You Know You Grew Up In The ’80s If: The Deluxe Edition, Now With Commentary!

1. You’ve ever ended a sentence with the word SIKE.
Yeah, okay, when did that become the spelling of it? I used to make fun of Krysi for writing it that way. But yeah, I did say it a few times…but in my head it was “Psych!”

2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
No. I loved Pound Puppies, but thought their show looked dumb.

3. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do the Carlton.
Wasn’t that the ’90s? Anyway, not really. But I do like the bit of trivia that Carlton was just doing the Courtney Cox “Dancing in the Dark” dance, only spazzier!

4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.
This, unfortunately, is back again. I’m sorry, I had nothing to do with it.

5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.
Ohhhhhhhhh I LOVED The Baby-Sitters Club SO MUCH!!!!!! And yes, I desperately wished I was Stacey, diabetes and all. I’m not kidding. I didn’t try to start the club though, because all my friends were scattered over the Island. You can bet I WOULD have, though!

6. You owned those lil’ Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
No 😦 My parents never bought them for me, and I always wanted them. I can still smell her hair!

7. You know that “WOAH” comes from Joey on “Blossom.”
Yeah. What a weird time for sex symbols.

8. Two words: Hammer Pants
I’m not gonna lie. I LOVED those pants. They were so comfortable! And made you look extra cool when you did the Running Man. (But again, wasn’t this ’90s)

9. If you ever watched “Fraggle Rock”
Well, sure.

10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars… and spokey-dokes or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect.
“Spokey-dokes”? WTF? Anyway, I liked streamers, but never had them, but the cards I never did, but I did one time catch my bare foot in the spokes while I was riding on the back of Kelly’s bicycle. That was…painful. And disgusting.

11. You can sing the entire theme song to “Duck Tales” (Woo ooh!)
No, that was after I discovered…I don’t know what I discovered, but I stopped watching cartoons all of a sudden. Maybe this was when I spent every day singing along to “Kids, Incorporated” tapes.

12. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
Oh, absolutely!!! Although, much as I love them, “Smurfs” went on FOREVER, no? My favorite lineup was “Smurfs,” “Punky Brewster” (the cartoon), and “Alvin and the Chipmunks.” When they sang, “It’s been awhile, but we’re back with style,” it was like, “Yes, it HAS been awhile — welcome back, Chipmunks!”

13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
I sure did!

14. You saw the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the big screen..and still know the turtles’ names.
I know their names, yes, but did not see that movie. I’M SORRY.

15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
What? What! What is that.

16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
FIRST of all. I never “made” my mom buy me anything. But yes, I did tie some shirts to the side, this one particularly snazzy matching tie-dyed ensemble, to be exact, but the clips were for amateurs, okay? I just needed my hands. (Owwwww!)

17. You played the game “MASH”(Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House).
Yes, but…”shelter”? No. “S” stood for Shack. My favorite ones were where I got a really hot guy and a hot car, but lived in a shack. That seemed very badass to me.

18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
I was around for “stonewashed = cool,” and I was around for “Jordache = cool,” but Jordache was not cool when stonewashed was cool. It was like…L.A. Gear, or uhhh…WAIT, what was it? Ellesse, but that was sneakers…screw it. But not Jordache. But I did have a stonewashed jacket that I stonewashed myself, AND I wrote all over it — who I loved, which bands were the best (New Kids). All that. It was awesome. And Shannon had a stonewashed denim jacket that she put mime pins all over.

19. L.A. Gear….need I say more?
Yes, you could mention if they made jackets. But, wait, hold up. Did Gear bags come from L.A. Gear??? Because that would make SO much sense! But no one EVER remembers Gear bags except for me — do YOU???

20. You wanted to change your name to “JEM” in Kindergarten. (She’s Truly Outrageous.)
Hahahaha. “Kindergarten.”

21. You remember reading Tales of a fourth grade nothing and all The Ramona books.
What’s with the random capitalization, List? And yes! Yay! Judy Blume ruled of course, but Beverly Cleary is the WOMAN, and the Ramona books kicked ASS. They still do. Seriously, you want a nice night? Read a Ramona book!

22. You know the profound meaning of “WAX ON, WAX OFF”
Indeed. RIP Mr. Miyagi awwww.

23. You wanted to be a Goonie.

24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us…head-to-toe)
Yes! That was The Big Goal of 1985 — to collect all four sets neon anklets. I mean anklets the socks, not the jewelry. And they went much like candy flavors. The yellow and green were easiest to acquire. Then the orange. Finally the pink. But the REAL treasure, the way you could really prove you were “in style,” was to have the BLUE neon socks. Those were a rare commodity. Then, fluorescent was resurrected in 1989, and this time, I got to combine my newfound fashion courage with some AMAZING neon stockings, that totally matched my big t-shirts, and were worn with bicycle shorts. So hot.

25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.
Aww, that is mean.

26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
Please, not this again.

27. You took lunch boxes to school…and traded Garbage Pailkids in the schoolyard.
OH YEAH! Lunchboxes RULED! And not the pussy bullshit kids have now, but the hardcore metal ones that you could totally hurt someone with, and would rust, and the thermoses that held one ounce of apple juice that would then smell like apple juice forevermore and either way you’d be pissed that your mom wouldn’t spring for a juicebox.

As for Garbage Pail Kids — I loved them. Once, I bought an entire box of series two, JUST to get Live Mike. I’m not kidding. He was terribly elusive, and it was driving me to MADNESS. Joltin’ Joe was absolutely NO problem, but Live Mike…so I spent like 25 dollars to get a whole box just for the one effing card. I can still taste the hard, powdery gum.

28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
The craze, yes. I was never anywhere they were banned, I don’t think.

29. You still get the urge to say “NOT” after every sentence.
NO I sure do not. Heh. No, but really, I always thought that was incredibly obnoxious.

30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.
Wait, what was that? I feel like I do, but I’m not sure.

31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
No. WTF.

32. You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.
No! Weren’t they brother and sister?? Or was that Teela. Either way, He-Man was not into girls, and She-ra was lame. I’m sorry, but she was.

33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
No, see, at South Shore, it was all about the acquisition of bracelets. We’d furiously make them in the back of the room, for ourselves, because whoever had the most was the coolest. It was great when Mr. Emilio was subbing, because he had a glass eye, and there was one area in the room where you could sit and make bracelets the entire period, and he couldn’t tell.

34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.
Yes! Kelly gave me a white pair for my 9th birthday! Then later on, I got a pink pair. There were three main kinds of jellies, you see. The ones with the hard-ish plastic and little holes. Those were cool. Then there were the ones with clear, less hard plastic that were criss-crossed. I liked those too. I did not, however, like the ones with soft plastic that were just like, lines. I hated those.

35. After you saw Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure you kept saying “I know you are, but what am I?”
No, I left that to Smurf. (Hi, Mike!) He basically talked like Pee-Wee Herman about 70% of the time.

36. You remember “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”
Yes. Hey, speaking of which, were those commercials TRYING to be funny? ‘Cause you always like, felt as though you should feel bad laughing at them? But they were awesome.

37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
Absolutely! Ah, man. Roller skating. Some of the best memories ever.

38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
No, dude, I could rock the Slip and Slide. A few cuts and bruises came with the joy.

39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
Yes. That was like, two years ago, though.

40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonald’s.
Did I? McDonald’s? I’m not sure. I did, however, kiss Jeffrey Paradise square on the mouth in the backseat of his mom’s car when I was six years old, and he just finished his birthday party at Burger King. Fast-food birthday parties get me randy, I guess.

41. You’ve gone through this nodding your head in agreement.
I hate these ones, where they think they’re all, “Gotcha!” I mean, WHY ELSE WOULD I BE READING THIS!

42. You remember Popples.
Yes, but I never had one.

43. Don’t worry, be happy.
Uh huh.

44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
Not EIGHT. You can’t do that many pairs of socks with high-tops. It was like, three, max.

45. You wore socks scrunched down (and sometimes still do..getting yelled at by younger hip members of the family).
What? I mean, yes, yes I did, that was part of the cheerleading uniform, but NO not still now!

46. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.
Haha, yes, I did try this. I’m sure I looked VERY cool.

47. You remember watching both Gremlins movies.
Gremlins = <3333333 I saw the first one at a drive-in! It was on a double bill with "Never Say Never Again," a James Bond movie! And I saw the second one with Devon since we refused to see "Days of Thunder" with Shannon on her Big Date.

48. You know what it meant to say “Care Bear Stare!!”
I didn’t watch the cartoon, just LOVED the bears themselves.

49. You remember watching Rainbow Brite and & My Little Pony Tales.
No, same answer as 48.

50. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
Of course Samantha was hot! Doogie — no. Maybe if I’d watched the show more, but my early ’90s celebrity love was reserved entirely for the New Kids, my July ’89 affair with David Faustino notwithstanding.

51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
I loved my Alf shirt.

52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool…and don’t even flinch when people refer to them as “NKOTB.”
I DO flinch at the “NKOTB.” That was a dark time. And they still are cool. Shut up.

53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on “Saved By The Bell,” The ORIGINAL class.
Well, why the HELL would I know the names and life stories of the NEW class?

54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi – SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
I EVEN know the actual title. Geez, List.

55. You just sang those words to yourself.
No.

56. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.
I know that is a basketball reference, but no.

57. You remember when mullets were cool!
Yes, I do :-/

58. You had a mullet!
No! I had feathered bangs, and lots of bad stuff happening with my hair, but not a mullet.

59. You still sing “We are the World.”
Yay!

60. You tight rolled your jeans.
Yeahhhh. Sorry about that.

61. You owned a banana clip.
Yes, but they totally only looked cute when I had a perm.

62. You remember “Where’s the Beef?”
Sure.

63. You used to (and probably still do) say “What you talkin’ ’bout Willis?”
Why, do I look like a douchebag?

64. You had big hair and you knew how to use it.
Haha, I didn’t have BIG hair, just HARD hair. Sometimes crispy. But I never liked BIG, big hair.

65. You’re still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren’t you!
No. I’m also not singing “YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME.” I mean, come on, now.

-September 15, 2006

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2 Responses to You Know You Grew Up In The ’80s If: The Deluxe Edition, Now With Commentary!

  1. Mario Lanza says:

    Joey from Blossom wasn’t in the 80’s. Fail. If you grew up in the 80’s you would know him from Gimme a Break.

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