1. It’s really nice out. I wish I didn’t have to go to work.

2. Although, if I didn’t have work, there’s no way I’d be awake.

3. And even if I was, who am I kidding? I’m never motivated to go outside just because it’s nice.

4. I think I’m gonna be late for work.

5. Paris Hilton has a song??? What is wrong with this world???

6. “Screwed”?

7. Okay, this song sucks even worse than I would expect.

8. This is REALLY REALLY bad.

9. So wait, what is this about? How is it that she knows what his type is, and what he needs, but she has to get his number? Wouldn’t she already have it?

10. Why do I care?

11. Oh my God, they’re gonna play this in clubs, aren’t they? And people are going to be around me, dancing and singing thinking they’re all “sexy” like Paris, and I’m going to hate them based on that alone.

12. I think this is even worse than “Rumors.”

13. How did she go from being brunette to blonde again in like, a week?

14. This song makes no sense.

15. At least all the callers hate it too. It restores my faith in humanity a tiny bit.

16. Wow, a lot of Long Island women really sound like they’re holding their noses while they talk.

17. No, it would NOT be okay to dance to in a club, Caller! What did I JUST say?

18. Yeah, I’m definitely gonna be late. Oh well.

19. Maybe I’ll do that detox diet from the book in the bathroom. It must work. You have to eat millet porridge.

20. But I really enjoy my toxins.

21. Maybe I will keep my toxins, and just eat the millet. Then I get to go to the health food store!

22. Health food stores smell really gross.

23. Why do some people wear those furry boots and look really cute, but some look like they’re on their way to shovel snow?

24. Oh wow, I might not be late!

25. If this LADY stops proving some kind of POINT by refusing to go at a REASONABLE LEFT LANE SPEED!

27. Oh, she’s eating her breakfast. Carry on, Lady. Sorry for being so rude to you in my mind! Enjoy your egg sandwich!

28. When guys, like rocker guys, have shaggy, devil-may-care hair, it’s all ruined when they are so “here is my hair” about it.

29. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING???

30. Why is 102.3 playing this? Is this Muddy Waters?

31. I think it’s Led Zeppelin.

32. Weird.

33. Oh my God, I think I’m really gonna be on time!

34. This song is blowing my mind and it’s not even 8:30 yet.

35. GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!!!!

36. I can’t believe I smoked 12 Marlboro Reds last night and lived to tell the tale.

37. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?????????

38. Is it too early in the morning to eat a cheeseburger?

39. I think I’m on time because everyone got drunk last night and stayed home from work today. Thanks, Drunk People!

© March 18, 2005