“Heroes” Season 3, Episode 5: Angels and Monsters Slam Book Awards!

Most Disappointing Award


Noah, you and I are in a big fight right now. First of all, you’re not a good liar. At least if you’re going to manipulate people, can’t you lie a little better? It’s insulting. And seriously, way to totally ruin Claire. Sylar was right when he said you don’t see her humanity. You treat Claire like a possession, which you could write off as “fatherly concern,” but you totally used her. And don’t EVEN get me started on how you tried to kill Sylar. No way do you try to do that and not feel my wrath. Go. I can’t even look at you.

Killer Klowns Sendoff Award


Hey yeah, sorry about your getting all strung up in a cocoon or whatever that is. But like, you’ve really got to stop being so dumb. I don’t think you’re dead, are you? If you’re not, that’s nice, but I am not letting you out of that cocoon until you read The Gift of Fear, front to back, at least twice. But no offense, if you are going to come back either as alive after all, or from the dead, you are going to have to be more interesting.

Most Creepy Award


The Puppetmaster

Creepy, creepy, creepy, creepy. That is all I have to say to YOU.

“I Am Not a Killer” Award

Vortex Guy

Dude! Are you dead? It’s really so hard to tell on this show. I hope you’re not! You’re awesome! Thank you for giving Claire the smackdown she’s needed since forever. You were all, “Give me that gun, young child, and listen to someone else’s problems for a change!” and it was fantastic. Your scene together was great, which I appreciated since Claire’s been pissing me off lately. Then — then — you refuse to kill Sylar, and even sacrificed yourself! So although just about everyone in this episode said s/he wasn’t a killer? You walked the walk. Sorry about your family, man, that’s sad. Hope to see you again soon.

Most Improved Award


You’re still acting like a jackass, but you make a pretty cool villain. Also, thanks for getting Maya to be quiet.

From Mountain to Mustard Seed Award

Natey Pictures, Images and Photos


Nathan. Buddy. I was so all about your character. You got the Best Christian Superhero Award for a reason the other week, and that reason is that you were being awesome! But it’s like, dude. You can fly. You believe you had an encounter with God. Now all at once, you lose all of that faith? I hate to say it, but I kind of wish you’d listened to Linderman/Parkman’s dad! What does it matter how you got your powers on the physical level? I mean, I get that you feel betrayed by your mom, but that doesn’t mean you should throw the baby out with the bathwater. Humans may have given you the injections. That does not necessarily negate God’s higher purpose for you. Just keep an open mind, for crying out loud. Pity parties do the people on this show no good.

Symbolic Imagery Award

Sylar’s Apple

Very clever there, with the apple eating and ambiguity, I mean, is this about biting the apple in the Garden of Eden? Or about the apple not falling far from the tree? Or maybe it could even represent the apple that Sylar should have brought to his “teacher” Noah, only to eat it himself — foreshadowing! Time will tell. Maybe.

Comedic Genius Award

Adam Monroe Pictures, Images and Photos
Adam Monroe

I like you. You remind me of Spike from “Buffy.” Glad to see you up and about, with a newfound sense of whimsy.

Thanks for the Logic Award


It’s about time someone tried testing whether or not Linderman was real! Thank you for stepping up to the plate.

I Empathize with Your Dream Paralysis Award

Angela Petrelli Pictures, Images and Photos
Angela Petrelli

Look, whatever differences we were having last week, I am so sorry about your not being able to move now. No one should have to go through that. Let’s have coffee soon; we’ll work this all out. I’m not mad at you anymore.

Most Fucking Awesome Award

Sylar — 3 weeks in a row!

From the beginning of the episode, you rocked. Peter’s all worried about being “you,” but I think he should be more worried about being “him.” You saved your mom! And then even made sure Peter was okay! And finally someone calls out Noah on being a big ol’ USER. Which he is. You are the man; he is the monster; this I believe. But nothing’s cut and dry in this world, so keep being awesome, watch your back, and buy some kind of harness for Peter.

Recipient of



Micah and Monica

Seriously. WTF.


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