Things I Am Just Not In The Mood For Today

1. Giggling, squealing, and/or baby talk. If I am going to be subjected to coquettish behavior, then Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh had damn well better be involved.

2. Strong arming by my iPod. Seriously, I have 500 songs on it, 30 new ones since last night, so why exactly will it only play Lauryn Hill this morning?

3. Anyone referring to Chris Daughtry as a “rocker.” First of all, no. Second of all, what does that even mean???

4. Bad music. Shut up, Rihanna and your horrible new song.

5. Creepy people who just sit there in the bathroom stall silently, like you walk in to use the facilities, and there is just that person next door, and there is palpable tension in the air, that’s how badly they want you to leave, and you know, fine, I got your back, Mystery Lady, but at least give a little rustle, or a knock on the metal dispenser, or SOMETHING.

6. Multiple sneezers.

7. Anyone talking to me who is not going to be interesting.

8. “Vote for Pedro” shirts. They’re REALLY played out, and weren’t that funny to begin with.

9. People who speak in hushed tones right next to you, like they come over to your cubiclemate and they start whispering, I mean, what is that ABOUT? It makes me feel awkward, like I have to not seem like I’m listening, but meanwhile, take your conversation elsewhere, please.

10. Whining.

(Yes, I see the irony.)

© May 2, 2006

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