– My Zone bar tasted REALLY good this morning. Why? Why this morning? Don’t get me wrong, I think the Zone bars are pretty tasty, but this morning it was extra good.
– Why can’t I get “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” out of my head???
– What kind of brilliantly bizarre mind thinks to compare the relative merits of Catherine Zeta-Jones and bagels?
– Why can’t people read Snopes before they send me forwards? WHY?
– Who decided that green was the It Color of 2005? What does that mean? Why is this? It’s all very annoying.
– Why must women pee all over the toilet seats? This really pisses me off, har har. No, but seriously. It’s like, first of all, if you really have such a delicate heiny (TM Suzy from Calvin And Hobbes) that you just can’t deign to share a toilet with others, fine. Use one of those seat covers, or spread some paper on the seat, or, if you really must, squat. That’s your business. But when your business becomes my business, then we have a problem; i.e., do NOT leave droplets all over the seat, and do NOT leave toilet paper there either!!! Really, if you’re such a fancy lady that you can’t sit on a toilet seat, please be fancy enough to not leave it more disgusting than when you entered the stall. Thanks.
– What could it possibly mean that Annette Bening is randomly in my dream the night before I watch “The Sopranos” ep where she is randomly in Tony’s dream? This worries me a bit.
– Why do people claiming to be cereal aficionados destroy their credibility by saying “Captain Crunch?” It’s Cap’n!
– Why doesn’t the radio play Rilo Kiley?
– What is the point of washing my shirt if it is still going to have cat hair and random crumbs all over it?
– Why do toy companies re-create toys from my youth, only to make them suck? I can think of two examples offhand: Hungry Hungry Hippos, which have apparently developed some sort of eating disorder, and the Fisher Price Little People, which are now pretty darn big.
– Why didn’t I get another coffee from Coffee Cart Man when I had the chance???
© March 21, 2005
OMG Adam . I love this. Mainly, because I know 17-year-old you and I can still hear the fckniug wretched voice of my mom telling me all of your accolades and how I have fallen very very short of living up to you. Between you and Chris Monsour, I never stood a chance. I slid out of over-achiever mode and into boozy derelict somewhere around junior year. I started bringing vodka to school in water bottles and engaging in a plethora of unsavory behaviors, resulting in a shitty SAT score, i think it was like a 1400 or something (calm down youngins, i’m talking about the old system) and well, my mom disowned me. The shitty SATs + quitting the marching band made her pop her top. I digress. Anyways, I always refer to 17-yr-old-Rose she was a hardass, with an amazing body and the bitchiest most entitled attitude ever. And she was terrified of so much. I hate her and I love her and I feel bad for her. It’s nice not to be 17. Congrats Mr. 35, I think you’re in a great place now, all things considered, and that 17 year old would be proud. He’d totally approve and he’s probably be in a little bit of awe. Seeing how you shook off the man and all.