So basically if my brain is not kept under constant maintenance, bad things happen. Like I buy a leopard-print dress, or decide that today I will learn how to make soap. More often than not, I just get completely stopped up. So now I need to Bail Out! And what better way than to share with you the contents of my pocketbook! More on my pocketbook another day (don’t say I never gave you anything to look forward to), but for now, suffice it to say that it basically is a festival of chaos and wonder — huge, unwieldy, completely disorganized, and with me everywhere I go even though sometimes it’s too heavy and makes my body ache. Much like my brain.

Ready? Let’s go!

The Current Contents of My “Purse”

– Packing tape, the edge of which cut up my finger a few times.

– Perfume/body sprays:
Love’s Baby Soft
Sunflowers
Bath and Body Works Exotic Coconut
Intuition (My dad gives me this every year in my Christmas stocking; I think he used to get it for free from his job.)
Polo Sport for men (sometimes I like boy perfume)
Fizzy by Alyssa Ashley

– Empty bottle of “Boots” brand aspirin and codeine tablets from Mexico that expired in March 2006.

– Baby powder.

– Big orange scissors.

– A hairbrush. Not as filled with hair as usual, as one day I realized, Babz lives in Philadelphia and my mom lives in Colorado and no one else was going to get fed up with me and clean it themselves. But it is filled with black thread, because the lining of the bag had a bad reaction to the cerrated metal on the packing tape dispenser, and is now falling apart internally.

– Into the Wild.

– Flower food.

– Gum.

– Boulder Creek paycheck, the last one standing after the $140’s worth I had got thrown away in the move, along with my passport and possibly my iPod.

– “No Country for Old Men” ticket stub.

– $0.37 stamps.

– Receipt from McBrides, where my drunk-ass self left a 24-dollar tip on a 26-dollar check.

– Chamomile lotion.

– Temporary Spider-Man tattoo.

– $0.20 stamps.

– Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen necklace with a huge wooden heart.

– Dentist bill.

– Doctored-up silver earrings from the day I went to work as Becky in “Sin City.”

– Doans.

– Bracelet from Hogs ‘n Heifers.

– Strawberry 3 Musketeers bar.

– 7,000 Waldbaums receipts because they have Vincent’s coupons on them that not once do I ever remember to use when ordering pizza.

– Pink plastic sword.

– $0.41 stamp.

– Old-fashioned princess doll wearing all pink.

Perhaps one day, everything in my bag will join forces to tell its own story. For now, we have only the mystery of The List, and why I keep toting all this around with me every day 😮