Many times, I am asked about my gender status on Facebook. “Judith Posch commented on his status.” “Judith Posch commented on his photo.”
SPOILER ALERT! I do not have a penis (that I know of). And I did not check the wrong Facebook box because I am blonde.
It all started in 2009, you see. As many people here know, I was very “Get off my lawn!” about Facebook. This newfangled social network had no idea what it meant to walk 10 miles to Myspace in the snow. Despite my Internet obsession, I was one of the later holdouts to Facebook, so when I finally caved, the shame filled me with self deprecation.
But as with Avril Lavigne and most of life, the things I initially resist are the things I dork out most to, and Facebook was no exception. Particularly in 2009, fun things were going on. Gary Busey Day, Amy Winehouse (RIP) Day…
…And April Fools Day was no exception. I decided to become Carlos the basketball player.
From my understanding, this guy is like, a real-life athlete? I’ve heard? Didn’t know at the time. My sports knowledge = this, + recognition of Lebron James’s being awesome for the Miami Heat, plus, Tim Tebow!
But I named him Carlos in honor of James Franco’s DiSario in “Discos and Dragons.”
(Possible spoiler because it’s the series finale, but 1) It’s possibly my favorite scene in possibly my favorite storyline, within one of the greatest shows of all time and 2) This shouldn’t be a spoiler to anyone! If you haven’t seen it, buy it! Netflix it! Watch it on Teen Nick if it’s still there; I don’t know; I don’t have cable anymore! But watch it! Also, 3) IMO, James Franco deserves every bit of his fame, and then some. Dude is way talented. All the actors on this show are.)
So that’s the origin of my life as a man! It didn’t end there, however. At first, I didn’t change it back because I am me. If Flaky Procrastinator is a superhero, hand me the cape.
But then I left it because I can be easily amused, especially considering that people kept asking me about it.
Finally, I believe at least a year and a half later, I grew weary of repeating my FAQ. First world problems and all. So I switched back to being a female.
And, oh man. The ads. THE ADS! Now it is no secret that I have no desire to be a traditional woman, but TM George Costanza, we’re living in a society here, and as an English major, the last bastion of the previous economy for people like me was marketing, so I can’t be a total hater.
That said. I don’t even have my aging-Gen-Xer year of birth on here, but Facebook knew. Or you know what, maybe it didn’t, because I’ve been fed this bullshit since I was a tween! Before tween was even a word!
That jewelry > healthy relationships, and that I should fear the reaper and fight him with wrinkle cream. Oh and btw, not married? THERE IS STILL TIME! To fill your empty heart and withered womb!
Yeah, so I switched back to being a male. And a male I shall remain, so long as “He went to Jared’s” is a tag line.