1. Find out credit card payment went through.
2. Drive to Target, proud of my ability to multi-task at lunch.
3. Plan in head purchase of beautiful clothing and Healthy Choice® frozen dinner.
4. Pack wisely, taking only keys and credit card.
5. Get once again distracted by amusement park next door, make big plans to ride roller coaster on lunch break soon.
6. Walk in store, get sidetracked by even more beautiful bikinis than last time.
7. Feel the tops, all pads, no elastic, get sad, move on.
8. Realize fashion has taken a 2005 turn; everything ugly again.
9. Find consolation prize in cute polo, red tee, cool green thermal, and avant garde dresses.
10. Realize what a perfect dress for a picnic one would be.
11. Lament loss of picnic backpack to thieving ex.
12. Rise above bitterness, and in moral victory, make unprecedented journey to fitting room.
13. Wonder if anyone ever looks hot in fitting room besides Victoria’s Secret’s.
14. Hate red tee; screw MSCL lesson about wearing red to attract men.
15. Hate inexplicably tight polo.
16. Hate light thermal in weird puke green.
17. Get pissed at gaps between buttons in Fantasy Picnic Dress.
18. Realize doesn’t matter, look like Joan Allen in “Pleasantville” anyway.
19. Try on last-hope dress.
20. Mentally rage at society that current fashion looks like muumuus.
21. Leave in indignant huff, pick out lunch.
22. Realize am sans money.
23. Go back to fitting room, tell clerks I lost wallet.
24. Clerks sympathize, send me to Help Desk.
25. Help Desk filled with scrunchied parents screaming at kids and yelling at clerks.
26. Retreat in terror and disgust.
27. Tell fitting room friends oops I just had my credit card, not wallet.
28. Go to car to make sure, scrape for change.
29. Look more for credit card, to no avail.
30. Cancel credit card.
31. Buy Lean Pockets for second day in row, using quarters.
32. Leave, filled with defeat.
33. Get back late, no time to eat Lean Pockets.