And ANOTHER Thing…

Posted on April 4, 2011 by judisunshine

One of my New Year’s resolutions was to become a better communicator. This is turning out to be a good thing, but a lot more challenging than one might think. Why is this? Is it because people dont usually take the time to work on their communication skills? Or am I just especially bad at it? Oh well, it’s a work in progress.

It kind of feels like I’m getting all my bones broken in order to grow back right. Like somewhere along the line, I got formed wrong. Consequently, I make a lot of mistakes, I guess due to all the…broken bones. All right, I’m gonna stop with the bone analogy. But seriously.

For example, the when to stop conundrum. On one side, you have the person who really really wants to solve this RIGHT NOW, and not end things until some kind of agreement is reached. This person is usually me. Then on the other side, you have the person speaking the words I hate to hear: “Let’s stop talking about this.” “The conversation is over.” “I’m not mad, but if you keep asking me, I’ll get mad.” “You’re driving me crazy.” “It’s four o’clock in the morning; I have to go to sleep.”

Okay, I’ve actually gotten better about the whole sleep deprivation tactic, in that I don’t do it anymore ’cause it got me dumped twice, but it’s still hard for me to abruptly stop talking about something when nothing’s been settled. The need to let things go sometimes is clear, especially in hindsight, and I dont want to be Dawson or Meadow Soprano, because I get how maddening it is to fight with someone who just won’t stop. But when I’m the one being told to drop it, I feel very helpless.

So how do you go about learning the balance? How do you know if you’re being overly controlling by wanting to hash things out, or if the other person is being controlling by ending the discussion? Trial and error, I guess. Maybe taking turns. It’s a very tricky business, this mature communicating. But I will figure it out.

NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES.

© April 20, 2005

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Ewan I Need to Talk

Posted on March 30, 2011 by judisunshine

So I heard this morning that Ewan McGregor is going to be starring in “Guys and Dolls” in London. And you know, good for him and all. But here’s the thing: he has already stated that he will not sign any autographs on “Star Wars” memorabilia. This really irks me.

Disclaimer: I heard this on the radio. If it isn’t true, I will take this down! So you know, Ewan McGregor, if you eagerly await my new blogs and are now all crestfallen and/or perturbed, set me straight if I’m wrong.

However, if it is true — what the hell? Now, I get that “Star Wars” fans can be scary and annoying. I’ve never been a Trekkie, or a…Warrie or anything. But I am an extremely avid “Buffy” lover, so I know from terrifying fans. The fanfiction alone is enough to induce nausea and nightmares. And mention on the boards to a B/A shipper that you are a B/S shipper, or just try telling the people on that one W/T site that sawry, sawry, but really and truly there were episodes after “Entropy,” and you’ve got World War Three on your hands.

But I digress. My point is, don’t bite the hand that feeds you, McGregor! We all know youre a Very Serious Actuh. Still, no one forced you to make tons and tons of money playing one of the most well-known fictional characters of all time, you know, EVER. I’ve always admired actors who smartly manage their careers, making big money movies here and there to help them afford to do the projects they really care about. I, however, really do NOT admire when actors get loads of money to do big movies, then bitch about those big movies while they’re off being artsy-fartsy. Because, seriously. Leonardo DiCaprio getting a bit thrown by the “Titanic” craze is one thing. A lot of people expected that movie to tank, and anyway, it was a stand-alone piece. The “Star Wars” prequels? Three of the most highly anticipated movies of all time. You HAD to know what you were getting into! I mean, you just had to!

So it’s great that you’re getting to do a musical in London, and very lovely of you to take a pay cut in order to do it. But, please, Ewan. Be a bitch about autographs or don’t be, but don’t start dickering about which fans are cool enough to sit with you at the lunch table.

And don’t ever put me in the position of defending Leonardo DiCaprio again.

© April 15, 2005

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Long Island Clubbing

Posted on March 29, 2011 by judisunshine

Going to clubs is quite a complicated ordeal. It’s one of those things that you really have to muster up energy for, and you are never genuinely sure if it is worth it. I don’t know that I’ve ever had a fully satisfying club experience, but I am still hit with a burning desire to go every now and again.

But okay. For starters, deciding what to wear is very tricky. Because you want to look nice, but not too cheesy. And you don’t want to be too warm. And you want your hair and makeup to be a little more, since it’s a club and it’s all very glamorous in your head before you get there, but you don’t want it to be too high maintenance. And the shoes. It is VERY VERY hard to find shoes that make you taller, comfortable, dressy, AND able to dance. Next to impossible. But when all is said and done, you do what you can do, and hope for the best.

With that taken care of, once you get to the club, and make it past the bouncers, and, in the case of the China Club, metal detectors(!), you are in. You are there — The Club. And because we’ve all seen “Sex and the City” at least a couple of times, walking in feels exciting, what with the good beat for walking and your fresh hair and makeup that has yet to deteriorate.

It’s all good so far, but you then are faced with the decision of what to drink. And that, unfortunately, is where the cool points go out the window for many a club. Because paying $32 for a round of 4 drinks, two of which had no alcohol, made me very sad when I was at the China Club. So you have to budget. Bottled beer is the best to bring on the dance floor, but is it the biggest bang for your buck? Shannon and I have found that a shot of tequila with a beer for the floor works out pretty nicely. As long as youre not at China Club. Sorry, China Club. You kind of rule, otherwise, but your prices are so insanely ridiculous that I can’t see you anymore unless you do some kind of real drink special, and I don’t mean that BS one-hour open bar when you don’t even open for the first half hour.

Anyway. So then you have your drink, and you’re all set to go out and do your thing. You wait for a good song to come on, and if youre lucky, it will be a club that plays individual hip hop songs as opposed to that Mixmaster Mess of terrible dance songs extended 12 hours to be even terribler. But say the song is good, and you’re feeling it, and you’re having a good time dancing around. And then. THEN! You feel IT — The Shadow From Behind. The impending approach of a guy who really thinks it’s charming and sexy when he comes up from behind you and starts grabbing your hips and grinding into you. I used to live in fear of this, wanting to dance but worrying the whole time about what I would do when a guy would dance with me. So I instituted a policy. Now I just tell guys, “I dont touch.” One very very drunk guy responded to this in the following manner:

GUY: Well how about this? (touches my waist)

ME: No.

GUY: Okay, that’s cool, that’s cool. (pause, dance)
This? (touches my shoulder)

ME: No. No touching. I don’t touch.

GUY: There’s something wrong with you.

ME: Okay.

GUY: I feel sorry for you.

ME: Yeah.

GUY: (huffily stumbles off)

So armed with this tactic, you’ve survived The Shadow From Behind. Now it’s time to deal with the Awkward Smalltalkers. And I’m not trying to be mean, here. I’m not talking about the guys brave enough to approach someone in general. I’m talking about the guys obviously just out for sex, and not even interesting about it. Conversation with Awkward Smalltalkers usually goes something like this:

GUY 1: So what’s your names?

ME: Judi.

SHANNON: (random lie)

GUY 2: Ohhhh, what do you do?

ME: I’m a proofreader. It’s very glamorous and exciting.

SHANNON: (random lie)

ME: What about you?

GUY 1: Blah blah blah.

GUY 2: Blah blah blah.

GUY 1: So, is your hair really red?

SHANNON: Yeah.

GUY 1: Cool. Me and my buddy here were thinking maybe,
you, uh, wanna dance?

And here is where you escape via the bathroom. Because you really do have to go, anyway. So you excuse yourself, and head forth. But, lo! There is the obstacle course to contend with. First, you must shove through drunk, loud girls who are falling backwards onto you and flipping their hair into your drink (another point for bottles). In addition, you must squeeze past guys who will pretend to not be able to move so they can cop a cheap feel. This is very annoying and pathetic.

Finally, FINALLY, you are in the bathroom. You must then wait on a line and watch women fall in and out of stalls, while someone yells about how so-and-so is such a bastard, and she can’t believe he slept with that whore, and she certainly can’t believe said whore had the nerve to show up that night, and the whore better watch herself or she’s gonna get punched in the face.

And so on, and so forth. Toilet seats are wet, half-empty glasses and beer bottles perch precariously all over the stall. But you prevail. And if you are lucky, you will meet Loving Drunk Girl, who will totally become your best friend for the remainder of the night. Lend her a hair tie, and she’ll shout randomly throughout the club about how you rule, and she’ll sing your praises to all of her friends, and you, being drunk yourself, will feel very special indeed.

Finally, the time has come to say goodbye. And you know this because if you are at Minnesota’s, you are hearing “I Had the Time of My Life” and Shannon is all prepared to do The Lift, no joke, and her Tasmanian Bedeviled friend is all ready to help her. But then the song is cut short, so no one ends up in the hospital.

And as you venture out into the balmy night, you gaze wistfully at the scene you leave behind. Where memories were made, and that really hairy guy managed to make out with the tiny sorority girl who’s been drunk since her first Cosmopolitan and is now asleep on the curb. Guys in white t-shirts yell into their cell phones about how their buddy totally beat up some guy and it rocked, ’cause his boys all had his back. And you will wander on into the night, tired, smelling like smoke, and grateful to be out in the fresh air walking with Shannon instead of tearfully arguing with your boyfriend like that girl on the corner.

Good times.

Posted in Body Image, Friends, Going Out, Miscellaneous, Music, Romance, Women | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Life Lessons of the Week

Posted on March 28, 2011 by judisunshine

1. If you discover that it’s snowing outside, even though it’s almost April, put on your headphones and blast “Open Arms” by Journey. Works like a charm.

2. Going to visit one of your best friends in the hospital after she’s just had a baby can be a really nice way to spend an evening.

3. Looking at greeting cards when you have PMS is a very bad idea, because you might just start crying right there in the aisle.

4. You would think that the 50% off card store wouldn’t charge $9.99 for a string bracelet, but you would be wrong.

5. It is harder to find coloring books than you might realize.

6. “Tonsillitis” is the more common spelling than “tonsilitis,” which makes no sense.

7. Bedazzlers are actually very difficult to use.

8. There are people who still say “You can’t handle the truth!”

9. Those same people expect you to laugh when they say it.

10. Although spending time with your friend and her newborn is amazing, eating lunch while your coworkers discuss their placenta experiences is not.

11. Certified Swedish Dog Behaviorist is an actual job that people have.

12. When you are experiencing a devastating breakup, and you go to H&M, and you hear a voice inside your head telling you to buy that strapless leopard-print dress, IGNORE IT.

13. It’s okay to be late for work if there is a really beautiful cardinal outside your window, and you need to watch it for a few minutes to feel happier about life.

© March 23, 2005

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My Kingdom For A Coffee

Posted on March 25, 2011 by judisunshine

The vending machine promised me a tasteful blend of coffee and chocolate in my Cafe Mocha, but this is neither tasteful nor chocolatey. Nor coffee-y, for that matter. This is what happens when I run out of money and can’t get coffee from Coffee Cart Man. Grossness. I guess it’s like the coffee equivalent of turning to crack. You might ask, “Why would you, a basically sane person and a great lover of coffee, purchase such dreck?” My answer would be that I could purchase it with the 65 cents that magically appeared at the bottom of my pocketbook. So I am ashamed, and also a bit afraid of the round white chunks floating at the top, but I need my coffee. Maybe I should have hedged my bets on another buyback from Coffee Cart Man by wearing something sexier than a Powerpuff Girls t-shirt and baggy jeans. But I didn’t think ahead.

Obviously. It’s pretty pathetic that this happens every time I get to the end of a pay cycle. Tomorrow at 8 or 9 a.m., Ill be X-amount of dollars richer, but I need to remember that I still have to budget. Because I really don’t want to experience this madness again. Buying two dollars worth of gas at a time is depressing, especially when I am excited that the needle on the gauge actually moves to the E, instead of hovering ominously below. And Babz is not going to let me bum cigarettes forever. She’s already been fixing me with The Glare.

And really, the coffee situation. I guess I am an official addict, because this week I’ve gone without food, and without gas, in order to get my fix from Coffee Cart Man. But you know, as grateful as I am that he provides for me, why in the world do we not have a coffeemaker here at my job? Every other place Ive worked had community coffee. I thought that was part of the deal. Part of the compensation for being an office cliche — the bottomless mug of coffee. Yes, many of the times, the community coffee hurt my stomach. And yes, the people who’d leave only half an inch in the pot without making more incurred my indignant wrath, but the coffee was there.

But not now. And now my machine coffee has cooled, so I’m not even getting that invigorating warmth. Nothing. It’s sadness in a paper cup. So next pay cycle, I am going to try very hard to budget, because my love affair with coffee is way too precious for me to be mocking it in this way.

© March 31, 2005

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She Never Sleeps…But She Eats Popcorn

Posted on March 23, 2011 by judisunshine

So unfortunately my weekend was pretty bad, and I blame Shannon. She is my best friend since 1986, and even though we now have jobs and are not in high school anymore (to put it mildly), I see her almost every single day. So when she fell victim to the croup last week, I knew it was probably a matter of time before I was sick, too. And I was right. Coughing, dizziness — both were a part of my weekend, so I mostly just slept, and don’t have anything awesome to write about, weekend-wise. Except maybe my hair, which reacted to not being washed or brushed for three days with a remarkable otherworldliness that was quite amazing to behold.

But rather than write about my hair, I will instead take this downtime to share with you all an excellent way to spend your weekend, should you have access to a tiny friend with wonderful improv skills. I speak again of Shannon. When she told me before Halloween that she was going to be Samara from “The Ring,” I thought, Awesome! Samara scares the CRAP out of me, for real. At that point in time, all my brother Eric had to do to was pretend to be Samara coming out of the TV, and I would scream and flail about, unable to deal with my fears.

So although I was excited for Shannon’s costume, I was not prepared, not at all, for the complete transformation I was about to witness. We were spending Halloween at my local bar, Stingers. I had already arrived there with Babz (we were dressed as Sid and Nancy; I was Nancy) and a couple of other friends.

And then — THEN — in walks…SAMARA!!! There she was, Shannon, but not at all Shannon anymore. She was Samara, plain and simple. Her normally curly red hair was replaced by a wig in the form of Samara’s hair exactly, and she had on a little girl white nightgown. And what of her face you could see was pale and scary. All night long, she kept her eyes dead, and she walked haltingly, like Attack-Mode Samara. People were TERRIFIED. Drunk guys were trying to not let on that they were scared of the tiny girl jerking around the bar, and drunk girls were crying. I’m not kidding.

Fast forward to March 2005, when the magic of Samara was revived. And I’m not talking about “The Ring 2.” Although I sort of am, so never mind. Opening night, Shannon informs me that she will be reprising her role as Samara at the movie theater. I didn’t know whether to believe her or not, because although she did a bang-up job on Halloween, that was Halloween, and everyone was drunk. Shannon, growing up, was a very shy girl, and even now, though she is more outgoing, I did not expect her to go to a movie theater dressed in a nightgown and wig.

But she did! And the payoff was fantastic. She was greeted by millions of screams in the movie theater, which was packed for opening night. Everyone was asking for a picture in his/her cell phone, a request that she obliged silently. She did not break character ONCE. Did not speak, did not smile — NOTHING. We sat behind a 10-year-old boy and his father, and the boy leaned farther and farther away from us as the movie went on, and every time a scary part came, he gave us an apprehensive look. It was awesome.

Afterwards, not only did the manager refund our money, but he gave us his flashlight and told us to go scare the people in the later showing. Again, there was much screaming, but this time, applause as well.

Energized by the enthusiastic response, we decided to take the show on the road! We didn’t know if the people in the neighboring multiplex would let us in, but the security guard found us funny, if bewildering. He let us in the back entrance to a theater with 400 seats! The multiplex had four showings going on, and he let us into each one, and as the evening wore on, we’d developed an entourage complete with security guards, concession stand boys, and random girls who may or may not have worked there.

Each movie theater brought with it a new bout of awesomeness. Laughing, screaming…one guy flipped over the ledge to get away from Samara! We thought he was just being dramatic, but when we looked at him, he was staring straight ahead, trying to catch his breath. I think maybe he was high.

When all was said and done, a very fun night was had, and it was well worth the trip (Geddit — well?). I don’t remember the last time I laughed so hard. So again, if you or someone you know has the ability to stay in character all night long, take a trip to your local movie theater and scare some people.

© March 28, 2005

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Stupid Tuesday

Posted on March 22, 2011 by judisunshine

I hate Tuesdays. There is no redeeming quality to them. At least on Monday, you are still kind of going on weekend momentum, and have theoretically gotten a couple extra hours of sleep. Plus, you know. The communal Monday bemoaning. All day long, like it or not, you spend time exchanging “It’s Monday” shrugs and weary smiles in the bathroom with people you don’t know. No one expects you to be happy on a Monday. That day lives in infamy.

And every other day has its own special something. Wednesday is Hump Day. And on Thursday, you can be like, “Well, tomorrow’s Friday.” You can even go to the bar on Thursday without feeling like you’re signing your own death warrant. And Fridays obviously rule. Even if you do go out on Thursday, making Friday more difficult to endure, you can get a greasy breakfast, because, hey! It’s Friday! You’ve been good all week; it’s time to treat yourself! And treat your hangover!

All of this may sound like I wish the weeks away, and by extension, my life. I get that. And I’ve tried to snap myself out of it, and be all, “Oh, yay, four whole days left in this beautiful week, la la la!” But I just can’t do it. I’m SORRY.

Maybe I resent Tuesdays so much now not only for the aforementioned reasons, but because there is a gaping hole where “Buffy” used to be. I used to get excited for Tuesdays, because every week at 8:00, I got to sit down with the best show ever. I looked forward to it all week. When the previews for the next episode would come on, I’d think, “How can I ever wait till next Tuesday?”

But now it’s over, so there is no guarantee to take the edge off of my most hated day. So I’m cranky and bitter and sad. And also, I had to go to a meeting today about how AWESOME! my company is doing, although it would be nice to see some of that awesomeness reflected in my paycheck so I didn’t have to go part-time job hunting this (Tuesday) evening.

Oh well. At least tomorrow’s Hump Day. And “Survivor” is on!

© March 24, 2005

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When Television And Music Join Forces

Posted on March 21, 2011 by judisunshine

I did not mention television once yesterday! Not once! Time to make up for that, as today I would like to discuss some synergistic musical television moments. Those times when no matter how good a scene is, it turns magical when paired with just the right song. Likewise, sometimes a song by itself ranges from good to awesome, but becomes unforgettable when used on a show in just the right way. Here are some of those times, in my humble opinion (™Patty and Angela Chase):

1. “Full of Grace” by Sarah Mclachlan in “Becoming, Part II” (“Buffy”)

This one is classic. Almost any “Buffy” fan will agree on that! Following up genius Christophe Beck must have been tough, but “Full of Grace” is perfect. That beat, that tiny beat after “Close Your Eyes” ends, right before the opening strains of “Full of Grace” — it’s this perfect moment of stillness between the horror Buffy’s been through and the crushing depression to follow.

2. “Hallelujah” by Jeff Buckley in “The Model Home” (“The O.C.”)

I’d fallen in love with this song before I ever watched “The O.C.,” and didn’t think it could make me feel any more than it already did. But “The O.C.” music people are pretty unfailingly awesome. I thought that in the first several episodes, the Ryan/Marissa relationship was very compelling, that you got a sense of two seemingly very different people drawn together by a desperate loneliness that they kept hidden from everyone but each other. And in this scene, with the empty house, the fire, the frustration and the sadness, “Hallelujah” is the perfect song — haunting and complex, and the line, “It’s a cold and its a broken Hallelujah,” says it all.

3. “Harder Now That It’s Over” by Ryan Adams in “The Storm” (“Felicity”)

Oh my word! This scene is so hard to watch. Keri Russell’s such a phenomenal actress, and this episode is absolutely heartwrenching. Her letter pleading with Ben to look beyond the surface — beyond the useless words, to what they have together that goes so much deeper — makes me cry every single time. And “Harder Now That It’s Over” is lovely without intruding on the voiceover and the montage (yay!) of bittersweet Ben and Felicity moments. Aww.

4. “Return To Innocence” by Enigma in “The Zit” (“My So-Called Life”)

I love the way this show can take something so trivial as a pimple and use it as a catalyst to bring healing to Angela’s relationships with both Sharon and her mother. And I always loved this song, because it kind of makes me feel like I’m flying. It’s so perfect for this moment, where Angela watches Sharon and her mom, and Danielle and Patty walk down the runway in the fashion show. I think it really captures that fleeting period of time as a teenage girl, where your relationship with your mother is so confusing, because you keep clashing since you’re growing up and think you know everything, but you’re also still a girl who wants her mommy. It’s like in this moment, Angela sort of realizes that no matter what a person’s age, she wants to feel special and beautiful, and the more we can all help each other and ourselves feel that way, the happier we’ll be.

5. “My Lover’s Prayer” by Otis Redding in “From Where To Eternity”
(“The Sopranos”)

Another show that does a GREAT job with its music. Otis Redding’s voice is so plaintive and wonderful. And maybe it’s just my own interpretation, but I think his hopeful words in “My Lover’s Prayer” belie a resignation to a sadder fate. Kind of like most of the characters on “The Sopranos.” This episode makes you think that maybe Christopher’s going to turn his life around as he has his otherworldly experience, but attempts at positive life changes never really work out too well for the people on this show. “My life is such a weary thing,” indeed.

© March 23, 2005

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Thoughts In My Head On The Drive To Work This Morning

Posted on March 18, 2011 by judisunshine

1. It’s really nice out. I wish I didn’t have to go to work.

2. Although, if I didn’t have work, there’s no way I’d be awake.

3. And even if I was, who am I kidding? I’m never motivated to go outside just because it’s nice.

4. I think I’m gonna be late for work.

5. Paris Hilton has a song??? What is wrong with this world???

6. “Screwed”?

7. Okay, this song sucks even worse than I would expect.

8. This is REALLY REALLY bad.

9. So wait, what is this about? How is it that she knows what his type is, and what he needs, but she has to get his number? Wouldn’t she already have it?

10. Why do I care?

11. Oh my God, they’re gonna play this in clubs, aren’t they? And people are going to be around me, dancing and singing thinking they’re all “sexy” like Paris, and I’m going to hate them based on that alone.

12. I think this is even worse than “Rumors.”

13. How did she go from being brunette to blonde again in like, a week?

14. This song makes no sense.

15. At least all the callers hate it too. It restores my faith in humanity a tiny bit.

16. Wow, a lot of Long Island women really sound like they’re holding their noses while they talk.

17. No, it would NOT be okay to dance to in a club, Caller! What did I JUST say?

18. Yeah, I’m definitely gonna be late. Oh well.

19. Maybe I’ll do that detox diet from the book in the bathroom. It must work. You have to eat millet porridge.

20. But I really enjoy my toxins.

21. Maybe I will keep my toxins, and just eat the millet. Then I get to go to the health food store!

22. Health food stores smell really gross.

23. Why do some people wear those furry boots and look really cute, but some look like they’re on their way to shovel snow?

24. Oh wow, I might not be late!

25. If this LADY stops proving some kind of POINT by refusing to go at a REASONABLE LEFT LANE SPEED!

27. Oh, she’s eating her breakfast. Carry on, Lady. Sorry for being so rude to you in my mind! Enjoy your egg sandwich!

28. When guys, like rocker guys, have shaggy, devil-may-care hair, it’s all ruined when they are so “here is my hair” about it.

29. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING???

30. Why is 102.3 playing this? Is this Muddy Waters?

31. I think it’s Led Zeppelin.

32. Weird.

33. Oh my God, I think I’m really gonna be on time!

34. This song is blowing my mind and it’s not even 8:30 yet.

35. GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!!!!

36. I can’t believe I smoked 12 Marlboro Reds last night and lived to tell the tale.

37. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?????????

38. Is it too early in the morning to eat a cheeseburger?

39. I think I’m on time because everyone got drunk last night and stayed home from work today. Thanks, Drunk People!

© March 18, 2005

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Ponderings

Posted on March 17, 2011 by judisunshine

– My Zone bar tasted REALLY good this morning. Why? Why this morning? Don’t get me wrong, I think the Zone bars are pretty tasty, but this morning it was extra good.

– Why can’t I get “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” out of my head???

– What kind of brilliantly bizarre mind thinks to compare the relative merits of Catherine Zeta-Jones and bagels?

– Why can’t people read Snopes before they send me forwards? WHY?

– Who decided that green was the It Color of 2005? What does that mean? Why is this? It’s all very annoying.

– Why must women pee all over the toilet seats? This really pisses me off, har har. No, but seriously. It’s like, first of all, if you really have such a delicate heiny (TM Suzy from Calvin And Hobbes) that you just can’t deign to share a toilet with others, fine. Use one of those seat covers, or spread some paper on the seat, or, if you really must, squat. That’s your business. But when your business becomes my business, then we have a problem; i.e., do NOT leave droplets all over the seat, and do NOT leave toilet paper there either!!! Really, if you’re such a fancy lady that you can’t sit on a toilet seat, please be fancy enough to not leave it more disgusting than when you entered the stall. Thanks.

– What could it possibly mean that Annette Bening is randomly in my dream the night before I watch “The Sopranos” ep where she is randomly in Tony’s dream? This worries me a bit.

– Why do people claiming to be cereal aficionados destroy their credibility by saying “Captain Crunch?” It’s Cap’n!

– Why doesn’t the radio play Rilo Kiley?

– What is the point of washing my shirt if it is still going to have cat hair and random crumbs all over it?

– Why do toy companies re-create toys from my youth, only to make them suck? I can think of two examples offhand: Hungry Hungry Hippos, which have apparently developed some sort of eating disorder, and the Fisher Price Little People, which are now pretty darn big.

– Why didn’t I get another coffee from Coffee Cart Man when I had the chance???

© March 21, 2005

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