Unsolved Mysteries

– Yesterday after the gym, I walked to my car. In the parking lot, which also hosts a number of restaurants and bars, I noticed something peculiar. Next to an SUV, was an uncapped Revlon lipstick. This, in and of itself, was not so mysterious. But the thing is, it had that shininess and perfect shape of an unused, red lipstick, which was swiveled up just the right amount. And right next to it was the cap. It really looked as though someone had laid it there as a message. It killed me to drive away from all this intrigue.

– There has been much in the way of candy resurrection these past several years, as well as a nice effort on the part of candy companies to give us some new choices. HOWEVER. Why has Peanut Butter Snickers failed to come back, yet those stupid Almond Snickers remain? We don’t need Almond Snickers. We already have Mars Bars, which are way better. But we DO need Peanut Butter Snickers!!! They are awesome! Twix had the presence of mind to bring back Peanut Butter Twix, so get it together, Snickers!

– The ending of RC Racers in Archie comics. My brother and I were obsessed with these comics, because the whole premise was so bizarre, even for Archie. It was like fanfic. Everyone had these pimped out vehicles to race around in, and it was very intense. But we never found out who won!

– Remember Glintz? You know, by Clairol, with Rebecca Gayheart in the commercials, around the same time she was the Noxzema Girl? Glintz was fairly awesome, but even better was its sister product, Brights, a slightly more dramatic color enhancer for your hair. Anyway, my question regarding Glintz and Brights is twofold: First, where did they go??? They were great, and had very cool marketing. What happened? My second, more pressing question, is why was it “Glintz” but not “Brightz?” Wouldnt that have been more consistent?

– Why did Rachel Griffiths name her son Banjo? Normally I would chalk this up to another celebrity nonsense baby naming, but I refuse to believe that Rachel Griffiths isn’t the coolest person in the world. So there must be a deeper meaning that I dont know about.

– How does one tan the inside of one’s elbows? Right now, I have some halfway decent color, but my arm is like a toasted marshmallow! Golden brown on the outside, ghostly white on the inside. Its quite distressing.

– What the hell is Lindsay Lohan doing??? She’s lost so much weight that she doesn’t even look like herself anymore. I just don’t get it. I know, Hollywood pressure, blah blah blah, but wasnt one of her appeals that she was curvy and had boobs? Not just that she wasn’t thin (which she still was), but that she was a bombshell! So why is she all diminished now? Where did she go?

– Why is “Survivor” not accepting applications at this time? Mark Burnett, give me a chance! PLEASE!

© May 11, 2005

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