Play The Field

    Synopsis: Don’t settle, girlfriend!

    THEN: I remember not being crazy about this song, but using it to help me get over my unrequited love(s) in 8th grade.

    NOW: WTF? I can’t even explain what’s going on with the music, in the background. It sounds like someone manically banging away on a xylophone, but like, instead of a xylophone, it’s a drum machine. Does that even make any sense? I think this song is driving me to madness.

    GRADE: F


    10. Between The Lines

    Synopsis: I know you love me because…um…I don’t know why, I just know, okay?

    THEN: I loved this song. After the crazy horror of the past couple of songs, this was a welcome reprieve. Nothing that special, but still sweet and pretty.

    NOW: Yeahhhhh. Whoever picked the order of the songs on this album was smoking mad crack. This song is OKAY, but there are other songs on the album that would make for a stronger finish. Plus, like, enough with the horns!

    GRADE: C

    © August 29, 2006

    *UPDATE FROM THE FUTURE! When I got my blessed MMJ card here in Colorado, the only thing cooler than the legal weed was the record selection they sold right outside! I bought “Out of the Blue” on vinyl, and Josh entertained my DG love many times when I just NEEDED to play it. I love this album more than ever!

    Posted in Childhood, Lists, Miscellaneous, Music, Romance, The '80s, Uncategorized, Women | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

    Tiffany’s “Hold an Old Friend’s Hand”: The Review!

    Posted on July 30, 2011 by judisunshine

     

    The long, hard wait is over! It’s time to review Tiffany’s second album! I remember liking it more than the first one — will I still feel the same way? INTRIGUE!

    1. All This Time

    THEN: This song had everything. EVERYthing! It was sad, dramatic, a ballad…plus, wistful belting! One night, Shannon and I were at a famous Krysi sleepover. We spent the entire night and next day working out an arrangement to singing this. Except Krysi wanted to sing the “One morrrre kissss” verse but she’d get really embarrassed and not sing. I sang the second verse, because, I mean, what 13-year-old girl could resist: “All these tears! And like a light, love disappears. But hearts are good for souvenirs, and memories are forever!” Amazing stuff. THEN to top it all off we met Krysi’s and my exboyfriends for rollerskating (as you do), singing the one song the entire way there, of course. God bless Krysi’s mother. Patience of a saint. So anyway, I was wearing my BEST college sweatshirt, and skated with this boy during couples only! And though he is the one who’d dumped me, he re-asked me out. I think it was the sweatshirt. Or maybe the stonewashed jeans. But I had to say no, because Tiffany had shown me the light about letting go.

    NOW:     I can’t say that this song holds its own the way that “Could’ve Been” does, but I still love this song. How could I not? You can’t have sleepovers, singing, AND couples only rollerskating memories so linked to a song and not luv it 4eva!

    GRADE:     B


    2. Oh Jackie

    THEN: This song pissed me off, because Tiffany totally bit off my line about every song on the radio reminding her of the person — that was MINE! I totally contributed it to Shannon’s sad ballad for Awttis a good eight months before this album came out! Plus this song was nowhere near as good as Shannon’s sad ballad for Awttis: “You arrrre much more than a friend to me, oh, and you are much more than I dreamed OF! I loved you, but thanks to me, I let it all slip away! Maybewe’llbeback together someday…” And they were! Now THAT’s music!

    NOW: Wow, this song is dumb.

    GRADE: D

    3. Hold An Old Friend’s Hand

    THEN: I really liked this song. I did actually think the lyrics were pretty trite (I know!), but it’s sort of hard not to be trite when it comes to friendship songs.

    NOW: It’s kind of boring, but there are some genuinely beautiful moments in the song. Really!

    GRADE: B-

    4. Radio Romance

    THEN: I just remember being very pissed that this was the second single from the album, when there were so many better songs to choose from! I did not like this song.

    NOW: Okay, despite the fact that this was right after the “Dirty Dancing” phenomenon, and despite the fact that I was a 13-year-old girl, I am realizing that it totally went over my head that this song was supposed to be an homage or whatever to that doowoppy lalala teardrops genre. But that is maybe because the song still sucks. Which is not to say that I wouldn’t totally do it at karaoke if they had it.

    GRADE: C

    5. We’re Both Thinking About Her

    THEN: No, it’s not about a threesome. It’s about Tiffany knowing that her man has a wandering eye. And she is totally “running out of time.” It’s very deep. Tiffany is SO resigned.

    NOW: Um, this song doesn’t sound like it starts! WTF! It’s like, very tentative. I’m confused.

    GRADE:     C-


    6. Walk Away While You Can

    THEN: Nothing. I got nothing. I will tell you right now that with the exception of “All This Time,” I listened to this album during July/August 1989 — The Summer Of The Wack, Half-Broken Baseball Videogame. It was my brother’s, and the closest we got in our family to having a real live videogame! So of course I stole it every chance I got. That was my summer. Playing video baseball, reading Gone With The Wind, and listening to Tiffany. Not to be confused with 1990, the summer that I listened to Christian rock and read about serial killers.

    NOW: Wait, what? Oh, yeah. Still isn’t ringing a bell. And NOT good at all.

    GRADE: F

    7. Drop That Bomb

    THEN: Wait. Was I also on a summer long bender??? 1989 WAS the summer I was addicted to Diet Coke. I don’t remember this either.

    NOW: This sounds…like The Jackson 5! What is going on? Am I on a bender NOW?

    GRADE: C

     

    8. It’s The Lover (Not The Love)

    THEN: Ohhhhhhhh. Ohhhhhhh. I’m not even going to try to front about this song. Absolute, utter love. Gorgeous. Beautiful. Soooooo beautiful.

    NOW: Something really extreme would have had to happen to destroy my love for this song. But I do think it’s still so great. It slips into triteness here and there, sure, but I actually really love the idea — about how being heartbroken is about people, but don’t give up on love itself. “It’s the lover not the love, who deserted you.” Awww. And Tiffany does a really pretty job here, vocally. She shows some restraint, and is less nasal than usual.

    GRADE: A


    9. I’ll Be The Girl

    THEN: Erm…what?

    NOW: Ditto. I don’t remember this at all. It’s boring though.

    GRADE: D-


    10. Hearts Never Lie

    THEN: Oooookay. THIS, I remember. It’s a DUET!!! About love! From the ’80s! YAY!

    NOW: “‘Cause our hearts never lie, they just feel the love! Try so hard to deny, there’s no reason to act like we don’t carrrrrre, when the truth is always there! Ohhhhh, hearts never lie — why should we?!”

    Can’t argue with seamless logic like that. Nor can you (or at least I) deny the amazing power of the ’80s Love Duet.

    (It’s really not that great though, as far as these things go.)

    GRADE: B-

     

    11. Overture

    THEN: I don’t remember this either!

    NOW: I’m confused. Have I just been into too many musicals — doesn’t an overture come first? No? Shouldn’t this be an UNDERture! HAHAHAH! No, but seriously. This is lovely and all I guess, but it’s weird and confusing to me. Like why it’s here and stuff. Was she trying to have musical street cred like Debbie Gibson? Did she even play guitar? That’s all this is! Why? WHY!

    GRADE: ?

    VERDICT: “Tiffany” kicks “Hold An Old Friend’s Hand” ass by FAR. What was I thinking back then?

    © July 11, 2006

    Posted in Celebrities, Childhood, Lists, Music, The '80s, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments