1. I think I have an ulcer. An ULCER! One way or another, my stomach was in awful knots yesterday, twisting and turning to the point where I was afraid to go to sleep in case my appendix burst in the night. It was an extended symphony of pain, featuring panic attacks over my inability to relax.

2. And because of this, I got no sleep. None whatsoever.

3. And because of THAT, I don’t know how I’ll be able to exercise tonight.

4. And my stomach still hurts.

5. And I can’t drink any coffee.

6. And I can’t smoke any cigarettes, either.

7. And now I have to go to the gastroenterologist. Dont even get me started on that nightmare.

8. Okay, get this. We play Lucky Bucks here at my job. And the lady who runs Lucky Bucks? Has won four times. Possibly five. And her husband, who also works here? Has won at least twice. Does anyone else not see something sketchy about this? This is all within the last several months. But seriously. Maybe they are just that lucky, but if you were in that position, wouldn’t you maybe STOP RUNNING LUCKY BUCKS? Because otherwise, everyone will hate you, regardless. Mad, mad shady.

9. “They’re saying there is a chance of frost.” Someone in the cubicle next to me just reported this, so of course it needed to go immediately on the list.

10. Mothers Day is this weekend. Since when?? It always coincides with the “Survivor” finale. Except this year. Now everything’s thrown off.

11. Voice-activated menus. I HATE THESE. Why do they exist? The push-button ones are annoying enough, but at least they basically work. Voice menus are awful. They are annoying to you and everyone around you. Because the annoying operator lady never hears you right, and you get pissed, the people around you get pissed, it’s all very tedious, and you end up slamming down the phone and/or just getting transferred to an operator who asks you the same questions you just took 15 minutes to answer anyway.

12. There is no work to do, so the day is dragging even more than I expected.

13. Not to mention no Babz OR Shannon today.

14. And Frank is supposed to be entertaining me with emails, but he keeps disappearing from his desk or something.

15. Ads with feet. I dont get these at ALL. Yet there they are, all the time…haunting me. Why do so many advertisers think I want to see some stranger’s FEET staring at me? Because I don’t. So, please, advertisers. Feet on dashboards don’t make me think of vacation; they make me think of feet. Feet by a poolside dont make me feel like Im enjoying a day in the sun; they make me feel like I’m looking at feet. RANDOM FEET! No more, please.

© May 2, 2005