You Just Couldn’t Let Me Go

Posted on March 27, 2012 by judisunshine

Deathlike silence
Red cloud shakes
A race that walls immortality
The undying battle of extinction
Who would believe in sanctuary

~ Pantera, “Immortally Insane”

The three of us were upstairs. A mother type, a little girl, and me. All of a sudden the house was filled with the most terrifying evil presence. It looked like a Killer Klown, but that wasn’t quite it. The Klown’s eyes were empty. This creature had the look of one who had taken over the minds and bodies of many, and was a sick amalgamation of them all. It had power that didn’t come overnight, that was wrenched from others through sadistic, unrelenting brutality.

And it was in the house.

I felt like a trapped animal, because the creature had a heightened awareness like nothing I’d ever encountered. My instincts were sharp, but couldn’t begin to compare to this creature. And so I was more afraid than I’d ever been. Death was inevitable if we didn’t all hide.

I wanted to go back to the basement. Since leaving there, I hadn’t been back, and barely remembered it. But I knew that it would be beautifully black and I could hide there. No one would see me. Part of me knew that wasn’t true, that this ravenous creature would find me. But at least I wouldn’t see it coming. I’d always been good at hiding. I thought I could find a spot. I had to be more clever than this creature, or I was dead.

And not just dead. Consumed. This creature did not just kill his victims, he raped them of life, mind, and soul. Stole them and made them his. And his powerful mind was searching for me, I could feel it. I needed to hide.

I urgently informed Mother Type and Little Girl that I was going to hide in the basement, and I thought for certain that they would follow. But Mother Type simply said, “I wish that you wouldn’t.” Which I dismissed. She didn’t know how clever I could be. She didn’t understand my self-preservation skills, but that was okay. I’d find a spot and bring her to safety.

But Little Girl was coming with me now. She was my responsibility.

We ventured down to my former home, and it was nothing like I remembered. The comforting darkness I’d hoped would envelope me was compromised by corners of light. A terrible place to hide, with neither doors nor windows for escape. With defeat and resignation, I led Little Girl back upstairs, filled with bitter disappointment. The creature would be there any minute. Maybe we had more time, and we could formulate a plan in the living room.

Mother Type was on the floor, head torn from body. And there before me stood the creature, with fresh blood dripping around his mouth as he smiled an evil and terrifying grin.

It was then that I realized he reminded me of Heath Ledger’s Joker, and I sensed a weak spot. A part of him that remained human. It wasn’t pure; it was the size of a pinhole, but I sensed it, and knew I could win this fight.

“Go outside,” I told Little Girl. “Go play. Everything will be fine.” She obeyed, and I proceeded to engage in a battle of wits with the creature, whose eyes were filled with unadulterated blood lust. Because he sensed that I’d found his Achilles Heel, which made me more desirable to him than ever.

“GET OUTSIDE!”

I turned, and Little Girl was screaming to me through the screen door. Behind her, people filled the streets like in the days following September 11th. Frightened, grieving, but grateful for community.

For sanctuary.

Why weren’t they running away? My brain scrambled and I had no idea how to save anyone, not even myself. But I had to stay. I had to fight. I could take this creature down, somehow. I had to. I was the only one who could see its weak spot.

I turned back around and steeled my resolve. Surely I could access some good in the creature.

The creature was gone. But still in the house. I could feel it, and as others joined Little Girl in imploring me to leave, I knew that I had no choice but to listen. I joined them outside.

People’s panic and terror were waning, and some started to play basketball and chatter. Didn’t they know the creature was still around? Still, I understood where they were coming from. I felt it too. The creature’s presence was fading. Maybe we were all okay.

Wrong. The creature was back, but laying low. The blood on his mouth had dried into a twisted grimace, and he observed the scene with interest. No one was looking at him.

I noticed he’d gotten awfully close to one of the neighbors. Such a hapless innocent! I had to warn him, get him to run!

I opened my mouth to scream, and no sound came out.

The creature’s mouth widened into a smile as he looked at me, then turned to Neighbor, ready to feed once again.

I’d never felt more helpless. Neighbor turned, and saw the creature leaning in.

Neighbor remained still. His expression did not change.

And I noticed he had a sword. But the creature was way too close. It was too late.

Until with controlled force of the deepest focus imaginable, Neighbor ripped his sword upwards, through whatever the creature had for genitalia, through its stomach, chest, neck, and finally head. One clean line. The creature dissolved, soundlessly, into a pool of blood on the street.

Strangely, no one seemed to notice or care. I barely cared myself, as I drifted back to sleep, knowing I was safe once again.

First Dream

Second Dream

Third Dream

Posted in Apartments & Other Domiciles, Dreams, Miscellaneous, Movies, Superheroes/Villains, Supernatural :o | Tagged Achilles Heel, blood, brutality, community, creature, Dreams, drifting back to sleep, Heath Ledger's Joker, houses, Killer Klowns, monster, Nightmares, pool of blood, power, sanctuary | 4 Comments

13 Movies I Can Watch Over and Over (and over…and over…)

Posted on March 25, 2012 by judisunshine

13. Back to the Future

“It’s the Libyans, Marty!” From the beginning, where Marty is a wailing, misunderstood guitarist, to the end, where he reunites with Jennifer before she was Elisabeth Shue, “Back to the Future” is awesome. Michael J. Fox was my original Hollywood crush for reasons that I stand by to this day, and as much as I do like Eric Stoltz, switching him out for MJF was one of the most solid casting decisions that I can think of off the top of my head. And Christopher Lloyd is fantastic (natch).

12. Gia

At 23, I was one of the many ostensibly straight women who would have switched teams for Angelina Jolie in half a heartbeat, and while Ms. Jolie has done better movie-movies, IMO “Gia” was her chance to shine in a way that very few people on this planet can. She rocks every scene like an animal — and I love animalistic artists. Plus, “Gia” has Mila Kunis as a young Angelina! And both of them do, do be the prettiest girls.

11. Kill Bill Part One

I know, I know, that Part Two is the arguably better half of “Kill Bill.” But I love Part One. In case you don’t already know from my past blogs, you’ll know it by the end of this one — I love me a badass, rock star female protagonist, from page to stage. “Kill Bill Part One” is no exception. There’s a reason Uma Thurman is Quentin Tarantino’s muse, and it’s illustrated perfectly in this movie. But Uma is glorious in Part Two as well. Thing is, Part One has Lucy Liu and most importantly of all? Part One has GOGO YUBARI, who is possibly the best non-star character that I’ve ever witnessed in my entire life! “Bingo.”

(Warning — violence!)

* And not only is this scene awesome, but it features one of my FAVORITE moves of all time — the lying on the ground, then like, back bending/jumping up to a stand? Dunno the term, but it is always sexy.

10. Annie

If this blog were called “Movies That Affected My Life,” “Annie” would probably be number one. If the entire movie was like the first half, it would probably be in the top 3 of this list. Alas, as undeniably awesome as Carol Burnett, Albert Finney, Ann Reinking, Bernadette Peters, and Tim Curry are, IMO “Annie” suffers without the orphans. However, it’s still “ANNIE,” so it deserves a spot on every list that I ever make about fabulous movies, childhood, and music. I rewatched it again the other week, complete with wine and singalong, and I love “Annie” even more at 36 than I did at 7.

9. Thirteen

This movie bears the dubious honor of being one of the only DVDs where I’ve watched every extra, down to full-film commentary. Hence, its place in my blog. It’s not like you see “Thirteen” on TBS every other minute like (SPOILER!) some other movies that are higher on the list. But what “Thirteen” lacks in life-ubiquity, it makes up for by being so fucking awesome. I love Nikki Reed for living it and writing it, but I love her even more for choosing to play the “bad guy” in the movie, instead of herself (the protagonist on whose real-life experience the movie is based). I think that Evan Rachel Wood is a goddess; she had impressed me as a kid actor in “Once and Again,” and owns this movie with the kind of gravitas that I could only dream of, as an actress. Also, Holly Hunter is mesmerizing, and Jeremy Sisto is always a welcome addition to any cast. This movie also helped usher in the wonderful Katy Rose, who looks eerily like Evan, handpicked by Nikki and Evan IIRC, and closes out the credits with her prodigious song “Lemon.” “They clipped my wings again…so hurting here is where I belong.” I love this movie. And I don’t have kids, but as a former adolescent, I think that every mom should watch this movie with her daughter(s).

7. Mean Girls

So what is not to love about this movie? It has Lindsay Lohan at her very awesomest, and while she’s known nowadays more for her shenanigans, that woman-and-former-girl can act. She carries the movie effortlessly. Plus, it’s made by Tina Fey who is the queen of all things wonderful, and the Plastics star none other than Rachel McAdams, plus Amanda Seyfried who rocks, and Lacey Chabert, who I always thought was underrated and provides literal LOLs no matter how many times I watch this. And do I even need to mention My Girlfriend Lizzy Caplan, whose presence automatically adds 75,000 awesome points? When I was on the plane last year, moving from New York to Colorado, I was terrified, due in equal parts to my plane phobia and life circumstances. “Mean Girls” came on the plane TV, and I was immediately more calmed than if someone had passed me a Xanax.

7. Black Snake Moan

For all of you who missed it on Myspace, I have just a slight obsession with Christina Ricci, and “Black Snake Moan” specifically. I saw it in the theater, on the same night I got a Life Lesson to not bring a meal from Roosevelt Field into their adjacent theater, in case you do not enjoy hearing and feeling a rat nibbling at your feet, but point is, I fell in love with this movie from the jump, and for a few years in my life, I rewatched this piece of gloriousness once every six months, like clockwork. I’ve heard that The Master Of Life, Samuel L. Jackson, said that Lazarus was his favorite role that he’s ever played, which is saying a shitload, and while I cannot get Google confirmation on this factoid, I can believe it. This movie is so, so great. And the Black Keys RULE.

6. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

I know that “Raiders” and “Last Crusade” are probably better movies. But I don’t care, because “Temple of Doom” ROCKS SO MUCH. Snakes! Monkey brains! A heart being ripped out of someone while he is still alive, and then he gets lowered into a pit of fire!!!!!!!!!!!! That alone is enough for the list, but this movie is bumped up on the list because when I was taking a summer session Spanish class at NCC, my professor was awesome, and didn’t care what we did in language lab, so long as we were there and doing something related to the Spanish language. Every. Single. Lab, all I did was watch “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom” in Spanish. “iDios mio, Indy!” ~ Short Round

5. Mystic Pizza

“Mystic Pizza” is my original movie that inspired the blog theme, the one I simply could not-not watch whenever it came on TBS, throughout the past decade or two. But I’ve also rented “Mystic Pizza” from both Blockbuster and Netflix. Why do I not own this movie? I have no idea, except that even though I’ve gone out of my way to acquire this fine film, there’s something very comforting about how it just shows up in my various domiciles on a Saturday afternoon. *SLAP!* “Wipe your conscience.” Fannnnnntastic.

4. Across the Universe

In case you missed the memo that I think Evan Rachel Wood is sublime, here’s proof in the pudding, as I think she’s the only actress to star twice on this list! While I can appreciate Beatles fans who don’t like this movie at all, I am not one of them. I grew up with The Beatles, and even went to a ‘Fest in 89. Yet despite all the insanity of said ‘Fest, I’ve never seen a more beautiful homage and love letter to The Beatles than “Across the Universe.” It traverses the years of The Beatles, both musically and culturally, and even incorporates a Janis and a Jimi into the mix. Every actor/singer is awesome, including aforementioned Evan, who totally changed the way I look at “If I Fell.” Her delivery of “Oh, please,” breaks my heart every time. And that’s not even to mention the astonishingly amazing cast aside from Ms. Wood. The more I see this movie and/or scattered Youtube videos of its music, the more I want to watch it.

3. Role Models

THIS MOVIE IS SO FREAKING AWESOME!!! Paul Rudd is probably my favorite current actor in Hollywood. Aforementioned Samuel L. Jackson is the ultimate rock star, but also the modern-day Michael Caine; aka, Jackson does every movie he feels like doing, and so does not have the same balance of awesomeness : things I want to watch, as does Sir Rudd. I have another blog all mapped out about why Paul Rudd is one of the greatest things ever to grace the Earth, but now is not that time. For now, I will just say that he is predictably solid as Danny in this movie, but then adds that extra dash of Rudd to spill things over to the side of awesomeness. On top of that, I never really *got* the whole Seann William Scott thing before, but “Role Models” changed my mind. He is hilarious, in a role that, were the movie in lesser hands, could have been fairly ordinary. But Scott attacks it with hilarious ferocity, and is so great. This movie also helped tip over my soda machine of ambivalence towards Elizabeth Banks, before “Zach and Miri Make a Porno” finished (fittingly!) the job. It’s no easy feat to play the straight man to Paul Rudd when he’s not being wacky, but Banks pulls it off. McLovin provides strong support as one of the Smalls; Jane Lynch is roaming around (’nuff said), and do I even need to need to mention how absolutely incredible Bobb’e J. Thompson is as Ronnie??? Even more than “Mystic Pizza,” I cannot change the channel if “Role Models” is on TV. And this one, I even own.

2. Clueless

This could easily be number one, if I hadn’t been such a psychotic child and/or “Clueless” was 13 or so years older. As it stands, it may as well be number one as far as these things go, because NO WAY can I turn away “Clueless” when it comes on. This movie, I own on both DVD and VHS! And STILL watch it when it comes on cable! There is like, nothing wrong with this movie. It is pretty flawless. And I guess I should take back what I said about Evan Rachel Wood owning this list, because she and Paul Rudd are now tied! *Passes tiaras to the Homecoming King and Queen of my movie life* But speaking of women I love, Alicia Silverstone? Incomparable. I love her in general, anyway, for the Aerosmith videos, The Kind Diet, and just in general for being one of the awesomest people on the planet. But in “Clueless?” I fancy myself a closet casting director, and past or present, I literally cannot think of any other actress who would have been even close to as perfect as Alicia in “Clueless,” never mind better. I can’t even begin to quote, because how many movies come close to “Clueless’s” quotability quotient? Soup to nuts, “Clueless” is pure entertainment, solidified by Amy Heckerling’s brilliance in both writing and casting. Stacey Dash makes everything better; Brittany Murphy was great, and have I mentioned how much I love Jeremy Sisto (also tied with Evan and Paul, though he was a supporting actor!)? I’m leaving out so many people (like Donald Faison, who I think is one of the best presences in Hollywood, not to mention Breckin Meyer), but that’s just a testament to this movie’s greatness. And I’m super impressed at how well this movie has aged.

1. Poltergeist

For years, this, “Clueless,” and “Black Snake Moan” have held equal weight in my internal favorite movie of all time debate, but last year, I realized that “Poltergeist” wins the title. While this list isn’t about my favorite movies per se, it seems fitting that “Poltergeist” would top any list, and as far as the rewatchability factor? No contest. I saw this movie when I was almost seven, and it was instant love and fascination. As a little girl, it was fascinating to see any movie about another little girl, never mind a horror movie. I used to literally watch “Poltergeist” whenever I could, sometimes twice in a row. When I got older, after not having watched “Poltergeist” in many years, I rewatched it with trepidation — certain that this movie would feel very cheesy ‘80s. I almost didn’t want to watch it again, for fear of destroying an important part of my childhood. But “Poltergeist” is even better to me, as an adult. Craig T. Nelson rivals Samuel L. Jackson as far as my favorite actors in Hollywood who are total rock stars. And JoBeth Williams is superb. So I stay for the great story and acting, but I come for the scary, and “Poltergeist” still gets me after all these years. That freaking clown, man.

Posted in AcTING!, Celebrities, Childhood, Entertainment, Friends, Lists, Miscellaneous, Movies, Music, Superheroes/Villains, Supernatural :o | Tagged Across the Universe, Aerosmith videos, Alicia Silverstone, Amanda Seyfried, Amy Heckerling, Angelina Jolie, Annabeth Gish, Annie, Back to the Future, bingo, Black Keys, Black Snake Moan, Bobb'e J. Thompson, Breckin Meyer, Brittany Murphy, childhood movies, Christina Ricci, Christopher Lloyd, Clueless, Craig T. Nelson, Donald Faison, Elizabeth Banks, Evan Rachel Wood, Gia, Gogo Yubari, heart ripped out, Heather O'Rourke, Holly Hunter, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Jane Lynch, Janis Joplin, Jeremy Sisto, Jim Sturgess, Jimi Hendrix, JoBeth Williams, Julia Roberts, Kill Bill, Lacey Chabert, Lili Taylor, Lindsay Lohan, Lizzy Caplan, McLovin, Mean Girls, Michael J. Fox, Mila Kunis, monkey brains, movies, movies that have aged well, Mystic Pizza, Nikki Reed, orphans, Paul Rudd, Poltergeist, Quentin Tarantino, Rachel McAdams, rewatchability, Role Models, Samuel L. Jackson, scary clowns, Seann William Scott, Short Round, snakes, Spanish language lab, Stacey Dash, The Beatles, The Kind Diet, Thirteen, Tina Fey, Uma Thurman, wipe your conscience, Zach and Miri Make a Porno | 13 Comments

A New “90210,” 15 Years Later

Posted on March 23, 2012 by judisunshine

Last Saturday, the day after my reunion (woohoo, more on that another time though), I managed to finally, after 15 years, catch the episode of “90210” where Brandon uses Kelly as a decoy at some college government thing because Josh who later gets killed off because he was kind of awesome is giving Brandon a good dose of Woodward and Bernstein karma. And these were Very Important Episodes back in the day when I was still a teenager. So they felt extra special, fresh off the prior night’s nostalgia. I was stoked and DVRed the next episode, where Kelly and Brandon kiss, and was filled with my old, comfortable ambivalence towards this show. Which led to two Facebook statuses, and then I played the episode I DVRed, and felt my “90210” thought vomit rising to the surface. I figured I’d put it all in one neat blog, so people are warned about what lies ahead. And with no further adieu, I present to you:

My Thoughts During

The “90210” Decoy Kelly Episodes

– Seriously, Muntz. I know you’re a doofy dude and all, but for real? You are going out with a girl for two years and about to Finally Do It For The First Time, and you choose freaking Steve Sanders’s dorm room as the perfect place for this? Now, I’m not materialistic, but if I were the girl I’d be pissed. Spring for a hotel, for crying out loud. At least light a candle! Somewhere that’s NOT Steve Sanders’s dorm room that he borrowed from Andrea!

– I get that they were trying to evolve Kelly since she wanted to shed her high school image and all, but I do not see why this has to translate into her dressing like a senior citizen whose kids would still tell her, Mom, let me take you shopping; you’re dressing really frumpy. Normally I wouldn’t even say anything because I certainly know what it’s like to gain weight and want to cover up, but that’s the thing. I had Jennie Garth’s workout tape, “Body in Progress,” that she made during this exact time. She was totally in shape and looked great and really healthy. But I remember those times, and it was pre-J Lo, ass-friendly years. I too hid my butt and strong-but-not-skinny legs, and pretty much dressed like Jennie Garth. So I started out laughing at her terrible outfits, then realized, oh man. But I’ll leave it at this for now, except to say speaking of which, what happened to belly shirts? I’ve bitched before about all the new shirts not having waists, which is like the one thing I’m cool with on my body (not trying to self loathe; I’m just keeping it real), but why not have belly shirts? There are awesome clothes for smaller girls, why not give something to the ladies who might not love their whole body yet, but want to celebrate their curves! It’s like belly shirts came in with a vengeance, and left with just as quick a vengeance. Theories?

– So I could fanwank it that Kelly’s just jealous of Claire’s slobbering like a hungry and horny puppy over Brandon, but Kelly’s like, “She’s in high school” to Brandon. And don’t get me wrong; I appreciate the sentiment if she were talking to Jason Priestley, but Brandon’s a freshman in college. It’s not like it would be creepy for him to date a junior or senior in high school, especially during a time where sex still wasn’t a given. And yet there was Kelly saying it all, “Brandon, you pervert,” which was dumb.

– Speaking of Claire, in retrospect, she is a great sociological metaphor for the vast difference between Generation X and Generation Y. I’m watching it all, what the hell Claire; why are you so bitchily hitting on Kelly’s boyfriend? But now that I’m older, it’s a little sobering to watch these episodes and realize that Claire was annoying and Lucinda was a bit of a snake, but at least they didn’t seem like they had perpetual sticks up their asses like the…well, the blondes on this show. All the non-blonde chicks were always held up as villains to the good and pure Donna and Kelly, but really the non-blondes were the awesomest ones IMO. I still don’t know if I dig Claire or not because IIRC, she pissed me off a lot back in the day, but I could totally chill with Lucinda, and Brenda and Valerie were always my favorites. I really think I want to re-watch this show and figure out more of this, because when I grow up, I want to be a “90210” brunette! Because God help me if I need to judge people and wear blazers for the rest of my life, you know?

– And while I’m going on about women and society, what is UP with this show’s double standard with sex? I’m hardly the first to say it, but it really pissed me off tonight. It’s very “Real Sex” or something, because Kelly and Brandon are off on an overnight together even though she is with Dylan and he is with Lucinda, and Dylan is over Lucinda’s set decorator’s idea of the kind of place a quirky, sexual woman would live in (which to be fair wasn’t bad), and she’s practically on top of his lap on the couch, all snuggling in and mastering the single entendre (TM Oz) while Dylan moves his eyebrows around but does not at all stop her, and I think she has candles lit or the lights off and it’s all EXTREMELY inappropriate, and then she kisses him and Dylan totally kisses her back, but then opens his eyes and looks at her like he’d tricked her into showing that it was true, this was Ursula pretending to be Ariel or SOMETHING, because I honestly don’t know why she was some kind of terrible cheater compared to suddenly righteous Dylan, and seriously if you’re just playing undercover boyfriend or something Dylan, kissing her is kind of like sniffing a bit of coke when you work for the DEA. But don’t get me started on the DEA. There is also this awful way Brandon behaves when he gets to Lucinda’s after totally making out and being lovey dovey with Kelly, like at least Lucinda was just sexual; Brandon cheated physically AND emotionally, yet somehow has the unmitigated gall to give her this look of hate and disgust as though he caught her cheating, and tells her he didn’t miss her at all.

Moral of the story: Guys cheat, but it’s usually the fault of some bitch-ass ho.

The “90210” Survival Guide

“90210” High School Graduation Recap

Posted in Body Image, Celebrities, Childhood, Entertainment, Friends, Miscellaneous, Romance, TV, Women | Tagged belly shirts, Beverly Hills 90210, Brandon Walsh, Brenda Walsh, Change Partners episode, cheating, Claire Arnold, college, dating, DEA, double standards with sex, Dylan McKay, Generation X, Generation Y, High school, Kelly Taylor, Muntz, Steve Sanders, unfriendly to ass years, Valerie Malone | 2 Comments

Intentionally Cheesy Movie Night 9: Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo

Posted on March 21, 2012 by judisunshine

My brother recapped it first! Click here for his take, and awesome site in general!

We begin with an extensive montage, where everything that you remember from the mid-’80s flashes across the screen in lots of color! Boomboxes! Fashion! Dancing! And a song that goes, “I believe in the beat! I believe in the way I feel!” So you know what you are in for, overall. And I’m pretty excited. 1984 was a fun time, and I always loved watching breakdancing. When I was in fourth grade, these fifth grade boys in my school used to breakdance every lunch, and everyone would watch. They were really good. The leader’s name was Derrick and I had a crush on him. Ah, nostalgia.

Sorry, I’m procrastinating, because the montage is over, and The Acting Begins. There’s this chick with fluffy short brown hair that made everyone in that time look way older than they were, and she is wearing a pink bumblebee costume, and a guy in an updated version of that blue you never see anymore. This dude is Stanley, and he is an agent to this girl, who is named Kelly. She doesn’t know what she wants; she just knows she doesn’t want another chorus line. You see, she is a performer who is conflicted about…what, is never made super clear, but definitely about something, from time to time, throughout the film. And I am thinking that I really would like to see a movie with Debbie, and CC, and Kelly, all together. Preferably something super dramatic. That would be awesome.

Now Kelly’s uber-WASP parents are upset about her life choices, and it’s amazing. Kelly is giving a speech about how it is “(her) life, Dad.” And she doesn’t want to go to Princeton, or act anymore. Or maybe she does. Or maybe she doesn’t. And I start sympathizing with the parents a little, because I would probably want to ship Kelly 3,000 miles away if I were them, too.

Now Kelly is looking with yearning at a photo of her and two dudes, and it’s like that one scene in “Dead Man’s Party” (“Buffy” Season 3, episode 2) where Buffy looks nostalgically at a picture of her, Xander and Willow, only this time, no zombie cat leaps out of hiding.

So Kelly goes to see the boys from the picture, and they live in the most colorful place in the world, and I really want a place like theirs. The guys are Ozone, who is wearing a yellow cut-off shirt, and Turbo, clad all in red, and rocking some impressive curly hair. Ozone has curly hair too, but it’s in a ponytail and I think it’s one of those extreme mullets, where the party in the back is really just there to be in a ponytail.

So now that we know who the three leads are, let’s move on to tons of people clapping and cheering to see Kelly, coming out from the woodwork just to say hi to her for some reason. Things get so freaking joyous, that this one moustached guy starts rapping, and it is the most obvious lip syncing I’ve seen since [INSERT TIRED REFERENCE OF CHOICE].

Everyone starts dancing, and I do mean everyone. The people already mentioned, but also the mailman! And others in the town! And now there are mats in the street for no reason so people can dance at the bottom of the hill in the road which seems super dangerous to me!

Ohhh, the Dancing Dudes are coming down the mountain all together and going to see a band play. And there is a young cute girl singing in Spanish and flirting from the stage. Ozone sees this and gets really jealous, because Ozone is a little bit in love with Turbo.

Now they are at the community center that Turbo and Ozone volunteer for, called Miracles. And Kelly meets Byron, who runs the center, and [SPOILER] Byron is the best actor in the movie by FAR. [/SPOILER]

This center is amazing, and I totally want to hang out there. There is boxing, and music, and dancing of course. Ozone dances, and his cut-off belly top and turquoise parachute pants are really stressing me out, especially since he is staring directly into the camera.

Maybe I wouldn’t want to hang out at the community center after all, if I had to deal with mimes. Which apparently, I would.

Oh no! Developers! And you know what that means – the community center is in trouble. Sure enough, this one white-haired mean dude is all adamant building a shopping center, like he is obsessed. And there is a bald dude with glasses there for I guess comic relief or something. Also a construction worker who’s wandered in from the set of a porno.

Meanwhile, Ozone and Kelly bond and he tries to get her to teach dance and then we get another dance montage, and Kelly’s hair is reminding me a lot of Ralph Macchio’s hair in “The Karate Kid II.”

Now here is this lady who is sensitive, though she has power. She is overseeing the deal, and expresses concern for the kids in the community. The bald guy’s like, “Well they still have their club, Audiotron.” And Sensitive Lady seems appeased. Also because the building is about to be condemned since Miracles needs 200,000 dollars to fix itself up. I don’t remember when we find this out, so I figured I’d just tell you now.

Cut to said Audiotron, and it’s so nice that Bald Dude wants all the little kids to go hang out at this club, which is fine, but not for kids-kids. Anyway, there is a live band, and these two girls are not happy to see Kelly.

OMG. There is a rival dance group and they go by the name “Electrorocks” – tough! – and they are here to show off their red and black twisty headbands and get in the Miracles’ faces because “Electros rule the dance floor now, sucka.”

But then speaking of tough, Kelly yells out, “Come on you guys, let’s turn these fools out.” And it is amazing. So Ozone lunges at ElectroDude but people separate them. Intrigue!

And thank God, Ozone is now wearing a full shirt while he tells Byron that they have to try to save Miracles. Byron listens, and he, Ozone, Turbo, and Kelly all plead with Sensitive Lady to help. She’s like, well if you can raise the money to get your place non-condemnable, that could work! And they are like, yay! Let’s go raise 200,000 dollars! And I feel like it is South Shore Christian School all over again!

So now there is breakdance…fighting? The rivals are like, just sort of dancing AT each other and making the most bizarre faces. Then they bust out the nunchucks, but don’t use them to hit each other, just wave them around like those ribbons gymnasts sometimes use.

So they’re all dancing, and it’s like a makeout party ’cause whereas everyone starts out mingling and equal-opportunity, now the lyrics in the background talk about how it’s time to go one-on-one, so they do and the ladies are hilarious. The chick who hates Kelly, and Kelly herself try to look badass and it’s incredible. Then Ozone makes the CRAZIEST faces you’ve ever seen. And the Miracles people win and it’s like, but why? What were the criteria? How was this decided? And also, what the hell just happened???

The construction people are back taking pictures and dashing kids’ dreams, as Byron and everyone come out and yell at the guys for being there, and Ozone totally charges at MeanDude but gets held back again and someone should really probably tell Ozone to stop ruining it for their cause because it’s not like he even seems badass.

And Byron assures the little kid that that man will not take away Miracles, so now Ozone and Turbo are trying to figure out a plan.

Chick from before who hates Kelly and is named Rhonda. Remember in the early-mid ’80s, when Hollywood was obsessed with having characters named Rhonda? Anyway, Rhonda gets all up in Ozone’s face about Kelly and Ozone is like, “Listen Crazy, (he and Rhonda) were over a long time ago, and you have no claim to me, I don’t have to answer you about Kelly!” And Rhonda YELLS at him to “STAY AWAY FROM THAT GIRL!”

Band with the cute chick is playing again, and she is all about Turbo, flirting at him wildly and Turbo is like, aw, shucks.

Then things take a bizarre turn, as Turbo is coyly asking Ozone if he thinks Turbo looks like a stud, and has sex appeal, while Ozone is sulking like a girl in that “turn and face the wall” kind of way, only there is no wall. But then Turbo explains that he needs girl advice, and Ozone is SUPER excited about this turn of events.

So Ozone “schools” Turbo. There is awkward stage business involving a biker chick doll. Ozone teaches Turbo to ask a chick about her eyes, and then dances with the doll and really Ozone should never give romantic advice to anyone.

And this is intercut with scenes of Ozone dancing with Kelly, then Cute Chick, then Turbo dancing with Kelly, then cute chick, then Kelly again. At last, Ozone and Turbo dance together.

Now Kelly is dressed like an S&M stripper and dancing all around and it’s really dirty, like way to save the kids this way, Kelly…

…who is now talking to Stanley The Agent, and Stanley is getting all jealous about Ozone, but saying it’s ’cause of Kelly’s awesome career and stuff.

Kelly’s parents and their dog are by the pool and the mom is aerobicizing on a mat and the dad has a tennis racket and sweater around his neck and there is a stationary bike and a rowing machine and THANKS, Movie, they are very, very ’80s white, I get it.

Kelly and Ozone hold hands and stroll through a park 30 seconds after Kelly said there was nothing between them and she invites him to dinner and he hates rich people and doesn’t want to use Kelly to get the money for Miracles, but she says it’s okay to use her, because Kelly represents sexual deviance for a higher cause.

Ozone and Turbo show up at Kelly’s parents and Kelly’s mom meets the dudes, and it’s awkward, obviously, ’cause in case you forgot, She Is A WASP.

Here is Derrick, oh yeah back in the really boring scene with the ‘rents earlier, the parents were all, “Why can’t you go be with that nice boy Derrick” and Kelly was like, “NO MOM NO DAD HE’S A NERD” and to be fair, he is wearing a bow tie for no discernible reason; however, if you’re going by awkward-dinnerwear choices, I think Ozone’s sleeveless leather vest with the popped collar should not be discounted in the equation.

So yeah, Derrick is there as a shoutout to the breakdancing dude in my old school, and the dad comes downstairs and totally ignores Ozone and Turbo, going straight to Derrick. Ozone and Turbo make fun of Derrick, and it’s funny.

They dine. Turbo is skeeved by the lumpy red mess set before him, and I don’t blame him one bit.

Oh, and we are supposed to believe that Kelly’s mom cooked all this, when not only would I not believe that to begin with, but we totally just saw her working out by the pool just a few minutes before.

And Turbo finds a little squid in his soup and feeds it to the cat, in what may be the most awesome scene in the entire movie.

Now the subject of Miracles arises, and Kelly “subtly” brings up the money problems, and the dad gets it and says the most obnoxious thing ever: “Those people can’t stay out of trouble no matter what you do for them.”

While I am wondering when exactly was the last time that Mr. Kelly did anything for “those people,” Turbo and Ozone get understandably offended, and Kelly is just useless, telling her dad that Miracles needs dollars and he says some more horrible things and instead of dying from embarrassment and/or standing up for her friends, Kelly makes some noises and Turbo and Ozone get up and leave, but not before doing this “Eff you” dance move with the dinner rolls that I really can’t begin to explain.

Kelly and Turbo are in the park and Turbo asks for advice about girls and Kelly is acting like she’s gonna kiss him, and DUDE, KELLY, KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS FOR LIKE 2 SECONDS COULD YOU PLEASE! Ho-lee CRAP.

I guess she helps Turbo though because now he’s dancing in his bedroom, like humping the bed before making it up to the ceiling two years before Lionel Richie, but 20 years after Dick van Dyke. And suddenly Cute Chick is at Turbo’s for no reason; I really don’t think Turbo needs to be worried about being smooth when this chick is basically throwing herself in his lap, and she is impressed by his gravity defiance. Then they kiss.

ICE-T!!!

At Audiotron! And seriously, I can’t even tell you. Ice-T is one of those dudes, that whenever he is around, I’m immediately happier. And here he is, rapping back in ’84, but unfortunately we have to watch ElectroDude awkwardly kissing this chick until Ozone, ever the cockblock, butts in now to try to get ElectroDude to make a truce in order to save Miracles through Unity and The Putting Aside Of Twisty Red Headbands. But ElectroDude tells Ozone not to lay the jive on him, like this is literally what he says, all tough in his headband but not quite as tough as Ozone and his ginormous earring.

Here is Kelly, dumb as ever, “Yay, Paris wants me!” for some show and Ozone gets snotty to Kelly and Kelly purses her lips and squints her eyes to indicate…confusion? I’m not sure. And Rhonda glares at Kelly.

Now Ice-T is destroying a record with a knife!

And oh no, Rhonda and her friends block Kelly and mock her and tell her to stop coming around or they’ll beat her up. And yeah, that’s not cool, but I’m thinking, gee Kelly, maybe you could have been nice to the girls too instead of giving every guy your O face at any and every given moment.

So because the girls are mean to her, Kelly accepts the Paris job and is sad.

Kelly and her mom are shopping for Paris, and who is down the street but breakdancers, haunting her as she gazes wistfully.

Now the “Electric Boogaloo” song plays, and Ozone puts up a “Save Our Streets” sign on top of Miracles and he has a dance solo and gives an erotic performance for the guys below before sliding down a rope to the ground and leading the way as everyone marches through the streets with signs and rush City Hall, where there is a meeting going on, and Bald Guy is fighting for the shopping center.

Ozone starts talking about how Miracles is good for the community and once Ozone pipes down, Byron is able to make a nice speech about Miracles’ importance.

And Rhonda is standing next to Ozone because she is a huge stalker freak.

Sensitive lady is like, no, it’s too late but a little blonde girl comes and tugs her heartstrings and in the background someone is awesomely booing and Ozone yells at Bald Dude that he is crazy. Seriously, the entire thing devolves into horrible over-dubs and kids yelling at the townspeople, “Oh, you’re crazy,” like very compelling argument there.

And the committee accepts the bid and the shopping center people win and there is an uproar but then the BEST THING EVER happens, because this little kid goes, “You guys are wack man,” and everyone goes, “OOOOOOO” and though Bald Guy and Mean Dude had heretofore remained completely unflappable, all of a sudden they are like, “WACK? How could you?” and Bald Dude is really offended.

Then Ozone GRABS Mean Dude and goes, this isn’t over! Really if Ozone is gonna be the leader, someone should probably suggest that he not lunge at everyone who pisses him off.

Ozone declares to Turbo that they will not give up.

The construction workers are taking pictures again, and Turbo takes this dude’s equipment bag, so they chase him as Turbo laughs and laughs, until falling down a flight of concrete steps, where he passes out and has blood on his head…

…and goes to the hospital. Ozone goes to Kelly’s house to get her to come to the hospital and Kelly gives a “moving” speech about how Paris can wait!

Now the main group is in Turbo’s room, and Cute Chick speaks Spanish and wakes Turbo up with a kiss. You think things can’t get any better, until Turbo declares, “Man, I am hungry. Get me some food!” and I wonder how long he was pretending to be unconscious while he worked on that zinger.

All is well! So every person who’s ever been to Miracles all pile into his room and dance and Turbo’s in a sling, arm cast, and leg cast, dancing, and Kelly is once again completely inappropriate.

Whoa. Now there are Leg Avenue nurses dancing all in white. Perhaps they went shopping with Midge!

And the power of the music and Turbo’s joke heals everyone in the hospital and they all dance. And the non-sexy nurses get all indignant.

O! M! G! W! T! F! this dude is totally flatlining, and the doctors are appearing all somber which is weird with the background music, but the sexy nurses show up and the doctors totally just ditch Flatlining Dude without even calling it, but never you mind, because the dude comes back to life, thanks to the joy!

Lyrics: “When I see you I get so intensive.” Punning. Awesome.

Now Turbo “wakes up,” all, “What happened?” I think we need to set a moratorium on Turbo’s escape-from-near-death one-liners.

OMG! Kelly. Ozone. Pizza. And Kelly has ripped the shirt off Ozone’s back, torn it apart, stapled it back together, and put it on.

And Kelly’s dad comes back and says he’ll give Kelly the money for Miracles if she stops hanging out with Ozone and Turbo, and goes to Princeton. And because Kelly is an asshole, she doesn’t negotiate. I mean, $200,000 is a LOT of money. Why not be like, “Fine. Miracles really needs my dad’s money, I will go to Princeton, but stay in touch with my friends.” Miracles is saved, and Kelly gets a good education, which she could really use though actually, how in the world did she get into Princeton in the first place?

Ozone gives a speech about how no one will ever tell him to lay down his pride, and Kelly whines, “You’re so negative.”

Now Cute Chick is saving the day! Much like the time Annie escaped the orphanage via Mr. Bundles, only now Cute Chick is Mr. Bundles, and a white nurse stops her as she gets in the elevator with the big-ass laundry cart, and the nurse tells her that she needs to use the service elevator. So Cute Chick says something in Spanish and white nurse bitches about no one speaking English and then Turbo pops out of the laundry, laughs like Woody Woodpecker, then goes, “Guess who?” and scares the nurse so they can escape to go help Miracles.

It’s everyone’s favorite creepazoid, Rhonda, telling Kelly to leave and they awkwardly catfight, then stop because the bulldozers are coming. Oh no! But Ozone knows what to do:

Turn on the music!

And they all use the bulldozers as a set to dance on. So you think okay, Mean Dude’s hands are temporarily tied. But he’s all “I WANT MY SHOPPING CENTER” and tells them to bulldoze the people! So everyone scatters, but Turbo blocks them, still in his casts! And Cute Chick is behind him! And Turbo throws things! Then a driver stops and has to defend his decision to not kill kids to Mean Dude and the drivers leave!

Now the newspeople have arrived wanting the story and Bald Dude totally backpedals and says that they are there for the community.

But then Mean Dude confronts him and is like “Are you refusing to stand by my side!” and Bald Dude is like, “Yes,” so Mean Dude makes a grandiose announcement that he will withdraw from the property.

But it’s not over yet! Byron awesomely gets Mean Dude to make a contribution to Miracles, and haggles him up to $10,000. A good start!

Now they take off Turbo’s cast and Ozone talks to the news, and they help raise money by letting him pimp the show, which he advertises as dancing and juggling. Now don’t get me wrong, I actually find juggling sexy, but why would you mention the juggling with only a little bit of time to talk? Bizarre.

Showtime!

Song I’ve heard before.

Ozone making more crazy faces.

Kelly dancing “sexy.”

And on the other side of town, Kelly’s parents are gathered around their two-inch TV, like I know it’s 1984, but this really rich dude is watching a mini-TV? Whatevs, and Kelly is on the news and her mom insults her hair.

OKAY! Ice-T is totally rapping in the show and I’m thinking that maybe, just maybe, that would be a more enticing draw than the juggling.

Now this kid “Little Lee” does the “Thriller” dance, and after that, a breakdancing rooster.

And at long last, there is a Come to Jesus moment had by Kelly’s parents, where all of a sudden they are no longer bigots but just parents who love their daughter and their community, so they go to support the Miracles show. For Kelly. Because who doesn’t love Kelly.

Now everyone is dancing in day-glo pink and green, and I’m not gonna lie, it’s making me really happy.

Speaking of 11th-hour conversions, here are the Electrorocks, ready to make a truce now that the Miracles guys are kicking ass and making over $100,000 in one day.

And a girl in the audience is wearing a “Save Pepsi” shirt, foreshadowing Britney Spears’s dancing to save Pepsi more than a decade later. The battle never truly ends.

Now Kelly, ever the ho’, dirty dances with ElectroDude.

Kelly greets her parents practically naked and her dad say’s he’s proud of her and he tells her to name her price and that’s probably the third time Kelly’s heard that today but even then she has to be a huge jerk and go, “Even without Princeton?” and he is like, yeah.

And Kelly brings her parents to the stage, because now they are giving her money, so she loves them again a la Jackie Burkhart, and they announce that they made the goal and all these balloons come out everywhere, floating to the sky and WHERE IN BLOODY HELL did they get the money for all those helium balloons?

“I believe in the beat!” a woman sings and it is touching. Because they did believe in the beat.

Meanwhile, ElectroDude lowers his sunglasses seductively and thinks he is the MAN. And Kelly’s mom is dancing and we see where Kelly gets her sexy dance faces from.

Singing! Dancing! Balloons! Pretty! Flashy! Fun!

~ THE END ~

Posted in Entertainment, Friends, Going Out, Intentionally Cheesy Movie Night, Miscellaneous, Movies, Music, Romance | Tagged '80s, 1984, aerobicizing, all-purpose room, Annie, Audiotron, boombox, bow ties, breakdancing, Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo, Britney Spears, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Byron, Chatterton Elementary School, city hall, cockblock, community, cut-off shirts, Dead Man's Party, destroying records with knives, developers, Electrorocks, ginormous earring, headbands, helium balloons, Ice-T, Intentionally Cheesy Movie Night, Merrick New York, mimes, Miracles, Mr. Bundles, mullets, nunchucks, Oz, Ozone, Paris, Pepsi, Princeton, Ralph Macchio, rapping, rec center, Rhonda, save our streets, Seth Green, sleeveless leather vest, South Shore Christian School, The Karate Kid II, Turbo, twisty red headbands, WASPs, Willow, Willow Rosenberg, Xander | 2 Comments

Used to Be

Posted on March 17, 2012 by judisunshine

I used to be a cheerleader. I’d dreamed of being one for as long as I could remember, but definitely no later than at 10 when I started reading Sweet Valley High. It was everything I loved in the world – gymnastics, yelling, moving in unison, and getting to dress like a superhero in a cute, brightly colored outfit.

When I finally became one at 12, I made it onto the squad by a hair, and it was going to be months of arduous training before the superheroness, and the glamour. I sucked at learning cheers. Every new one was an exercise in embarrassment, as I was always one of the last on the squad to get it. “Remember these lines; do this choreography; clap, and SMILE!” Other, better cheerleaders helped take me over and over the moves that everyone else had gotten, and were practicing in a different section of the gym.

But eventually, it all came together. Hundreds of hours of practice and agonizing laps around the school field, and many more hours of selling M&Ms and stationery to raise money for uniforms, and the dream was complete: I was clad in blue and white, and later blue and gold, and I got to yell and do cartwheels and splits for six years of middle and high school.

And then, just like that, now thousands of hours later, it was finished. Done. Gone. Pursuing it in college didn’t mesh with my depression and overall existential crisis, and by the time I pulled myself out of that, I was in my twenties, and the only way of revisiting cheerleading called to mind Rachel Greene in a hallway with a fat lip, yearning for Tate Donovan to come take pity on her, and who amongst us needs that.

So I went on to pursue acting. Something else I’d always wanted to do, another goal that seems glamorous on the surface, even at the humble level of community theater, because the end goal, if you want it, once you get there, is amazing. Being on stage, in costume, playing another character, moving not in unison, but in sync with others, was its own kind of rush. Not exactly like cheerleading, but not exactly unlike it either.

Back before I had the balls to audition for plays, but yearned to be a part of the theater program at Nassau Community College, I was in the audience at one of the greatest productions I to this day have seen: “Merrily We Roll Along.” And I will never forget listening to one of the principal actresses say, “We haven’t even got past the first weekend of shows, and I’m already sick of this play.” At the time, I thought she sounded like such an ingrate. How could she be sick of being a part of something so amazing?

When I was acting myself, I finally, sort of, got it. Rehearsals are tedious, and if a play wasn’t really my cup of tea, sometimes I found myself going through the motions, as though I was being forced to do something. The plays I loved, I couldn’t get enough of. In particular, I got to be a big part of one of the best plays I’ve ever read: “Cut Me Down.” That was one of the most incredible experiences of my life.

After that and other theatrical highs, I found myself rehearsing for and performing in a stretch of plays that I really didn’t like at all. The highs were fewer and farther between, until eventually there were no highs at all. So I stopped.

So I used to be an actress.

“Used to be, used to be…” Benjamin Bratt repeated with disgust, in an episode of “Modern Family.” He went on to say that there was no sadder phrase in the English language than that. No more depressing notion than what we are today, is comprised of the negative space to what we used to be.

I used to be a student, full of promise. Then it became too much for me, and I dropped out of college in my junior year, leading to how I used to be a waitress after life didn’t pan out quite how I expected it to.

Today I became a waitress again. And it is humbling. I am almost 36 years old, living with my parents again, and am now serving chicken fingers to strangers, just like I did when I failed at college, before going on to succeed at college, only to fail at figuring out how to make a desk job work for me, in the grand scheme of things.

But the thing is? Today felt freaking GREAT. I love waitressing. Despite all my well-documented rants on everything that can be maddening about the job, it is one that I love doing. And maybe of all my “used to bes,” this is the least auspicious one of all to pull back into the present of what is. The most disappointing. Maybe this is the climax of my own living cautionary tale.

However, strip all that away, and what I’m left with is that today, for the first time in years, I went to work and felt alive, like I was good at something again. And maybe for now, that is enough, because that is a start. To experience the opposite of stagnation. To take one little used to be and be reminded, to remind myself, that sometimes it’s rather glorious to take away the “used to.” Because now I can stop focusing all of the ostensible carrion of my past, and just be.

And see what comes next.

Posted in AcTING!, Childhood, Friends, Miscellaneous, TV, Women, Work | Tagged Benjamin Bratt, cartwheels, characters, cheerleader, chicken fingers, college, community theater, costumes, depression, exercise in embarrassment, existential crisis, fat lip, fundraisers, glamour, going through the motions, High school, Josh-U-AH!, junior high, junior year, laps, M&M sales, middle school, Modern Family, moving in unisonsquad, Nassau Community College, NCC, NCC theater, no sadder phrase, Rachel Greene, reahearsals, slow learner, stagnation, stationery, student, supherheroes, Sweet Valley High, Tate Donovan, tedium, theater, theatrical highs, uniforms, used to be, waitress, yelling | 3 Comments

A Star In Somebody Else’s Sky

Posted on March 15, 2012 by judisunshine

Just sometimes, it hits me. This place had a long history before us, has a long future after us. I keep thinking it’s a part of our lives, but, really, it’s the reverse.

For a little while…I don’t know.
It’s like we’re a part of its life.

~ Lorelai

Down the block from my new apartment, is the house that I lived in for 20 years. On and off the last few years, but I was the last one living there when it finally sold.

I didn’t want to lose it. I did everything in my power to keep that house around, some way, somehow. All to no avail. As of May, I no longer had any right even to set foot on the property, much less go inside.

Because I still live so close to the – no longer my – house, I have to drive near it pretty much every day. And every time, I would cry. It was so unfair. That was my house. How could the new owners love it the way I did?

It was made slightly less awful by the fact that the house was pretty still. I never saw anyone around. Shades were drawn; all was quiet. Maybe it was all a joke. Somehow, something would happen to restore the proper balance and give me my house back.

Then one day, I passed by and the shades were up. From the street, plain as day, was the living room. It looked completely different.

Changed.

Not mine anymore.

I got bitter. Resentful. Who were these people, and how dare they live in my house? Why would they change it? Now I could never go home!

So I cried. Of course. And I knew I wasn’t being reasonable. Few things about my emotions toward losing that house have been reasonable. I didn’t care. I wanted my house back. I wanted to just park my car the way I had thousands of times, walk up the porch steps, avoiding that one broken brick, go inside, and see my family.

‘Course, my family isn’t there anymore. My brother Robb had moved out a year earlier when he got married. My father and Eric had been in Colorado for almost six months; my mother, sister, and brother Sasha just a bit less.

When my house was finally sold and passed over to this new couple, it hadn’t been “home” in some time. The rooms were unoccupied; the yard went unused. Even home cooking smelled lonely, because it was my cooking, not my mom’s.

I remembered what my house was like before all that, when I was growing up. So many Thanksgivings, Christmases, sleepover parties, adolescent and not-so-adolescent drama. That house was a haven for me for so long. Was I going to begrudge that to someone else?

Wasn’t it more fitting that a young couple planning to have kids should live in this house now? Wouldn’t I want those rooms as bright, sunny, and new for the new people, as they had been for me? Did I really want the house for myself, or did I want to hold onto something that had been long-since gone, just so no one else could have it?

I might always miss the big yellow house with the awesome porch swing. I will definitely always miss having my family under one roof, so close by.

But now it’s time to let it go. To let other people be a part of that house’s life.

Posted in Apartments & Other Domiciles, Childhood, Family, Miscellaneous, Women | Tagged apartments, change, Colorado, Dragonfly Inn, Gilmore Girls, homes, houses, letting go, Lorelai Gilmore, Moving, moving on, New York, Sookie St. James | 3 Comments

3 Awesome Memories from My High School Senior Lounge

Posted on March 13, 2012 by judisunshine

When I was in 12th grade, we were given a senior lounge. Whose idea it was to give a bunch of 17-18 year olds their own unsupervised classroom I don’t know, but let me extend a slow clap. Because it was awesome. Clearly, our job as students (when we weren’t banned all the time like our poor friend Mary Kate), was to make TPTB as regretful as possible that they gave it to us! Three awesome ways we got up to mischief in the senior lounge were as follows:

Spinning

Somewhere along the line, we realized that spinning was the best thing ever. But not just any spinning. You had to walk around in a circle with three steps, then get UP on your toe and hold your other leg like a stork! This was considered the best way to maximize your spinning high. So we started doing this, naturally, during our down time. A room full of teenagers just spinning around and around until we fell down. You may never known how creative people can get with their spare time until you meet teenagers who don’t drink, get high, or have sex. We will discuss “Spot the Looney” at a later date.

The Fires

I’m not sure if this has been an always thing, but it was new to us in the early ‘90s, that if you spray hairspray on your clothes and set it on fire, you don’t actually catch on fire. But oh man, was that a popular pastime in the good ol’ senior lounge. Most notorious (to me at least) was the day that Mum was napping face-down on one of the couches, and woke up to her butt on fire! Good times, good times. Kids, don’t try this at home!

The Washing Machine

Lolololololol 😀 This was one of the proudest accomplishments in my entire high school career. One day I was going to Shannon’s house after school, and we passed a washing machine that was just sitting out on someone’s curb to be picked up for trash. So logic would lead to nothing besides our putting it in the trunk of her car, as she drove and I walked behind the car to guide the washing machine. We brought it into the senior lounge – how, I do not recall, but we were very stealth. And TPTB were decidedly displeased to witness the newest addition to our senior lounge décor. If it wasn’t gone by graduation, none of us were graduating 😮 In retrospect, we should have taken them up on this so as to be like Matthew McConaughey in “Dazed and Confused.” But graduate we did, though not without an impassioned plea to leave the awesomeness there for the next year’s seniors to enjoy. I mean, who wouldn’t want a washing machine in a room!

Do you have any senior lounge tales of mischief?

If you went to SSCS and remember stuff I missed, please chime in!

Posted in Apartments & Other Domiciles, Childhood, Entertainment, Friends, Lists, Miscellaneous, School | Tagged 12th grade, Dazed and Confused, entertainment of the chaste, fires, High school, Matthew McConaughey, senior lounge, senior year, South Shore Christian School, spinning, Spot the Looney, SSCS, washing machine | 5 Comments

Intentionally Cheesy Movie Night 21: Like Father, Like Son

Posted on March 12, 2012 by judisunshine

“ICMN is just a front to watch all your favorite movies under the veil of irony,” my brother Eric texted me before when I told him of my illustrious viewing choice for this evening. And he’s not wrong, at least not about “Like Father, Like Son.” Back in the day, Kirk Cameron was the sophomore crush effort to Michael J. Fox. I love me some wiseass. And Kirk Cameron was full of sass and pizzazz. Plus! Curly hair! So I used to watch this movie as often as I could. The last time I can remember watching it was one of the last days in my family’s Merrick house. I was almost 13, about to go out on my first date since Dick, and saying goodbye to the only house I’d ever lived in. The sun was streaming in all dusty in the basement like in “Peggy Sue Got Married,” and I was saying goodbye to a lot. In a way, this is the last movie of my childhood.

But anyway, now I’m all cynical and have moved many times, so let’s dig into this baby! RIP Dudley Moore.

It opens with the old familiar Pegasus of Tri-Star, so I’m immediately happy.

I always block out the boring opening. A guy crawls through the desert and dies for like 20 minutes. This shirtless dude comes over and carries him. Oh, the guy’s not dead after all. The movie does that awkward ‘80s stuff with magical Native Americans.

This scene is interminable.

The Original Guy drinks from a jug of magic tea. We can tell it’s magic by the music.

Here’s Kirk! And Dudley, who is explaining science to his bored son. Kirk keeps saying “I got it,” but Dudley’s not having it. And we find out that Kirk is in 12th grade.

High school. Kirk is giving a speech but I didn’t write down about what and can’t remember for the life of me.

“Grey’s Anatomy” hospital scene. Oh, this movie taught me what “rounds” were! All of my scientific knowledge comes from movies, television, and Baby-Sitter Club books.

Dudley is an Important Doctor.

The mom from “7th Heaven” works at the hospital, and looks exasperated. She says “Policy, schmolicy,” and we see that she is fighting for poor patients and Dudley is a yuppie sellout. 7thHeavenMom is professional but still wears her hair down and is in a peach shirt.

Sean Astin is Kirk’s friend! They are in school an Kirk is lusting after this blonde chick who is bitchy because she is the blonde chick in an ‘80s movie. He asks her out awkwardly to go to a concert, and says she looks like Heather Locklear. Blonde agrees to go to the concert to make her boyfriend jealous.

That sassy brunette from the ‘80s is here with Dudley’s boss. And the movie quickly becomes a softcore porn movie, minus the nudity.

Science class! They are all dissecting frogs. Kirk is saying it’s wrong and he has to KILL the frog before dissecting it! He stabs it. Poor frog 😦

Surgery! And an intern is wearing Carol Seaver’s glasses.

High school track. Kirk is running in a half shirt. Blonde’s boyfriend “Rick” is wearing a skimpy tank top that shows his nipple and he’s getting in Kirk’s face, mad that Kirk got made “anchor” and is taking Blonde to the concert. And like, did people do this back in the day? Date other people when they have boyfriends? It always happens in the movies, but I’ve never seen it happen IRL. At least not where all the parties knew about it.

Kirk is upset that he got a C on I guess the frog dissection or maybe his speech from earlier, and Sean said that his dad would give him his porno collection if he got a C.

Kirk drives a red Jeep and wears a pale green button-down shirt unbuttoned over a t-shirt.

It’s the guy from the beginning, and he is Sean’s Uncle Earl and Sean says that his uncle has brain transference serum. Kirk isn’t buying that such a thing could be real, and starts to leave so he can go break the bad news about his C to his dad. But not before saying to Sean, “And if brain transference has anything to do with having your head handed to you, you and your Uncle Earl can come on over to my house and watch,” and he says it SO EMO.

Kirk’s at home, bopping on the couch to MTV, and the doorbell rings. It’s Sean Astin. Kirk says, “I thought you were my dad,” but why would his dad ring the doorbell? Anways, Sean has the brain transference serum.

OMG my cat Dr. Von Rockenstein is on screen! And suddenly Kirk has a dog as well, like where were all these pets before? And Sean and Kirk test the serum on the animals and the cat starts barking and chasing the dog who meows!

Shoutout as Sean mentions a panther. And he is wearing a light purple button-down shirt open and it has palm trees on it. He says that Blonde is used to guys like Don Johnson and Sylvester Stallone, and Kirk is not like those guys. Then in another awesome move as a friend, he blows up Kirk’s spot about the C.

Dudley is drinking a Bloody Mary. Which apparently is actually BRAIN SERUM because he and Kirk switch bodies 😮

Kirk: (Kirk)?

Dudley: Dad?

Kirk curses!

Dudley: I’m old!

Oh it’s because he put Tabasco sauce in his Bloody Mary, and I guess that’s where the brain serum was? Not sure. But they’re switched, and Kirk (I’m just going to call them by the names their bodies are, so as not to give myself a stroke) scoffs at the idea of brain transference serum. But just as he does this, the cat jumps up and barks! Now a believer, Kirk threatens Sean Astin that he better fix this, while Dudley cries.

Cut to Dudley, staring horrified in the mirror.

Kirk, lying in bed and gazing at the ceiling.

Dudley finds a wallet in his suit pocket.

Kirk is wearing sneakers on the bed >:o

Dudley pulls out an American Express card and smiles. Good luck finding someone who takes AmEx, Dudley!

Dudley goes to Sean Astin’s house and throws rocks at the window to get his attention. It doesn’t work, so he climbs a tree. The tree is like, a tall twig with some branches, but Dudley channels Ozzy Luth and shimmies up. It bends back, and he falls in front of Sean’s parents’ window where they are reading in bed, and Sean’s dad is none other than “Buffy’s” Principal Snyder!!!

Lol, ‘80s montage of Dudley and Sean driving like in “Teen Wolf” but with a different surf-y song. They are going shopping with Dudley’s credit cards to buy movies and porn! And where are they, where Sean’s parents were getting ready for bed, yet all these stores are open? Anyway, back in the car Dudley stands up and flips around the Jeep, so it really is like “Teen Wolf.”

Bar. Every woman looks like a hooker. An AWESOME song plays, an ‘80s sexy ballad. Dudley orders a martini. The bartender won’t serve Sean Astin so he goes “to gets me a woman.” Dudley drinks his martini and looks like a woman in his teal blazer with shoulder pads, and makeup, and hair like Linda Ronstadt. Across the bar is Softcore Lady from before. She also has hair like Linda Ronstadt.

Sean Astin is wearing like…a button-up turtleneck? But kind of Sergeant Peppery, and it is pink with black buttons and paired with a purple and yellow blazer. He hits on Softcore, but is rebuffed.

Wang Chung is playing as Dudley parties!

At home, Kirk wakes up. It’s morning.

Dudley arrives home, stumbling out of the car.

I guess they think it was a dream, because they each look in the mirror and scream.

Dudley drunk drove 😦 The Jeep is on the lawn. Kirk yells at Dudley and says he is grounded. Some random dude in the background on their lawn cheers Kirk on.

Dudley is eating Cocoa Puffs and Kirk admonishes him that he is on a diet. Sean shows up and eats Cap’n Crunch straight from the box, yet his mouth does not bleed.

Kirk gives Dudley a note for him to call work and read. Kirk’s going to school. Dudley is horrified and runs after the car and tries to stop Kirk. Dudley then lies down in the road, but Kirk just goes in the other direction.

“Dude Looks Like a Lady” plays as Kirk parallel parks a Jaguar as Sean stands up in the car.

Rick is here, all butthurt and 39 years old. Blonde shows up and kisses Kirk to make Rick jealous. Blonde is an asshole. But Kirk looks impressed with his son in a nice bit of acting.

Dudley pretends to be hoarse and calls in sick.

High school. Kirk can’t find his class, and is walking all stiff and shuffly. He acts rude to the other kids as he tries to find a seat. He tells someone touching him to “Stop that!” and someone in the background mimics him over and over really loudly.

Kirk asks, “Is this seat taken,” and an awesome stoner/slacker who is 32 if he is a day says, “Naw, we saved it just for you, dude.”

The teacher busts Kirk for being late and asks sarcastically if Kirk thinks he has a firm grasp on the respiratory system and Kirk’s like, “Absolutely,” ‘cause he’s a doctor, you know. He calls the teacher’s diagram remedial and starts giving a speech about science.

A lady at the hospital tells Dudley’s Boss that Dudley is sick. Boss says that’s a first and he’ll drop by his house to check on him like, stalk much, Boss?

Dudley’s housekeeper leaves to go get groceries, and so we get a montage of Dudley Having Fun. He blasts the stereo and screaming and it’s as if he’s never had the house to himself or was kept under the stairs like Harry Potter his whole life.

Kirk is a know it all in yet another class, annoying the teacher by being the only one to answer questions, and it’s like maybe if none of your students can answer any of your questions besides a middle-aged doctor, maybe you need a new approach.

Dudley’s standing on a table playing air guitar and SCREAMING “Yeah yeah yeah yeah” for some reason, like those aren’t the lyrics; he’s just yelling “Yeah” over and over again like a toddler who just learned a new word. Anyway, Boss comes in; I guess Boss just lets himself into his employee’s houses in as foreshadowing to the drug testing and Facebook page prying of today, and Dudley is so busted! Boss says he will see Dudley at the hospital and not for nothing, but if Dudley has never, ever taken a sick day can’t Boss just calm the heck down and cut Dudley some slack?

High school. Kirk tattles on a classmate and Sean facepalms.

Dudley drives the Jeep to the hospital. He’s all tissue-shaving-cut. Two doctors show up and remind me of the villains in “Funny Games,” all creepily white and pastel, and they are shocked that Dudley is chewing gum.

Dudley goes into the hospital and it looks and sounds more like a zombie video game with all of the SCREAMING and TERRIFIED RUNNING.

High school cafeteria. Sean exposits that he’s been trying to reach Uncle Earl. Kirk lectures Sean about nitrates. They’re in one of those cafeterias that I only ever see in movies, with really long tables. Everyone moves away from Kirk, as he is now a pariah. Sean compares him to Charles Manson.

Dudley hides in his office.

REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY long scene of Dudley all, “I could get used to this!” about his nice office, and he talks to a skeleton. Some dude comes by and asks if he could do rounds for him. So hijinx ensue as Dudley leads his interns around and is silent. Lol, he’s just meandering around the file cabinets and stuff. Then goes, “Great rounds,” and an intern says they’re supposed to see a patient. So they go see a patient and someone gives Dudley the patient’s binder. Dudley asks the guys to take it, and for their opinions. So the interns are all shocked to be listened to, and help out. Dudley is like, okay let’s do that, and then shouts, “God! This is great! I love it!” which I remember from the commercial.

High school. A girl wishes Kirk luck on the track meet.

Dudley bums a cigarette from a fellow doctor in this hospital meeting, though I never see them having meetings on “Grey’s Anatomy,” and he starts coughing, like this is the first time he’s trying a cigarette. So he lets it just hang from his mouth, drops it, picks it up, smokes some more, and coughs again. Then he drops it in the ashtray, which catches fire.

Oh, 7thHeavenMom is here at the meeting.

Dudley now chokes on his gum, which I guess he still had in his mouth while “smoking,” and spits it into a woman’s hair across the table.

7thHeavenMom is passionately defending poor people again, and everyone’s like, “Oh this again – women!” and 7thHeavenMom calls people out on being afraid to stand up to Boss and send this proposal to committee to be heard. Something like that. And Dudley’s like, “Hell, I’ll second it!” and 7thHeavenMom beams with Renewed Hope At the Glimmer of Old Dudley. Then the boss delivers a truly hilarious line about Dudley being full of surprises today, first with the gum “and the cigarette trick,” and the fire, and now this. This actor is awesome, and maybe looks familiar, but I don’t know from where?

Dudley stands up before the meeting’s been adjourned and goes, “Hey are we out of here, or what?”

7thHeavenMom asks what’s up with the change of heart and Dudley talks about the “hypocritical oath.” 7thHeavenMom is like, “I didn’t think you had it in you,” like thanks a LOT, 7thHeavenMom for your passive aggressive compliments.

Scene from the commercial where people tell Dudley to hit a patient, so Dudley punches the patient in the face.

High school. Track meet. Their colors are green and white. Rick has 20 pounds of mousse in his hair even though he has to run, and he gets up in Kirk’s grill again, and omg, lay off the ‘roids, RAGE BOY!!!

Cut to the meet, where Kirk is messing up – not taking the baton, having to go back, dropping the baton. And after Dudley behaved at the meeting, Kirk’s clumsiness seems more like how Kirk would be even if Kirk was Kirk, and not Dudley as Kirk.

Okay, so this is really weird. In the stands, there is, from left to right:

A guy in a letterman jacket
Sean Astin
A cheerleader in a green and white jacket
A cheerleader in Sunnydale maroon and gold

All cheering their asses off. ??? First of all, okay, I guess the guy in the jacket could just be a football player who really DIGS track, but why is that green and white cheerleader there, in uniform but in the stands? And why is an enemy school cheerleader just standing there next to her?

Slo-mo as Kirk runs to an ‘80s anthem-esque “Yeah, you can do it!” song. Kirk runs really hard and makes faces and people are REALLY PSYCHED and cheering and the coach makes the best, most dramatic faces since Jennifer Love Hewitt on “Kids, Incorporated.”

You think that Kirk’s won as he dives onto the ground, but he dove 10 yards too soon and never crosses the finish line, which Sean Astin explains to him.

Dudley is in the hospital parking lot, and so is his intern, and this show really makes being a doctor in a hospital look like a normal 9 to 5 job. Dudley asks Intern if he’s okay, ‘cause he’s having trouble with his car. Intern is surprised to see Dudley Exhibiting Humanity.

High school. Kirk walks with Sean and Rick is thugging out as per usz. Kirk goes, “You want to have a fist fight?” Rick responds with, “That’s right, Dork Vomit.” Kirk just gets in his car, ignoring Rick and Sean’s all scared, but Kirk starts the car and runs over Rick’s foot.

Kirk at home. He is horrified to learn from the housekeeper that Dudley went to work. Dudley pulls up just then with all the interns, and they are all SCREAMING with joy. Dudley tells Kirk that he went for pizza with his interns and Kirk is so MAD. They walk around the house fighting. First Kirk yells at Dudley about the pizza, then Dudley is mad that Kirk lost the track meet.

Phone rings. It’s Blonde! Whose name is Laurie! Because every blonde in ‘80s movies and television was named Laurie or Debbie! Dudley begs Kirk to take Laurie to the concert as planned, so Kirk reluctantly goes.

Concert! To see Autograph. Laurie is cheering and Kirk is hilariously covering his ears, in terrible pain. He is wearing a gray jacket with shoulder pads, and tries to get Laurie to leave.

Dudley opens the door and it’s Softcore, here to have sex and Dudleys’ all 😮 They awkwardly kiss, and it really is like Kirk-Kirk is supposed to be five or maybe 10, but definitely not 17.

Since Softcore is brunette, she is Sexually Aggressive and really earning her moniker in this scene. They kiss again, and she walks into the living room. She sits down and asks Dudley for a drink and some music. Dudley puts on loud music (Autograph?) but turns it off after seeing Softcore’s displeasure. Then she says it’s a little bright in here and she certainly is demanding for someone who just showed up unexpectedly at this dude’s house. She sulks as Dudley looks for candles and brings cans of Bud, and then somehow he starts yet another fire, but this time on his couch, which he pushes into the pool. Softcore says, “I have beer at home,” and “Good night, (Dudley).” What a bitch!

Kirk has driven Laurie home, saying it’s good they left early because now they still have the rest of the night to get things done, and she slams the door with an exasperated sigh.

Rick BREAKS THROUGH THE GLASS OF KIRK’S CAR DOOR WITH HIS BARE HANDS!!! And pulls Kirk out and beats him up. Kirk stumbles home all bloody in a shoutout to the zombie video game at the hospital.

Kirk and Dudley are back together again. They glare and fight as Dudley stands in the shower with his suit still on. Dudley spits water at Kirk and screams, “Why don’t you leave me alone and let me live my own life!” and Kirk yells back, “How can you live your own life? You can’t even live my life!” which sounds really deep, but actually is not logical whatsoever.

Sean Astin is here! Uncle Earl knows where the antidote grows, so they are going on a trip to Death Valley in search of some root.

Dudley finds the root! So they squat around the fire to make the magic happen. Only Kirk says he doesn’t squat. They make him anyway, and he says, “I feel DAMN silly,” and bitches at Uncle Earl. Uncle Earl gives them the magic tea but nothing happens.

Earl: Sometimes it takes awhile.

Kirk: Mumbo jumbo. Damn!

And then he storms away and it is hilarious.

They’re in a school bus for some reason and they go to a truck stop, where someone is inside screaming and giving birth! As you do. Screaming Lady says she has a son, and Kirk says, “So do I,” as he delivers the baby and tells Dudley to watch. The lady yells “Ow” a lot, and the baby comes out totally clean.

And Kirk is wearing a peach button-down shirt with gray slacks.

Hospital. Boss comes into Dudley’s office, and Dudley is sleeping. Kirk-Kirk better invent Facebook or something, because no way is he making it through medical school, dumbass walking Id that he is. Boss is saying that he’s supporting someone else for chief of staff. Just like “Grey’s Anatomy!”

Kirk is late for his Northwestern interview, so he is running down the hall and someone mopping the floors pours down all this water and Kirk sliiiiiiiides down the entire hall and pushes the interview lady out the window! Lol. He freaks out (understandably) and she is a bit stunned, but nice, and wearing a French braid.

All of a sudden, Kirk and Dudley switch back to their original bodies! And they look all insane because they’re around people and laughing and staring at their hands and yelling. Dudley-Dudley dances with the skeleton while yelling, “I want to be a doctor!” and 7thHeavenMom is like, “?”

Kirk has a revelation and runs from the interview. Rick tries to beat him up yet again. Rick offers to fight him with both hands tied behind his back. So Kirk punches him in the face. Everyone cheers and Rick goes down as “Wild Side” by Motley Crüe starts playing.

Because it is the ‘80s, we get a high-speed car chase scene, only it’s not a chase so much as Kirk trying to rush…somewhere…as Kirk drives a terrified Sean Astin around in the Jaguar.

Oh, they’re at the the zombie video game. Kirk runs and runs through the hospital halls.

7thHeavenMom compliments Dudley’s balls.

Omg Kirk shows up at a meeting to give an impassioned plea on his dad’s behalf, saying it was Kirk’s fault that Dudley hasn’t been himself. Tinkly piano plays as Dudley overhears Kirk’s speech and gets misty.

After Kirk’s speech, Boss says, nope, chief of staff is (some other doctor) and then Kirk starts YELLING at him and everyone, going “You can’t do this!” like, way to help your dad out, kid.

Dudley comes in and gives his OWN speech, saying that he’s been an ass, and not a good friend to 7thHeavenMom, but how he’s changed and hopes to change more.

Kirk is crying.

“You can shove the chief of staff job; this is about me and my son.” More tinkly piano. Kirk is crying and they hug. Dudley says they have to go celebrate. Sean pulls out a little bottle and asks if Dudley and Kirk want it. They say no. Meanwhile, Rick is lying on a hospital bed(???) and Sean goes, “Hey Rick, I have a present for you,” and pours the liquor down Rick’s gaping jaw. BUT OMG it is actually the potion! Because he and Boss lock eyes and become each other 😮 Not sure where Boss got the potion, but whatevs.

Dudley and Kirk are outside walking and they hear screams as, presumably, Rick and Boss switch bodies. Kirk and Dudley look at each other and laugh and go to put their arms around each other and FREEZE FRAME.

~ THE END ~

Posted in AcTING!, Apartments & Other Domiciles, Cats, Celebrities, Childhood, Entertainment, Family, Intentionally Cheesy Movie Night, Miscellaneous, Movies, School | Tagged '80s movies, 7th Heaven, Autograph band, blondes, Bloody Mary, brain transference serum, Cap'n Crunch, Carol Seaver, Catherine Hicks, celebrities, cheerleaders, chief of staff, Chris Hammond, Cocoa Puffs, curly hair, doctors, Don Johnson, Dr. von Rockenstein, Dudley Moore, freeze frame, frog dissection, Funny Games, getting a C, giving birth at truck stops, Grey's Anatomy, Heather Locklear, High school, high-speed car chases, hospitals, ICMN, Intentionally Cheesy Movie Night, Jack Hammond, Jaguars, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Kids Incorporated, Kirk Cameron, lettermen jackets, Like Father Like Son, Linda Ronstadt, Margaret Colin, martinis, Merrick New York, Michael J. Fox, montages, Motley Crue Wild Side, mumbo jumbo, Northwestern University, Ozzy Luth, panthers, Pegasus, Peggy Sue Got Married, Principal Snyder, red Jeep, red jeeps, Rick, Sean Astin, shoulder pads, speeches, surgery, Sylvester Stallone, Tabasco, Teen Wolf, The Baby-Sitters Club, tinkly piano music, Tri-Star, Uncle Earl, wiseasses, yuppies, zombie video games | Leave a comment

5 Reasons To Watch Funny Games (2007 Remake)

Posted on March 11, 2012 by judisunshine

Spoiler alert! Though I think one could watch “Funny Games” and enjoy it after reading my blog, I do give potential spoilers for the movie!

1) The Soundtrack/Score

I’ve always had a predilection towards metal and other scary sounds that many don’t consider music, but I do. Thanks to my friend Jim and my brother Eric, the entrance to Adventureland circa 1987 would not scare me anymore. But the entrance to “Funny Games” terrified me to the core. A song by Naked City called “Bonehead.” It contrasted excellently with the unsettingly lovely classical music in the beginning of the film. “Can we just have this movie?” I asked, as Naomi Watts & Company drove happily to their idyllic vacation spot.

Nope.

2) The Kid

Kid actors, I have the ultimate empathy for them. I sort of/almost was one of them. And in the case of “Funny Games,” it was a movie where I really couldn’t even imagine either being THE kid, or being the parents of the kid actor (Devon Gearheart). According to IMDB, Tim Roth (the dad in the movie, who isn’t on the list, but was excellent) can’t even watch “Funny Games,” because Devon reminded him of his kid.

Back story given, Gearheart is a superb actor, IMO. His scenes were the ones that scared me, that I cared about most. He played a truly sympathetic character, and I will never know how a boy so young was able to conjure up so many things that adult actors spend years striving for — tears, terror…and even way before that, back in the beginning of the movie, he was a surprisingly not annoying kid. Tim and Naomi were lucky to have him. I don’t think the movie would have worked as well, had Devon Gearheart not been such a gem of a kid actor.

3) Naomi Watts

I’m not sure what exactly it is, about Naomi Watts. I recently read one of TWoP Jacob’s recaps, where he (I’m paraphrasing) said about Alanis Morrisette, that when she’s around, he feels more understood, and life makes more sense. I feel that way about Alanis, and I feel that way about Naomi. I adore her. And just when I think maybe I fell in love with Ms. Watts during a drunk and/or misguided moment, “Funny Games” happens before my eyes.

If Naomi Watts were cast in every horror movie, I’d be an aficionado. Because that woman is luminous. She is visceral. She is every reason that I acted, and every reason that I bowed out of acting. Naomi Watts has relentless Balls Of Steel that I can’t even begin to comprehend. The scene where she takes off her dress, and there on in — it was too little, too late for the character, but my God, Naomi Watts acts the hell out of all of it.

4) The Villain(s)

Brady Corbet asks for eggs, and Michael Pitt steps in later. Both are chilling to not even just the bone, but the marrow. Corbet sets up a fabulous Gift of Fear (have you read it yet? Read it plz!) foundation for the movie, then Pitt comes in and it’s like you’re grabbed by the throat.

“Warmer…warmer…colder…colder…warmer…so hot!”

From the get go, it was sinister. From the middle(?), the fourth wall was broken. By the time the knife that went off in the first act gets nonchalantly discarded in the third, we’ve lived another day in another life, and we feel it all get destroyed.

Murdered.

“Ciao, bella.”

Lather, rinse, repeat.

5) The Frustration

WHY didn’t Naomi push Pitt into the water, and use the distraction to get her friends to help her.

WHY didn’t Roth & Son, and Everyone, listen to their barking dog.

But would any of that even have mattered, in the end? When the villain has control of the remote — and all of that is kind of the entire point.

Posted in AcTING!, Books, Cats, Celebrities, Childhood, Driving & Other Transportation, Family, Food, Friends, Going Out, Lists, Miscellaneous, Movies, Music, Superheroes/Villains, Supernatural :o, Theater, TV, Women | Tagged 1987, Adventureland, Alanis Morrissette, awesome kid actors, Balls of steel, Bonehead, Brady Corbet, classical music, Devon Gearheart, Devon Gearheart is a prodigiously awesome actor, emoticons, every woman should read Gift of Fear and Tomato Nation, Funny Games, Funny Games 2007, Gavin De Becker, Gift of Fear, idyllic vacation spots, IMDB, Michael Haneke, Michael Pitt, Naked City, Naomi Watts, Naomi Watts 'cause she is a fucking rock star, Naomi Watts acting the hell out of all of it, score, Soundtrack, sympathetic character, T. S. Eliot, Tm Roth | 5 Comments

Prithee, My Dear, Why Are We Here?

Posted on March 11, 2012 by judisunshine

They were all there. Stuck in the basement. Like it was a bomb shelter — not ideal, but necessary. For the time being.

And I was one of them, but one day I wondered why I accepted it so easily, that I had to stay there. There were people upstairs. Outside, even.

So I went upstairs. Just like that. And went back downstairs to see my friends, but grew increasingly frustrated.

Time passed, and more people went upstairs, but first they had to bleed somehow. I’d never bled; I just knew I could go upstairs. There were no guard dogs, no one waiting at the gate to shoot.

But it also wasn’t easy living, upstairs. There was a war going on, of sorts. I didn’t understand it, or even who was fighting whom. No one was bothering me. Something let me float above, unscathed. I just knew it was important to be careful.

And I knew that there was safety in numbers. The people in the basement no longer belonged there. They were starting to become gray and moldy, and their denial that anything was wrong maddened me to the point that I lost my temper.

“Why are you still sitting here, under the stairs! Why don’t you just go up there?”

“We can’t.”
“We don’t know how.”
“We’re safe here.”

“You’re not safe. You’re letting yourself decay and soon it will be too late to do anything. If you go upstairs now, we all stand a chance. Why don’t you just do it?”

“We can’t get in. The only people that can get upstairs are the people who’ve shed blood.”

“THEN PRICK YOURSELF WITH A PIN! IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL! IT IS JUST BLOOD.”

I stabbed a pin in my finger, just to prove a point, and enjoyed watching how such a tiny cut could bleed so much. It was just blood. It didn’t hurt at all. And anything was a welcome change from the gray, gray, gray, everywhere in the basement.

The next time I went upstairs though, things were different. I no longer floated above; they saw me.

And they were not pleased.

One of them chased me upstairs. I got away, but now I was really angry. Were the Basement People ever going to stop confusing their complacency with comfort? Because I could fight it out as long as possible, but really could use some help.

And no way was I going back to the basement now.

Second Dream

First Dream

Posted in Animals, Apartments & Other Domiciles, Dreams, Miscellaneous, Superheroes/Villains, Supernatural :o, Women | Tagged basement, blood, bomb shelter, chase, floating above, gray and moldy, guard dogs, pin, pricked finger, safety in numbers, stabbed, time being, travel, vacation, waiting at the gate | 8 Comments

	Bernard on Tweety Two And Tweety Three Wa…
	Anonymous on Or Maybe. Periods. And Co…
	Anonymous on Cool Kids Eat Waxed Chees…
	Anonymous on Or Maybe. Periods. And Co…
	Anonymous on Or Maybe. Periods. And Co…

judisunshine