1. Lie in bed half awake for an hour, despite having gone to bed at 2 in the morning.
2. Reluctantly leave bed at 7:30.
3. Wander around, say good morning to cats.
4. Trip over clogs.
5. Give props to cats for working out new routine overnight, in which Dr. von Rockenstein meows plaintively, and Chip backs her up by doing manic somersaults and banging into walls.
6. Feed cats Fancy Feast, turn on shower.
7. Glance at cell phone, see that it is actually 6:30.
8. Look at computer clock to make sure that phone is correct, and not plotting against me.
9. Check AIM and Myspace, despite telling myself no more Myspace in the morning before work, get annoyed when site is down.
10. Think, “I could do yoga right now.”
11. Think, “If I start getting ready now, I could wear a skirt to work and do my hair nicely.”
12. Think, “I could get to work early and get my overtime hours in the morning, not have to rush home to watch ‘Gilmore Girls,’ and also look like a responsible employee.”
13. Go back to bed.
14. Drag self out of bed at 7:37 after briefly wondering if maybe it’s an hour earlier like before.
15. Feel proud of self for matching up volumizing shampoo with volumizing conditioner, take shower.
16. Wonder why I never think to tie bathrobe sash before Chip uses it as rope ladder.
17. See that cats have eaten all of their food, glare at Fancy Feast cans and wonder what kind of cat crack they put in it.
18. Give cats more Fancy Feast, admire the silver sardine chunks, point them out to cats.
19. Get dissed by Dr. von Rockenstein when she gives me a “Whatever” look, get dissed further by Chip, who sniffs the food, then runs away to bang into more walls.
20. Notice that it’s only 8, enter my “time will now stand still” portion of the morning.
21. Go into bedroom, consider wearing skirt, look for stockings.
22. Give up, wear jeans.
23. Straighten up living room.
24. Blowdry hair, scare cats with noise.
25. Remove cell phone from charger, notice it’s 8:18, stare at phone, aghast.
26. Heat up piece of chicken.
27. Open door, realize it’s raining.
28. Go look for umbrella.
29. Give up, leave.
30. Do makeup in car while eating chicken and making up fun new route to work.
31. Get lost.
32. Fume at truck driver in front of me for driving like drunk old lady.
33. Vow to go to bed at 9, get up at 6:30 tomorrow for real.
34. Debate odds of this happening while sitting in parking lot, get lost in reverie.
35. Marvel that I’m only sixteen minutes late, trip on carpet, begin day.
© November 15, 2005