At 29, I got sort-of stood up; a guy I was talking to on (AGE ALERT!) Myspace and AIM wasn’t feeling well on the night we were supposed to go to dinner.
When we eventually did go out, it was after a frantic day of shopping at…God, I don’t even know. Some Long Island superstore before Walmarts and Targets were ubiquitious, and that wasn’t National Wholesale Liquidators or Caldor.
Despite my best efforts, it was clear he wasn’t attracted to me. And that is fine. I was way overweight, then. Youngish and pretty in the face and hair? Sure! Proportionate, and attractive to some? Yeah!
But not to this guy. And I got upset about it, which was so…not his problem. And is such a distancing spot in my life’s rearview mirror (no offense to him at all!).
If I could go back in time to tell myself one thing and if I could share one piece of advice with in-real-time young ladies, it would be that the person you want to be attracted to you, won’t be, every time. And that’s okay. If you feel bad (like I did) because you know you could change your body, do it! Or not. It’s okay either way ❤
Better yet, do what I did after that date: Slice some avocadoes; whip up some nachos, and binge-watch awesome television, for as long as it takes to remind yourself that it’s really all right to be alone, for now or otherwise.
In 2005, that meant “That 70s Show” and “Fresh Prince of Bel Air.” TV on DVD was scarce; I couldn’t even get a phone signal in my basement apartment, and it just wasn’t our brave new world, so Nick at Nite it was!
I eventually shed most of the aforementioned pounds. And despite how it looked like it was going to go for quite awhile there, my romantic existence has been way less catastrophic in my 30s and (Oo boy) 40s.
Still. Things don’t feel entirely right, and now that I’m entering a decade that will never-not sound “old” to me, there is no choice but to try to find a different angle from which to see. Clearly, even a good relationship is not that dangled carrot.
So to quote Alanis once again, “How ‘bout?” ‘Bout what, I’m not sure, but I’m actually kind of looking forward not to dying, but to becoming an old lady. No one gets out alive, right? I want to enjoy the ride ❤