Melrose Place, The Recaps! S1, Ep6: Second Chance

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Melrose Place at night! Everyone from the complex is playing poker at Allison and Billy’s place. That’s really cool that they’re doing that, but I feel like they could maybe have carried another table a few feet because everyone is squeezed around it like a table version of a clown car, but upon further investigation, it might be an actual poker table.

Everyone is drinking Coors Original from the bottle. Was this when it was still only a West Coast thing? If so, that is a pretty cool touch as far as product placement goes. Although having just suffered through Jane and Michael calling each other “Mom” and “Dad” at the end of the last episode due to Jane’s pregnancy, I must question why Jane appears to have a beer, as well.

Rhonda’s water-only sobriety is not helping her win, as she begs them to take an IOU or when that doesn’t work, tickets to go see a “very hip” dance troupe. The uncultured buffoons all scoff at that, but eventually allow it.

Allison pushes all her chips in the middle, but as Lauren Graham is not available for proclamations of love, says “I am going for broke” instead of “I’m all in.” Unless you don’t say that in this version of poker. Bryan, if you’re reading, let me know plz!

Billy teases Allison about her poker face, until Allison makes me LOL with her disproportionate reaction as she spits: “Will you just shut UP, Billy?!” Weird music tinkles in the background as she and Jake eye each other until Jake folds. As luck and comedy would have it, both Jake AND Allison had been bluffing, and both had crappy hands! Allison applauds her own victory.

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Then goes on to say that in college, she was the “cram queen.” Heh. She is actually talking about working well under pressure and never studying for tests until the night before. Everyone literally leaves to get away from her braggadocio, but she has to out-dick herself by giving Rhonda back the tickets, saying, “Oh come on. What am I gonna do with these?” I’m kind of glad that no one bothered to bring his/her glasses and bottles to the sink. 

Daytime. Rhonda interrupts Matt while he’s swimming (DRINK!), wearing possibly her most epic workout clothes yet. What isn’t going on with this outfit? Fringe? Check. Plaid? Check. Fishnet? Tube socks? High tops? Mismatched sleeves on a hoodie? Checks to all!

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Rhonda begs Matt to come with her to see that dance troupe because her friend Theresa is performing in it, as it turns out. Matt is all, “Dance puts me to sleep.” Rhonda says she needs him, and Matt is like, “FINE.”

Allison drinks coffee at her and Billy’s awesome kitchen table in her likewise-awesome lavender director’s chair. She’s wearing an extremely flattering, simple rust-colored blouse with no shoulder pads and a straight black skirt with a big-buckled belt. Oh, Early ‘90s: such a bipolar time for women’s fashion. Anyway, it’s Jake at the door, who with arms crossed the entire time, invites Allison to his place later for “a proposition.” As he leaves, sex music starts to play as Billy shows up to the door post-shower, while buttoning up his shirt (SIP!) and asks if Jake wanted his money back. Allison says “Something like that,” and follows Jake with her eyes.

Dance recital. Rhonda’s friend is the lead, and Rhonda is envious of Theresa’s “perfect body,” as IF hers isn’t. Matt enjoys the show much to his surprise, says that Theresa is fantastic, and asks why Rhonda’s kept her such a secret. Rhonda looks concerned.

Melrose Place. Allison is wearing her second blue sweatshirt in as many nights, but this time it’s a pale v-neck that she’s paired with really short denim shorts as she lusts after Jake, who is pacing around and talking about how he didn’t grow up in the most loving and supportive environment. Allison responds, “Who did?” I get that they’re bonding and Allison’s empathizing, but that is a weird response. Jake goes on to talk about how his mom married a drunk named Hank and when it came down to choosing between Jake or Hank to live in their trailer, she chose Hank. Then out of nowhere, this hilarious music starts playing in the background to make us get sad, but it sounds even more like “The Brady Bunch” than the Mexican restaurant in the last episode.

This story is all Jake’s way of saying that because of his troubled youth, he never graduated high school and is taking the GED soon. He wants Allison to help him study. Poor Allison, getting all sexed up in her fancy sweatshirt for nothing. Jake explains that for the first time in his life, he feels like he has a future. “I don’t know what it is yet,” he says, and Allison responds that she doesn’t know what her future is, either. Okay, but this is about Jake; focus please, Allison!

Dance recital curtain call. Everyone bows while the audience cheers. The female dancers are all wearing my bathing suit from 1996. The men are shirtless, which is perhaps why Billy was putting on a shirt before despite being in the doorway, lest things go into sultry overdrive.

Matt asks Rhonda if she wants to go backstage and despite forcing Matt to go with her because of Theresa in the first place, Rhonda acts weird until finally agreeing. Backstage, Theresa flirts with Matt and Rhonda tries to cockblock, but ends up agreeing to take Theresa out on the town…

…to Shooters! Matt, Rhonda, and Theresa sit at a table. Theresa delivers about seven lines of dialogue while holding a slice of cucumber in her hand, and we learn along with Matt that Rhonda did not return Theresa’s call about auditioning in LA for her dance company. Theresa delivers all her lines like she is trying to hypnotize everyone, including her own self. She belittles Rhonda’s cardio funk class, but Rhonda’s answer is still no.

Jake and Allison sit on the floor and study around a table. I like sitting on floors myself, but MAN, does the couch behind Jake look super comfy.

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Thank you, “Melrose Place,” for allowing Allison to read aloud not only the entire math word problem, but also every single multiple-choice answer. Jake says he’s fried, but Allison does not accept that. She gets up to make another pot of coffee and says, “The only way to cram is to cram.” Jake gets the answer correct!

Matt and Rhonda return to Melrose Place, as Matt tries to get Rhonda to audition for the dance troupe. Rhonda says it’s too late; once you’re over 21, they put you out to pasture. Matt hilariously amps up the Shakespearean-esque drama and goes, “Don’t you believe in FATE, Rhonda!”

Morning. Billy shows up at Jane and Michael’s to ask if they’ve seen Allison, because she didn’t come home last night. Michael suggests that she met a guy at Shooters and went home with him and Billy’s like, never in a million years! Rhonda comes by and agrees that Allison probably had a one-night stand.

Sandy comes out and tells Billy to grow up; Allison’s a grown woman. But Billy and Jane head inside to call 911 (?!?!), until Allison steps out of Jake’s place in last night’s clothes :o Everyone is scandalized, until Allison says it’s not what they think. Then she thinks better of it and says that it’s nobody’s business. I kind of have never liked her more, as she saunters away and Sandy gets mad as per usz that Jake’s (apparently) sleeping with women besides her, despite his once again showing no interest in Sandy.

For a change of pace, this time it is Billy walking into the kitchen and judging Allison, who is taking aspirin on an empty stomach. She tells Billy that she and Jake just talked, and they exhibit what is supposed to be sexual tension, but I’ve gotta say that even though everyone is making incorrect assumptions, and even though back in real time, my crush was on Billy, I always thought that Jake and Allison had awesome chemistry and worked well together. So I sort of wish that they were hooking up, even though I’m happy for Jake that he’s feeling hopeful about his GED.

Rhonda’s cardio funk studio, which is empty as Rhonda stretches and Theresa walks in. Rhonda says she’s decided to audition after all. Theresa rudely calls Rhonda’s classes a waste of her time, but then Rhonda just as rudely tells Theresa that her group was lacking funk and fun, so she came up with something better for her audition. Now, I agree with Rhonda and think she has a naturally charismatic style, which is one reason I don’t like Theresa’s dismissing her classes. But still, insulting the choreography of a group you haven’t even gotten into yet, Rhonda? There is some endless back and forth, then a montage of them dancing it out. All is well until Theresa says that Rhonda shouldn’t eat pasta for dinner and leaves for rehearsal. Sexy music plays as Rhonda looks thoughtful.

Shooters in the daytime. Sandy is working, natch, as Billy walks in, sits at the bar, doesn’t order anything, and just whines about Allison and Jake while Sandy rushes around, clearly busy. I think that Sandy should start jumping in Billy’s cab and yammering in his ear the next time he works. Then not pay.

Sandy responds that Allison and Jake are total opposites, so it was inevitable. Um. Okay. Then there is this super-bizarre bit where she’s trying to imagine how it happened, and they Magic-Mirror spin back to the night “they all went out,” whenever that was. Allison is wearing a black shirt with a see-through back and boxy-yet-tight ‘90s jeans. She hilariously leans against Jake’s door jamb and says she rented “9 1/2 Weeks,” but her VCR is broken — can she watch it at Jake’s? Jake says sure. Cut to Allison seductively eating a cherry tomato? I thought it was a strawberry at first, but I think it’s a cherry tomato! She leans into Jake, and rather than each nibble at this mystery fruit, they make out with it just kind of rolling around between their tongues.

Back in present-day Shooters, Billy scoffs at Sandy’s theory. We then get Billy’s version of what happened: Jake answers his door, shirtless, and brings Allison into the bedroom, where he points at the ceiling and says that he’s terrified of spiders. A HUGE, hairy spider lurks above. “Oh, Jake,” Allison admonishes him. “They’re harmless and they eat mosquitoes.” Cue the sexy music, as Jake passionately kisses Allison. That was a pretty funny scene. But Sandy’s not buying it, saying that Jake loves spiders, and keeps them as pets. He does? They both lie that they don’t care that Jake and Allison slept together, and Sandy walks away with a tray of beers and mugs that I at no point witnessed her retrieve.

Nighttime at Melrose Place. Jake brings them coffee, while Allison said that all of the subjects that seemed so boring to her in high school are fascinating to her now. But if she’d been interested in them in high school, she never would have even met Marc Harmon! Allison admits that she didn’t fit in and wasn’t popular back in the day, and Jake doesn’t believe it! She said she was just focused on grades, and now regrets not partying more and taking risks. They bond, and even though there is pizza on the floor and they are drinking coffee, Allison seductively eats something with chopsticks. She then brings up the fact that everyone in Melrose Place think that they’re “having an affair.” What a strange choice of words, but even stranger is the tinkling piano music. For all the times they use the sexy stock music, now would be more appropriate than many. Allison continues to send vibes, but Jake changes the subject to algebra and Allison wonders why she EVEN bothered to wear her best pleated beige shorts.

Rhonda and Theresa leave a restaurant while Rhonda talks about the awesome carbonara sauce that Theresa wouldn’t try, and brags about her fast metabolism. Between this and last week’s Fettuccine Incident, I’m imagining a writers’ meeting wherein they try to flesh out Rhonda’s character and add “really likes pasta” to a list of her distinguishing characteristics.

Theresa continues to dig at Rhonda about not eating right for a dancer, and Rhonda’s like, I know what you’re doing. Rather than call Theresa out on projecting her own food insecurities onto Rhonda, she gets bitchy once again about how she would have had Theresa’s spot if she hadn’t sprained her ankle. Theresa is like, not even, and Rhonda responds that they’ll never know, will they? They argue again, some more, about who is jealous of whom.

Morning at Melrose Place. Billy’s made coffee! And suggests that he and Allison spend the day at the beach. She says she has to spend the day with Jake. Billy asks what’s going on and Allison says she wishes she could tell him, but can’t. Billy is very sad.

Rhonda’s class. She yells at Matt for not keeping up. Cut to them walking on the street as she apologizes, and he worries that he pushed her into “this dance thing.” Rhonda says no, she never should have stopped, and she’s better than this. He says it’s not her fault; she got hurt. OR DID SHE? Rhonda leaves Matt alone, without even a juice box.

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Bar that isn’t Shooters. Allison quizzes Jake on the state capitals. I’m more disappointed than I probably should be that Jake doesn’t respond to “Idaho” with “No, you da ho.” Allison is impressed, and rather than Jake’s doing well because he studied, we learn that Blue Collar People Can Learn Too, as he did work in a variety of states. Then he makes a “Northern Exposure” reference, and slams the book shut. He then weirdly sing-songs that if he doesn’t know this stuff now, he never will. He says he has a better idea, and it totally looks like he’s going to swoop over and plant one right on Allison a la the first Ben/Felicity kiss, but that sadly does not happen; he just gets up and tells Allison to come with him. Allison is dressed in what appears to be Gilligan’s Island Chic.

Rhonda works out in her studio, for some reason listening to no music whatsoever, despite having a boom box right there. Matt walks in wearing socks ‘n sandals, saying he’s worried that Rhonda is putting everything on the line for this dance audition.

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Rhonda tells a story about how she and her siblings were always so pressured by their parents to succeed. Rhonda was the only one who didn’t get good grades and go to an Ivy League school, but she was the one with talent. She was going to be the famous dancer. But then she got totally intimidated and skipped the audition! No injury after all! She starts to cry as she says she doesn’t think her father ever forgave her.

I seriously want to do that as a monologue if I ever audition for a play again and see if anyone notices.

Jake rides his motorcycle at night on a winding road. Allison is behind him, and I’m very happy that they are both wearing helmets, though I think her ankles could use better protection. I’m very sensitive to such things since having mine skinned off via bicycle when I was barefoot in 1983. And I know I’m a broken record, but these two have such a natural chemistry! I’m really not sure why they didn’t just make them a couple, at least for a little while. Allison expresses verbal dismay at her choice to accompany Jake on the ride, but she looks like she’s having a lot of fun. I mean, probably not as much fun as if she were wearing shuffling around at home in a bathrobe whilst berating Billy, but fun nonetheless.

Jake and Allison stop at an overlook. Allison says that no one’s ever brought her here before. Jake says that she’s been dating the wrong guys. So we agree! Now kiss! But no, they talk some more and seriously the tension is palpable, which is aided by +night birds chirping, -sexy/“Brady Bunch” music blaring. Allison gets husky voiced and they talk about high school. Allison says, “We would have made some pair.” Jake replies, “We’re not in high school anymore.” And finally at long last, THEY ACTUALLY DO KISS!!! I totally do not remember this and am probably way more excited about it in 2015 than I should be, but that does nothing to deter it either! Jallison 4eva! Or at least until their inevitable demise, since I don’t remember their kissing in the first place!

Allison and Billy’s. Billy exposits that it’s eight in the morning, while Allison is preparing what looks to be an omelet, as she has out eight eggs (in the shell), a relatively big mushroom, two tomatoes, one huge green pepper, an entire bulb of garlic, and a bowl that looks to be holding five eggs (out of the shell).

I have so many questions.

1) Why is she doing this while already dressed up for work in her blue-and-white, men’s-cut striped shirt and navy blue pants? Why doesn’t she at least have an apron on? She is works for a fancy company that is all about image, so I’m not sure why she’d want to risk showing up to greet major clients smelling like garlic and peppers, even if she manages not to get anything on her.

2) Allison has just started chopping the mushroom, which is like the least time consuming vegetable, while all the others sit untouched. And it is eight in the morning. Doesn’t LA have a lot of traffic? What time does she have to be at work?

3) Do people really keep their eggs in a bowl when they’re not hardboiled? I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, just that I’ve never seen it. Surely, she is not cooking a 13-egg omelet. Billy is not a giant lumberjack. 

4) When did Allison start eating nutritious breakfasts?

Allison apologizes to Billy for…something, and says that he’s not just a roommate (like he was worried about before and I forgot to mention); she trusts him more than anyone out here. She lets him in on Jake’s GED studying, and denies that she and Jake are “having an affair.” Why do they keep using that phrase? Billy is relieved, and decides that his sexy fantasy about Allison defending spiders is yet more evidence that he is a writer.

Billy says he was silly to think that she was hooking up with Jake, because they have nothing in common. This prompts Allison to go into a really trippy speech about walls and facades, all while keeping her arms crossed (Jake’s influence?). Bottom line: She got to know Jake better, and she likes him. Back to chopping!

Sandy acts overly invested in Jake’s sex life — DRINK! She apparently eats only frozen food and uses a lot of tissues, because she is carrying two garbage bags with ease in one hand, before Jake takes one from her. Aw, Jake. Sandy says that believe it or not, she wants Jake to be happy, because she cares for him. “(She) really do(es).” He tells her about the GED. She asks why he didn’t come to her for help and says that just because she’s an actress doesn’t mean she’s stupid, “Let’s erase that stereotype right here.” I really don’t think that is the particular stereotype leading anyone to that conclusion, but Jake savvily responds that she would have been a distraction, which makes her melt and they leave Melrose Place together, Jake’s arm around Sandy.

Dance audition. Rhonda stretches with others in the hallway. She and Matt talk about how they’re going to miss each other if she gets this job, as she would be touring. A man in red-striped high tops tells Rhonda she’s up next.

Cut to the stage and Rhonda dancing. The dance double has a completely different hairstyle from Rhonda’s, not to mention a different body type. It is awesome.

Rhonda comes back into the waiting area where Matt is waiting for her and between his forward-facing black cap that covers a vast portion of his head, tan pullover, rushed gait, and hunched shoulders, he looks like someone in a John Grisham movie trying to blend into a crowd instead of a normal person waiting for his friend. Theresa comes out to apologize and they talk about that one audition she didn’t go to, again, some more. So they’re good now, but Rhonda says even if she gets through, she’s not going to take the job, because she likes her life. She hugs Theresa goodbye while covered in sweat, then she and Matt leave.

Jake leaves a school after taking his GED, and tells a waiting Allison that he thinks he aced a test for the first time in his life. Yay Jake! Allison tells him that she doesn’t regret what happened, but they probably should just be friends, because “it’s just one of those things.” WHAT? That is total bullshit and makes no sense! Jake looks disappointed; I’m disappointed. You’re going to have to do better than “It’s just one of those things.” One of WHAT things? As a consolation prize to her vagina, Allison says she’ll buy Jake a beer.

Shooters. Jane, Michael, Billy, Matt, and Rhonda share a plate of French fries. Oh, they’re there to surprise Jake. As Allison lures him in, they all start chanting the graduation march while wearing caps, and give him one of his own. They wrap it up with applause and woos, and Jake says “Let’s party.” Everyone heads to the bar…

…except for Allison and Sandy. Sandy looks so relieved and says she knew there wasn’t anything going on between her and Jake. Allison says, “Of course not. But he is a great kisser.” She waltzes off, and Sandy looks surprised, then sad, then angry! 

~ THE END ~

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Melrose Place, The Recaps! S1, Ep5: Lost and Found

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Poolside party at Melrose Place! Everyone is dancing. Amy Locane is wearing her denim shorts with the butt daisy again. For the most part, people are dressed how you’d expect for a summer party. Jane is rather formal in her Laura Ashleyish sundress, but Billy is the most confusing in his khakis and baggy short-sleeved shirt, especially since he’s usually just wearing a towel. Naturally, the less-clothed people throw Billy into the pool. “This was my last clean shirt!” Billy admonishes them, and exposits that he got a job working for a paper, but it’s just a “freebie…people are gonna line their litter boxes with them.” Meanwhile, I’d be SO THRILLED to work for a free local paper! Jake asks what Billy’s going to write about, and Billy says “Me.” Jake pushes him into the pool again, and everyone laughs in this really strange, fake way.

Allison compliments Jane on her dress, and Jane tells Allison to come down to the “bow-tique” because they got some in just like it.

Michael walks in dressed like Jerry Seinfeld in a tie and says “What’s up dudes!” He’s excited because the kid they were working on came through, so they push him into the pool and the scene ends with Jane looking like this:

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Next morning. Jane’s in the bathroom taking a pregnancy test, while Michael blabbers on in the background about how all the cool kids are going to Yosemite and so should they! But Jane’s test came back positive, and she does not look too happy about it.

Jane’s Bow-tique. Allison comes out of the dressing room, self conscious because the dress she’s trying on is see through. “Maybe with a unitard,” she says, and can I just say how much I MISS unitards? They were my wardrobe staple from ’94-I don’t even know when. I guess whenever my last one got lost or worn through. But anyway, I don’t know what Allison’s talking about in the first place. There is a very modest kind-of see through pattern through the waist section of the dress, but the dress itself is long and shows no cleavage or even arm above the elbow, and she looks nice. Relax, Allison.

But really this is all just set up anyway to have Jane tell Allison she’s pregnant. She and Michael “just got carried away one night,” and it wasn’t planned. Allison follows her around and gets excited about a baby coming to Melrose Place, but Jane seems less than thrilled as she continues to hang up clothing around the store and admits that it feels a little soon, and she hasn’t told Michael yet. On a side note, Josie Bissett looks astonishingly gorgeous in this scene, even for her.

Weird-ass yet/therefore delightful little scene of Billy typing at his computer, which is now in the living room instead of the kitchen. He exasperatedly crumples and throws away paper after paper after paper, even though he is using a word processor so I’m not sure why he needs to print out all the stuff he’s just going to throw away. I get nostalgic seeing the little holes from that old printer paper that had the perforated edges you had to tear off. Billy says, “Well, at least I still got my day job.”

Allison comes home. Will she walk through the door and judge Billy for something? Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen!

Whoa! She kind of does, but not really! While she acknowledges that the apartment’s in disarray, Allison shows compassion to Billy, smiling sympathetically and asking what happened! Billy despite having trashed the living room with paper is now cleaning the refrigerator and talking about how the article he’s working on sucks. Every time he tries to write, it sounds stupid and boring. He says that he is too ordinary, and needs to do something extraordinary! He tells Allison they’re going to Shooters, so he can at least get started on having a terrible drinking problem like a real writer!

Transition with what sounds like “Brady Bunch” music, but is actually a band in a Mexican restaurant that plays as Jane and Michael dance, while he says they could never find good Mexican restaurants in Chicago (really? I’ve only eaten ice cream in Chicago, but that still surprises me), and that he is getting drunk from the margaritas. Rather than tell Michael she’s pregnant, Jane tells him that she wants to have a baby. Michael says they’re at least five years from that, as he is just an intern (which explains why he had to use the pay phone in the other ep, I guess).

Shooters. Billy is saying that drinking and drunks are depressing. Matt and Jake join them, as Matt regales them with a story of a 12-year-old pulling a knife on a 15-year-old at the halfway house, and his delivery is downright bizarre. Maybe if Matt had been at the bar already drinking, but as it stands, his jovial tone is super weird. He and Jake both order “Beer,” which hilariously arrive in bottles labeled thusly. Billy is jealous of the kids because knives are dramatic and he is boring. Just drink your freaking shot of whiskey and pipe down, Billy. Better yet, if you hate drinking, don’t order straight-up whiskey. Though since this is a Spelling show, he probably ordered it “neat.”

Billy puts his arm around Jake and wonders after his adventures. We find out that Jake has had a cowboy boot thrown at him in a motel room, and I really wish we could watch that scene instead. Now Billy gets enamored with a guy walking in clad in spiked leather and a neck brace. He hollers across the bar to ask how the guy got the neck brace, and the guy answers, “Bungee jumping,” then as if the show heard me, he orders, “Whiskey, straight up.” Billy dashes around the bar, saying “No, have mine,” and pesters Bungee Dude for more details. Bungee Dude awesomely says, Man, it was outrageous,” and describes leaping off of a bridge. That really does sound scary. I’ve bungee jumped, but it was at a theme park with a cushion below.

Allison hasn’t judged Billy all day, so she gets her ya-yas by asking the guy why he’s wearing a neck brace if it was so great. He answers “Whiplash,” and walks away as Billy tells the other guys they need to all go bungee jumping so he can write an article about it. Way to be sexist and not invite Allison. Jake agrees, then Matt, who’s seemed shitfaced for the entire scene. Allison judges all of them in one fell swoop for their plans, and the Earth’s natural balance is restored.

Back to Jane and Michael at the Mexican restaurant, where they are now talking in a rounded booth. Michael says that he doesn’t want to be like his dad, as he and Michael’s mom started “pumping out kids” very shortly after getting married, and Michael’s always felt some resentment from them, like he’s living the life his dad wanted to have. He reminds Jane that they both have careers they care about, and we learn that Jane’s designed a line of “funky evening wear” for her bow-tique. Michael says they could get a dog, and Jane sadly goes to the bathroom.

Next morning. Allison asks Jane how Michael took the news, and Jane explains what happens. She says that if she tells Michael she’s pregnant, he’d probably want to go through with it, but she knows that’s not what he really wants. Josie Bissett does a really nice job in a very short scene of conveying her distress and confusion, and we find out that she’s possibly considering an abortion.

Michael and Jake walk down the street drinking coffee and eating donuts. Michael gives this high-as-hell sounding speech comparing relationships to donuts, and says that Jane wants to have a baby. Jake gives the obligatory line about “the idea of bringing a kid into THIS world,” and Michael says that there are a few intern dads, and none of them have happy marriages. Just as I think maybe I can like Michael a little bit here, he starts yammering on about how Jane “gets so sensitive, you wouldn’t believe it!” I actually like this scene in a way because it shows the main difference between Michael and Jake: Michael is married with a serious job, but has like zero empathy skills or self awareness. Jake has unsteady employment and women issues up the yin-yang (so to speak), but he usually owns it and like, tries to try at the very least. He might be a screw up, but I think that Jake unlike Michael would *believe* that a wife might get a little *sensitive* when she says she wants a baby and her husband is like “Lol, pshaw.”

Oh, and in keeping with the “?” theme of food on this show, albeit coffee in this case, Michael adds sugar to his coffee when there are only a few inches left and even though he is also eating a donut. People on this show are sugar fiends! But anyway, after he adds the sugar, the cup is suddenly like three-quarters full! 

Billy shows up in his cab and invites Michael to go bungee jumping. Michael politely declines. Jk, he laughs in their faces and says no.

Melrose Place. Nighttime at Rhonda and Sandy’s apartment. Sandy says that she hates fish, as Rhonda prepares some and tells Sandy that she’s going to shut up and eat it, and says Sandy needs to eat something healthy. Probably, Rhonda should just invite everyone over for dinner and pump them full of nutrients to counteract the sugar crash.

Jane pops in, manically saying that she stayed home from work to work on these dresses and makes Sandy and Rhonda try them on. She realizes they look terrible, and Rhonda says she’s shaking. Rhonda does what anyone would do when one’s friend is clearly distraught about something: dangles a dead fish in front of Jane and invites her to dinner. This prompts Jane to run to the bathroom to puke. When she’s done, Sandy asks if she’s pregnant, and Jane confirms. They congratulate her, but realize Jane’s “not exactly jumping for joy.” Jane runs out of the apartment and asks them not to say anything.

Billy’s shirtless (DRINK!), but he’s in bed having a nightmare, so it’s more appropriate than usual. He dreams of himself as a kid, climbing to a high diving board while two adults cheer him on from below — his parents? Billy the kid (!) jumps off, but becomes Billy the adult, who wakes up screaming. Allison knocks on his door for a change of pace, but when he doesn’t answer, she barges in anyway. She asks why he’s going bungee jumping, because it’s so dangerous. Billy says that his whole life, he’s done everything right and has never taken risks, and now he just has to. “A stupid, reckless risk?” Allison asks (DRINK!) and Billy says yes. She tells him to be sure they make the cord the right length, unlike these two college kids she read about recently.

Wait. Are they trying to go for some “cord” theme in this episode, between Jane’s pregnancy and bungee jumping?

Daytime at Melrose Place. Matt and Billy show up at Jake’s, who asks if they’re really going through with this. They say yes, and Jake goes to get dressed, while Billy heads to the car with Matt, who is for some reason drinking coffee out of a regular mug, even though he’s going on a road trip.

Jane goes to Allison’s place and tells her that she’s decided not to have the baby. She asks Allison to come with her to the clinic for a counseling session. Allison urges her to include Michael in the decision, and Jane says she’s just exploring her options. Allison says she will go, then kindly tells Jane that she’s so sorry she has to go through this, and hugs her. The result looks like a cover of a Sweet Valley High book where they focused on a character besides one of the Wakefields:

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Matt drives Jake and Billy in a car that looks like someone forgot to finish assembling, and they arrive at the bungee jumping bridge just in time to see someone dive off and bounce around while cheering his approval. All three guys look quite intimidated, but Jake declares, “Let’s do it!” and they all run out of the car with determination.

Clinic. A doctor confirms that Jane is indeed pregnant, and questions Jane’s choice to not tell Michael. Jane looks distraught.

Bungee Bridge, which is apparently run by “Bungeeeeee Adventure Co.” Billy for some reason reads his affidavit out loud in front of a video camera, saying that he won’t sue the company in case of death. The word “death” keeps popping up, as Billy gets increasingly nervous. Matt comes back from his jump and says it’s unbelievable and amazing. They watch Jake take his jump, and now it’s Billy’s turn!

Cut to Billy sitting on the edge of the bridge, and this really does look terrifying. The instructors count down for Billy to jump, and he flashes back to the adults cheering him on in his nightmare. Billy can’t do it, and I honestly can’t blame him.

Clinic, which is called “Womens Medical Arts,” with no apostrophe in “Womens.” Allison and Sandy are in the waiting room to support Jane, and Sandy tells a story of her own abortion when she was 16, in a monologue that Amy Locane does a good job with. I’m digging her more with each episode. She tells Allison that she could have used someone like her back then, and Sandy and Allison officially decide that they are friends.

Melrose Place at night. Rhonda goes to Jane and Michael’s to drop off some food. Jane’s not home yet, and Rhonda essentially blabs to Michael that Jane’s off having an abortion, then flees in shame after realizing that Michael didn’t know.

The Bungee Boys return. Matt and Jake tease Billy for not jumping, and they do a hilarious product placement with a Coke toast — Billy and Jake with regular, Matt with diet. They invite Jane, who walks in without Allison and Sandy for some reason, but she declines…

…and walks into her own place, where Michael is waiting in the kitchen to yell at her for aborting their baby. But Jane says that she couldn’t go through with it, so of course Michael turns on a different dime and starts yelling at Jane again for excluding him from any planning. He storms out into the main/pool area and she follows him. Everyone who’s not already outside comes to see what all the hubbub’s about. Michael spit-yells in Jane’s face before storming off, and I hate him more than ever. Poor Jane. Especially when the Bungee Boys chase after Michael, but the women just sort of stare at her from their doorways. Wtf?

Michael storms down the street while the other guys tell him to slow down. They banter some sexist comments about never trusting women; then Jake says they’re going to Shooters. So poor Michael can drink while his wife that he screamed at and ran away from can’t. “MICHAEL!”, *Fist shake* TM Jerry Seinfeld, indeed.

Jane sits by the pool as her girlfriends decide to finally show some comfort, which Rhonda does by regretting her ability to boil water and make fettuccine, rather than her big mouth. Jane worries that she’s blown it for good, as Michael loves you forever until he feels like you betrayed him. Which, okay fine, I get the dramatics of that attitude, but think that marriage still requires some give and take; Michael Mancini is not a Shakespearean king. And I agree that Jane should have communicated with him, but it’s not like she even actually had the abortion. Freakin’ Michael. Allison hands Jane a cookie. Sandy’s also eating a cookie, but I have no idea where they came from. And who eats dry cookies with nothing to wash them down?

Shooters. Michael whines about realizing he doesn’t know anything about Jane after all. The guys remind him that he loves her. He agrees but starts monologuing again (I guess as far as this show’s structure goes, he kind of is a Shakespearean king) about having a baby, and the guys are like, “Wait, what baby?” So the guys are being totally bro-tastic about how you can’t trust women and don’t even know what happened?! Ugh. Anyway, they high five Michael and say that he’s the bravest one, even though he didn’t bungee jump. They offer to buy him a congratulatory drink, but Michael realizes he needs to go home to Jane.

Jane lies in bed, staring at the wall. Michael comes home and sits on the edge of the bed, saying he really does want the baby. So does Jane. Jane and Jane alone apologizes for the goings-on, then says that Michael’s going to be the best dad. I guess so long as the kid never betrays Michael. They start kissing and just to put the gross cherry on the sundae, call each other “Mom” and “Dad.”

Allison and Billy’s. Billy finishes reading his new article out loud to Allison, who says that for a Valley boy, Billy can be surprisingly cool, and that it’s great. Billy replies, “At last, she approves,” which is actually really cute. They say goodnight to each other, and Billy goes back to typing: “Today, I saw a young man meet fatherhood and survive…Move over, Doogie Howser.”

~ THE END ~

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Melrose Place, The Recaps! S1, Ep 4: For Love Or Money

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Jane and Michael are out for a couple’s jog, smiling and not sweating at all. Michael’s wearing a Cat in the Hat t-shirt. They decide to “race each other back” through the a busy sidewalk, and I wish someone would trip them, or preferably just Michael.

Side note: It is weird to see Josie Bissett again, having just watched “Deady Vows” two days ago, wherein she frolics with Major Dad in the most unsettling of manners.

Onward: to Melrose Place! Where Jake has found a balance on the torso nudity/clothing scale, and wears a wife beater while working on his motorcycle. And drinks…something out of a mug.

Jane and Michael burst through the gates, laughing. But the mirth is short lived, as Michael says that Jake’s going to get oil spots all over the ground next to the pool and as much as I like Jake and his motorcycle, and even though one of Life’s Rules is that by default, Michael is the asshole, I have to side with him both on that (apparently there’s a garage Jake could be using and he is like RIGHT next to the pool), and on reminding Jake that his rent is due. Jake says that it’s dead in construction, but he’s gonna find something by the end of the day. The “Major Dad”/“Melrose Place” crossover immediately makes me think that means Jake is planning on somehow destroying a building so he can get work :o But that’s probably not what he meant.

D&D Advertising. Allison’s wearing really weird, shiny, baggy yet boxy, blue pants with a white t-shirt and vest. She answers the phone and says something about a “stock split,” and talks about reading The Wall Street Journal, to let us know that she may be beautiful, but she is More Than Just A Receptionist.

A guy comes over and hands Allison an envelope. She opens it, and out pops Gizmo! Not really, it’s a donut (more’s the pity), but it IS Zach Galligan, here to creep on Allison and apparently give her sugar breakfasts all week. No wonder she’s such a bitch by the time she gets home to Billy! Billy Campbell, not Billy from “Gremlins.” They flirt. Oh, that explains why Allison’s hair is so fluffy today, though I’m not sure anything can explain the shiny pants.

Background music plays that would make you think Jake’s about either do amazing work on the uneven parallel bars or fly an airplane, but instead, he walks into “CAFE AND PIZZERIA” to inquire about a Help Wanted ad. Some guy with a hoity-toity accent cops an attitude and tells Jake they don’t want someone with a second career: “actor, a writer, or a model.” Jake’s like, “I’m a hard worker.” Then there is some early ‘90s business about the big fancy coffee machine and people coming from “all over Los Angeles” to buy their coffee, and if that’s true, I’m so sure that this man would hand Jake an apron, and tell him to have at it, but that is what happens.

Allison and Zach Galligan sit together outside. He psychoanalyzes her lunch — grapes and celery, with a bit of peanut butter on the celery. She says it’s because she’s been giving him all these fattening breakfasts. I hope she has some protein bars in her desk, at least. But no time to wonder, as this episode’s breakneck speed takes us into exciting territory, as Zach actually has a really rich father! But it’s a bummer, yada yada, poor little rich boy, blah blah aren’t connections supposed to help you? At this point, I’d take a Jake/Amy Locane scene. Hell, I’d take a Dylan/Jim Walsh scene. Just end THIS scene plz. Instead, he asks her on a date and Allison says yes.

Jake can’t do his job (I’ve made some barista-y drinks in the past and worked in restaurants for 20 years and still couldn’t do his job with NO TRAINING), but luckily a chick in a leather jacket walks in, and she and Jake hug, as they haven’t seen each other since back in the day. They flirt and Jake paraphrases “Casablanca,” natch. Then there’s double entendre about Jake’s nozzle, as he leaves his job, grabbing chick (whose name I didn’t catch)’s hand, and because this is a Spelling show, she squeals in response.

They sit on his motorcycle and she reminds him of a time in the past where they “made love” and tells him she’s an art dealer. She implies she’s got a shady job he could do for her, then writes her number on his bicep. Boss comes out and makes Jake come inside, as if Jake would still have a job.

Melrose Place. Rhonda checks the mail while complaining to Matt about her bills. Matt’s got no time; he’s pissed because the Halfway House has lost so many volunteers. Rhonda offers to help and bring her chicken curry. Matt is apprehensive that Rhonda will flake, but she assures him she’ll be there.

Amy Locane comes by with a black “come and get me dress” for Allison’s date, but Rhonda gives chase, saying “Hey, that’s MY come and get me dress.” Matt’s all, “WOMEN.”

Allison’s. She’s getting ready in her puffy bathrobe. Amy Locane and Rhonda come in and excitedly show her the dress. Allison worries, “But is it me?” and HOLY CRAP, I would be way more worried about her CREEPY AND INEXPLICABLE doll shelves coming to life in the middle of the night.

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Billy barges into Allison’s room wearing only a towel (DRINK!), and makes a crack about her dating. She asks if he doesn’t have a novel to pretend to write and seriously, Allison. Maybe some raisins, even, as a late-afternoon snack. Some sunflower seeds, perhaps.

There’s a stomach-churning exchange among everyone about warfare and the battle of the sexes. Billy and his abs tell Allison she should keep this about business, not romance. Then the weirdest thing ever happens. Rhonda makes fun of Sandy’s acting, so Sandy like, pushes Rhonda’s head forward and says “Shut up.” But then when they switch shots to Billy and Allison, you see that same push happen all over again in the mirror.

Anyway, Billy goes to answer the door in his towel, and naturally, a penis-waving contest ensues between Billy and Zach Galligan. Or rather, Billy waves his around while Zach is understandably like “?”

Allison rushes out to save Zach from Billy, and she is not wearing the “come and get me dress,” but looks very nice. Next scene, she and Zach are sitting in a candlelit restaurant listening to jazz and they bond. Allison talks about how she always dreamed of being an advertiser, and would write tag lines since she was little. She “even wrote one for Zach’s dad” (who is D&D’s big “sunscreen client,” which I guess is a thing). Her tagline: “It’s hotter than a burn.” Zach tells Allison that his dad should hear it, and she self deprecates but is excited.

Melrose Place. Zach and Allison kiss, while Billy watches through the blinds.

Morning. Rhonda choreographs a new routine next to the pool. Allison is off to work. Amy comes down in a bikini and pitches herself to Allison as the sunscreen’s new model. Rhonda fishes for details about Allison’s date.

Matt comes out to remind Rhonda about tonight at the shelter. Rhonda invites Allison, but Allison says, “I wish. Some of us don’t have flexible jobs.” Rhonda goes, “Well, some of us don’t have boyfriends on the job either.”

Wait. What?

Perry (the woman from Jake’s past) shows up, so of course Amy Locane does her best to cockblock. She leaves and Amy Locane calls her a “bitch” under her breath, then smiles at her cleverness.

D&D and oh, how times have changed from Scene One, as this time there’s a manila envelope on Allison’s desk, only it’s holding a red rose. The big boss walks in and comments on Allison’s admirer. Allison tries to talk business, but Big Boss is in a hurry, and tells Allison to take time to smell the roses, because she never did.

Matt rushes into the shelter. Rhonda comes in and he calls her “Saint Rhonda,” then says she’s a couple of hours early but he can really use the help. But she cancels, saying she forgot she’d cover a class and has cardio funk in 10 minutes. He’s like but I bought all these ingredients for chicken curry. She brought the recipe and is apologetic, but Matt is really mad and says “Say what you always say: Next time Matt, I promise.”

D&D. Allison overhears Zach pitching Big Boss the whole sunscreen tagline and advertising idea she told him about last night at dinner. She storms up and pulls Zach aside. He runs into the men’s bathroom and she follows him, pulling him back into the hallway and calling him out on stealing her pitch. He says he had the same idea last week and then utters possibly the most amazing line yet of the series:

“Don’t you know? Everyone listens to the same shock jocks. Everyone watches the same MTV spots.” While I LOL, Allison grabs him. There’s a lot of GRABBING each other in the office on this show. She says she was naive and walks away…

…into Big Boss’s office, who’s “just working on some footage for the ‘hotter than a burn’ campaign.” Allison tells her that Zach stole her idea. Long story short: He said/she said, and Big Boss advises Allison Woman to Woman that she needs to develop a tougher skin, and next time, not to blab her ideas all over town. Allison dramatically says, “I don’t think there’ll be a next time,” and walks out of the office while Big Boss sighs and leans agains the door jamb for some reason while background music plays that may have been recycled for that scene when Kelly meets Dylan at his cabana that one time.

Allison packs up her desk and leaves D&D.

Remember the other scenes with Jake and his boss at the coffee shop? Well, here is the exact same scene again, some more, until Jake walks out of HIS job. I wish I could afford to storm out of jobs I didn’t like and still live in Melrose Place. Jake calls up Perry and says, “Let’s talk.”

Perry and Jake at her boss’s art studio. Basically, she wants Jake to pretend to be an artist and she’ll pimp him out. Then she pours yellow paint on him. He pours red paint on her, then says: “I always liked you in red.” Then SHE says: “You always liked me in BED.” And she and Jake start making out, sticking their tongues out like lizards, as he shoves her up against the wall.

Melrose Place. Matt is swimming when Rhonda comes home, and ignores her when she tries to talk to him. But she’s not having it, and tells him they have to deal with this. He says it’s always the same old story; she ditches him whenever something better comes along, and she’s self absorbed. I can see where Matt’s coming from in terms of this being a pattern, but I don’t think he’s being fair in this case. She came to him in person hours before she was supposed to be there to let him know, and it was an honest mistake involving her job. Not everyone in Melrose Place can just up and quit! Rhonda calls him out on never having come to one of her classes, and that he acts like he’s the only one around here who works hard, when she in fact, busts her ass. Matt and Rhonda are probably my favorite pair on the show right now, and I really like this scene!

Billy comes into Allison’s room, who has the curtains drawn and the ice cream out. Oh, and Cap’n Crunch on her bed! I like this Allison! Billy comes in and tells her that she needs to get out of bed; her room looks scary. I AGREE BILLY. But he is referring to the mess, not the dolls.

Allison mopes that she can’t play their game. Billy says it’s the same game everywhere and you just have to “Do Something!” Was this written before or after Andrew Shue started Do Something? He yells at her (in a nice way) to get up and go do her thing! And she thanks him sincerely, which is nice. In the meantime, I like how this episode, Allison is like Claudia Kishi meets Lorelai Gilmore in terms of eating habits.

D&D. Allison waltzes in with her box o’ stuff and starts unpacking as Big Boss walks in, who does not call security, and does not say, “Bitch, your ass was replaced five minutes after you stomped out of here.” Instead, Big Boss says “I wasn’t sure we’d see you here again,” like it’s a Bible study or poker night or something instead of a paying job at a high-profile LA advertising agency. I mean, it was unbelievable enough that Jake could storm out of and back into his cafe job where everyone travels to buy their freakin’ macchiatos, but this is just…

Anyway, Big Boss feels bad and doesn’t want Allison to “feel disgruntled.” Allison gives her icy eyes and says, “Don’t worry about it. I’m over it.” Big Boss says that she wants Allison to work with Zach to pitch tomorrow at some big meeting. Allison’s like, I don’t think so. Big Boss tells Allison to take it from an old warrior, and take a break when she’s given one. Allison’s she’s wearing that ‘80s Professional Barbie who’s name I never remember’s suit.

Perry’s art party for Jake, where to add to the already-existing Sean Young vibe she’s got going on, is wearing leather pants. In case we’ve forgotten since the exposition from every other Jake scene since episode one and also “90210,” we are helpfully reminded that Jake doesn’t like being told what to do and is A Rebel.

On “Melrose Place,” even art studios can’t contain men’s bare torsos, as Perry introduces a shirtless dude in a red robe and blue bandanna to Jake. She then proceeds to get everyone’s attention and unveil Jake’s “art,” which looks like this (minus the pause and volume indicators!):

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Some people ooo and ahhh. Shirtless Dude asks Jake what it’s about. Jake says, “Sex. Death. Rock and Roll.” My “Shut up, Jake” threshold is higher than for most, but that line almost reached it.

Um. Okay. So Allison is alone in Big Boss’s office, looking at footage from her stolen Hot Sunscreen ad, with her feet on the desk. You’d think Allison had compromising photos of Big Boss, not just some butthurt. Zach walks in with a huge bag of Chinese food, and it’s kind of hilarious when Allison spits out that “dumplings” aren’t going to woo her. Even with Chinese food, Allison goes straight for the pastry. She then gives this weird speech that’s like an 11th-hour bad-guy reveal in a Lifetime movie, about how Women Can Be Cutthroat Too. I do get a good chuckle out of “Three days ago, I was a dreamer. I’ve grown up.”

Then she sits down and leans forward, and now that we can no longer see her ridiculous white pants, it is much easier to take the scene (slightly more) seriously. Allison says okay, she’ll cooperate and play as a team — “What do you got? You know, ad lines?” He leans back and says “Ladies first,” and she says he’s got nothing. Then the scene spirals rapidly downhill but in a glorious way, as they have the weirdest back and forth like, “I’ll be there.” “And I’LL be there.” And a few more lines like that, which make it sound like a comedic scene, but I think it’s supposed to be suspenseful. Or sexy. It’s really hard to tell on “Melrose Place,” especially with the blaring background music that was sort of ubiquitous back during that time, with horns and synthesizers and “come hither” vibe. Like they took “You Belong to the City” and sold it for parts.

Perry/Jake’s art party. He finds Perry in some weird closet doing coke and he starts yelling at her. And it’s like okay, I don’t like to be around coke either, but this is all of a sudden what triggers your long-lost morality, Jake? The stealing from an entire building of people, not so much?

Jake storms back into the party. Then despite being the one NOT on coke, he for some reason kind of pushes this random girl in the gallery, despite its not being crowded, and tells Shirtless Dude, “Surprise! I’m a fake!” He takes his painting off the wall and gives it to him. Perry follows him, and Jake tells her he’s “going as far away from (his) life as (he) can possibly get.” Perry goes back inside the party, and hopefully that’s the last of that.

Matt’s sitting outside his apartment doing work in some binder whilst wearing a backwards cap. Allison thinks he’s driven, and that’s great. She gives a speech about how you have to take no prisoners, etc. and Matt calls her ruthless. She stops in her tracks, and for this out-of-nowhere special moment, the show has found new background music! It’s emotional piano, and it is jarring. Allison crosses her arms and asks, “Don’t you have to be (ruthless)?” She projects all over the place, and leaves with her arms swinging like a foot away from her body as the music switches back to Sexytime.

D&D. Allison walks in and is suddenly nervous for some reason, despite acting like Macauley Culkin in “Home Alone” just a day ago. She meets with Big Boss, Zach, and Zach’s dad, the Sunscreen King.

Allison pitches a new sunscreen ad that I actually kind of like. Zach gets up and “pitches” a morbid and uninspired campaign and everyone’s embarrassed. He sits down, about to come clean, but Allison saves his ass and pretends he helped with the group assignment. It’s sweet, and he looks grateful, but is totally non-stealth when he stage whispers “Thanks, Allison” when his father is sitting right next to him.

Rhonda’s aerobics class. People are working out and shouting “Whooo!” and wearing those exercise outfits that I miss. I don’t understand why that’s not a thing anymore. They don’t have to be neon if people don’t want! Though I so would. Can someone bring these back, please? Matt walks in wearing a political t-shirt and he and Rhonda make up and dance together, and it’s cute.

D&D. Big Boss says she knows what Allison did and it was very kind, but Allison said she did it for herself. There is a giant Hershey’s kiss on Allison’s desk from Zach. Big Boss and Allison use sports metaphors to let us know that Allison’s Going Places.

Shooters. A guy playing pool looks to be dressed in my green yummy sushi pajama top. And speaking of metaphors, Jake chalks up his stick as Amy Locane walks over. They do their usual dance, but Jake gets nicer more quickly than usual, and they bond over wishing they could forget their bad pasts. Amy Locane says that’s why she became an actress, so she could keep pretending to be different people. Jake tells her that he’s selling his bike to make money. She kisses his cheek; he puts his arm around her fondly, then says, “Let’s play some pool.” Those two need more scenes like that!

Jake tries to sell his bike. The guy can’t buy right now, but wants to hire whoever built the bike as a mechanic, as “He’s an artist.” Jake goes, “When do I start?” Hooray!

Halfway House. Rhonda, Amy Locane, and Allison walk in with groceries, singing “I’ll Be There.” Matt’s very happy and Rhonda’s like, “See? I told you so.” She and Amy Locane leave, while Allison lags behind and tells Matt she’s done with her 24-hour cutthroat attitude, as “Some things are more important than advertising.” Matt’s like, “Yeah, being a good person is the best,” then yells, “Chow time!” They all serve food to the kids, so I guess that the groceries the ladies brought are for tomorrow.

~ THE END ~

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10 Things Witnessed In My Ambitious Morning Quest to Buy Soda Pop

1. A really cool giant-sized version of a red student’s desk outside Venue 515 (the art studio in town).

2. A pedi-cab?! The New Yorker in me wonders if he’s earning extra income, but the Manitoid is thinking it’s just…Manitou :-D

3. $1.87/gallon gas!!!!! Holy wow. One step closer to fulfilling that one meme’s life dream (“I don’t need to be rich. I just want to stare off into the distance while pumping gas”).

4. Joggers, pissing me off with their energy.

5. The incline, covered with snow and reminding me to get back to the gym so that joggers don’t piss me off with their energy.

6. Despite not exercising enough, a number on the scale that I haven’t seen since March (in a good way).

7. A dumpster diver who looked up at me all terrified when I made a parking lot U-turn, then went right back to what he was doing. I guess that middle-aged blonde chicks in sweatshirts and dirty Cavaliers are no longer considered intimidating.

8. 40s of OLDE E!!! Which I haven’t seen in quite awhile now. I know I’ve had a couple since moving to Colorado, but I never remember which places sell them.

9. A minivan bursting into the loop (though not The Loop), terrifying everyone in its midst.

10. People filling the town, and appreciating all over again how absolutely gorgeous and wonderful Manitou Springs is, and how incredibly blessed I am to live here.

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Melrose Place, The Recaps! S1, Ep3: Lost and Found

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Billy walks into a jazz club with slicked-back hair and dances with a Marilyn-Monroe-esque chick but her dress is red not white. They speak in I think French accents and then we switch to see that this is actually Billy’s script that he’s writing on a computer in the kitchen. Allison waltzes in and judges Billy (drink!) for “burning the midnight oil.” She reminds him that he was supposed to pick up his cab an hour ago, while Billy excitedly hunts and pecks away, saying just a few more pages and he’ll be done. Allison asks whatever happened to writing a novel, and Billy implies that he’s Selling Out.

Billy says “Latah, doll,” as Allison leaves the apartment and runs into Michael, who is cleaning the pool while Jane is like grabbing him from behind and rubbing all up on him while Michael acts WAY more pleased than I’d personally enjoy seeing from others on my way to work. They talk about their sexy evening planned for later and start making out fiercely and won’t even go inside their apartment; she just kind of slams him against the door while they talk about hot dogs and watching “Ghost,” in between kisses.

Oh new scene, thank God. Well…maybe. Amy Locane bounces down the steps to the basement laundry room, wearing a super-cute, orangey halter dress with white embroidery. And lo and behold, but Jake is there too! We get the requisite scene from every show ever, where the single guy doesn’t know how to separate his laundry. She stalkily asks who the new lucky girl is, since the only time he washes his sheets is after he’s been with someone new. She gets jealous of Kelly, but he sets the record straight that “nothing’s happened and nothing’s gonna happen.” He says that “Tonight, at dinner, I’m gonna lay it on the line.” Once again, Sandy acts like Jake’s leading her on, when really I don’t get that at all. It seems like they (Jake and Sandy) dated and yeah she got dumped, but I don’t think he’s really indicated based on anything we’ve seen that he’s even trying to hook up with Sandy again, never mind date her.

The GAP, where we get yet another scene of Kelly’s friends telling her she’s being ridiculous. The entire scene is pale blue and white, and Steve wears sunglasses inside the store.

Michael’s cancelling his and Jane’s sexy date! He calls her and she gets all >:o as he blames work. Even if I didn’t know Michael Mancini’s legacy already, it’s pretty obvious that he’s lying as he gives not only way too many details as to why he’s “on call,” but downright bizarre ones that make it sound like he’s not just lying, put possibly tripping. Meanwhile, I know that we’ve made a great deal of technological advances since the early ‘90s, but would an important surgeon in a hospital need to use a pay phone?

D&D Advertising, with Allison at the reception desk and a plum shade of carpeting on the floor that I’m really digging. Billy shows up to interrupt Allison at work to show her the first 20 pages of his screenplay, which is called The Big Shock. She congratulates him, but looks increasingly dismayed upon finding out that she’s the first person who’s looking at this, and he needs her to read it by tonight, as tomorrow, he’s “dropping it off at every agent’s desk in town.” Allison says she has to work late and he ignores her, saying “I feel like a real writer now. Feels good.”

Melrose Place. Sandy leaves for work as Jane gets out of the pool. She’s bummed for Jane that Michael cancelled their date. They sit on lounge chairs together, and Jane’s bathing suit is really cool — a muted-teal-and-purple one piece with black stripes and polka dots. Sandy tells Jane that she should come to Shooters that night. It starts as a sweet invitation, then becomes increasingly hostile, as she dares Jane to come and prove she’s “not a prisoner of that wedding band.” Jane shoos her away. Sandy bends over and says “I double-dogggg dare ya.” Like that changes everything.

Jane shows up at Michael’s work. She’s holding a cardboard box with three burning candles in it, which can’t be safe, and what looks like some kind of pastry and…two cups of soup? Michael and his coworkers look all awkward, while poor Jane just stands their holding her fire hazard, until finally the others leave.

Oh, it’s not a pastry but I guess those hot dogs they talked about before (it’s some kind of anniversary, though I can’t bear to rewind and find out what kind). Maybe those containers are beans or something. For some reason, the food on Aaron Spelling shows is often so confusing, like I NEVER know what’s going on at the Walshes’ dinner table unless Brandon’s making his “Dim Sum and Den Sum” joke. Anyway, Michael of course gets beeped, so it’s sad, but on the plus side, we finally get answers — the cups hold chili in one, cheese and onions or possibly sauerkraut in the other. And there’s a tape player inside the box.

Michael starts stammering about how it’s “showtime” for the biopsy, as he fumbles with his purple stethoscope and in general acts like someone who’s forgotten his lines in a play and is doing his best to get back on track, only this is a television show. He tells Jane to go out with her friends and have fun. She blows out the candles that have not dripped even a tiny bit of wax.

Shooters. Jane and Rhonda hang out, as across the way, they and Sandy who has the most free time of any busy club waitress I’ve ever seen, eye that guy from “LOST” whose name I forget atm. Sandy is still weirdly over invested in Jane’s sex life and encourages her to flirt with “LOST” guy’s friend. Jane takes off her wedding ring and puts it in her pocket, as “LOST” guy and his friend come over to their table.

Melrose Place. Allison gets home while Matt comes out of his apartment dressed like Jerry Seinfeld. He invites her to a party he’s going to with “wild times…wild people,” and I don’t know how wild you can get in a sports jacket, but he’s really trying to sell it, so I’m trying to believe. But Allison’s all grumble grumble I’m tired and I feel her, but seriously I do not remember Allison being such a constant pill. But it also turns out she has a reason here, as Billy’s screenplay is terrible, and she doesn’t know what to do. Because Billy is clearly insane, and has gone off to turn in his cab. So does she hurt his feelings, or encourage him to chase his dream while he sinks into poverty? Matt kisses her on the cheek and is like, “Okay but seriously, now you’re bumming out my party spirit,” and leaves, but not before he suggests making Billy dinner to soften the blow.

Shooters. Weird and uncomfortable scene of Jane and Rhonda and the two dudes flirting.

Billy walks into his apartment and goes “Luuuucy, I’m hooooome!” Allison tells him she’s making “tuna casserole for two,” which, do people say that? He thinks this means she wants to congratulate him, and he picks her up and spins her around. She stalls by saying that the pasta’s boiling over.

Jake and Kelly at the supermarket, so clearly we’re in for something really special. Sure enough, it’s one of those “Jake has more pride than money” scenes, so Kelly puts back a humongous container of cookie dough ice cream.

Sighhhh. Shooters. Jane and Rhonda play pool with their dudes, and Rhonda’s upset when Jane wants to go home instead of to another club with the dudes.

Billy goes on about his screenplay as he and Allison eat dinner. Their table looks like it would be in Luke’s Diner. Finally, Allison tells the truth and it is HILARIOUS:

Allison: I hated it.

Billy: What did you hate about it?

Allison: Everything.

Which made me LOL, because HARSH, but then it gets even better when Billy gets really pissed off in the manner of Bobby Brady. He calls her casserole lousy. She says, “If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen.” Billy snarls, “Fine. I WILL,” and leaves the apartment. In other news, Allison’s shirt color matches Billy’s now-empty chair.

Jane dances with that guy at a new club and gets uncomfortable when he gets too grabby. So naturally, he starts quoting Percy Shelley at her. We find out that Jane minored in Romantic Lit. He goes to kiss her and she rebuffs him. She tells him that she’s married. He says he doesn’t see a ring (just when I thought I could make a whole day without “Frozen” in my head!), and she’s like, “Oh it’s right here in my jacket pocket that’s casually flung over the couch,” until she realizes it’s gone :o Just like Kelly Taylor does in the future, only with Brandon’s engagement ring.

NotMichael

Jake slices onions while Kelly tries to seduce him and he resists, then gets a phone call, which he responds to cryptically.

Shooters. Billy mopes at the bar while…eating a Mounds bar. Allison shows up and sits next to him. She says she had to be honest with him. He says he was so proud to finally complete something, then brings up his daddy issues. She says that sometimes it takes awhile to get where you want to go. Yada yada yada, believe in yourself.

Kelly turns off the lights in Jake’s apartment and tries to seduce him on the couch. They have yet another conversation about how wrong he is for her, but how she understands him. She starts to kiss him, but there’s a knock on the door and it’s some chick with ‘80s-video hair. It’s made pretty obvious that she was on the cryptic phone call from before, but that it wasn’t about a date, but a ploy to make Jake seem like a player. This chick is all “Didn’t we have a date?” and Kelly’s all :o Chick who’s name is “Marg” leaves while he follows her and they confirm my suspicions about the ruse!

Kelly cries in the living room. He gives her the Tough Sell, and says that he feels nothing for her. She says she has to leave but “For what it’s worth? I loved you.” After she shuts the door, Jake looks all sad and conflicted.

Jane crawls around on the floor, looking for her ring. Peter (the dude she was flirting with) asks why she did it, and she gives a long speech while making me really scared that she’s going to cut her leg on some broken glass, as she doesn’t just crawl around, but drags herself around.

Melrose Place. Rhonda makes out with the guy from “LOST,” then they all part ways. Rhonda says they’ll call the club tomorrow to check on the ring, and Jane talks like Dorothy, saying everything she wanted was here all along.

Jane walks inside her apartment to find an open bottle of Scotch and Michael acting accusatory. She confesses that she went to Shooters and starts to say more, but he shushes her and they make out while walking into their bedroom, where he’s lit candles and prepared hot dogs (so to speak).

Allison comes out of the apartment to find Billy burning his screenplay in the barbecue. He says he’s not giving up though, that next time he’ll write about his real experiences. Then he compliments her tuna casserole.

Oh geez. Jake and Sandy play pool at Shooters. She says that he did the right thing by dumping Kelly. He says Kelly was the only person who ever made him feel good about himself. Sandy stalks off, butthurt. But lo, if it isn’t a good turn of events! As someone taking out the trash finds Jane’s ring!

Jane and Michael have post-coital time. She starts telling him that something happened, but is interrupted by a knock at the door. It’s Sandy with ring! Jane is very happy — crisis averted! Until Michael shows up at the door! Jane looks terrified! Sandy covers for her, saying that she found it in the laundry room.

ANOTHER Jake/Sandy scene, as he drinks coffee outside his apartment and they bond over developing hearts and being late bloomers. Then they go to their separate places, but not before exchanging a Meaningful Look.

~ THE END ~

Posted in Celebrities, Childhood, Entertainment, Intentionally Cheesy Movie Night, Melrose Place Recaps, Miscellaneous, Romance, TV, Women | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

10 Reasons For My Thankfulness In 2014

Nine years ago, I posted a blog on Myspace, a list of “Reasons I’m Sad Today.” Myspace was awesome for such vents (Holler, Gena!), and even though my blog was a bit of a pity party, I felt loved not judged when my BFF Shannon responded with her own list of why I should feel happy today. She both debated my own posts and added her own, really sweet comments.

So now that 2014’s coming to a close, I wanted to post:


10 Reasons For My Thankfulness In 2014

1. Going to sleep next to not only the man I love, but one who understands the importance of “cozy.” While I’m content with just falling in and wrapping scattered blankets around me, he gets all “Judi, this can’t be comfortable!,” and makes the bed properly, even sometimes when I’m laying in it.

2. Waking up next to him, and how hard it is to leave the bed of warmth and oftentimes, Doctor Von Rockenstein.

3. Doctor Von Rockenstein and Chip. Doc’s lived in literally I think 10 places since getting adopted from the farm, and Chip was originally found in a trash can :( Oh, and both of them have flown in the scary basement of an airplane when we moved to Colorado. Throughout all of it, for some reason, they both still love and trust me.

4. My apartment. I didn’t think anything could beat out my first Merrick apartment, but the current one does. If I’m ever blessed to have a baby, we could even still live here. It feels like a mini-house, and we have amazing neighbors.

5. Morgan. That’s my friends’ two-year-old, and she is just my favorite baby in the entire world. She’s beautiful and freaking hilarious. When she comes over for me to watch her, all she wants to do (besides exhibit her verbal brilliance!) is climb up and down, up and down the stairs. Just like when my brother Eric was a baby (20-something years difference notwithstanding), I find energy within myself that I didn’t know was there. But once that runs out and I tell her, “No more stairs plz!” Morgan is just like, “Oh okay.” Then she gets obsessed with pens. Love her.

6. That come January, Morgan might have to settle for a tie as Favorite Baby, because my brother Robb’s wife Amy is about to give birth to a little girl. Since 1980, there was absolutely no one in the world that I cared about more than my brother/s. When my mother told me of Robb’s plans to propose to Amy in Niagara Falls, I burst into tears in the Waldbaum’s shopping center, where both he and Eric had worked. When I saw he and my beyond-beautiful-in-every-way sister-in-law say “I do,” I couldn’t have been happier. Until I found out that they were having a baby. Can’t wait to meet you, Blank Elizabeth <3

7. The Ramble family. I’ve yet to go to one, but that’s how strong the group is. It emanates – no, moreso personifies true agape love. The kind of love where no matter what happens, how awful this world can be, will always stay stronger and brighter than anything else. They’ve made me feel like maybe just maybe, it’s okay that I no longer live among my oldest and dearest friends in New York, because life throws incredible curve balls, and it’s important that you have others to lean on. And that even at this stage in the game, it’s not just possible to find new friends, but amazing new friends who challenge and inspire you.

8. The Townhouse Lounge. Earlier in the year, my parents were gracious enough to let me work for them, four days a week. When I gave my two-week’s notice to Rachelle, I cried. And she was so sweet, hugged me in the teeny-tiny nostalgic office that most people don’t get the honor of seeing. When I said that I really had wanted to tell both her and Chad in person, she was like, “Well I can wait; you can talk to Chad yourself.” So of course, I cried some more and then when I did talk to Chad, I said “I really wish I could work here on Mondays, with Pete, and just still be here.” (Monday was the day I didn’t work at my parents’ office, due to Josh’s and my then-car/school schedule.)

Chad was like, “Oh! Well if that’s the case, I’ll talk to Shelley (Chelley?). At the end of the day, we have to go with what’s best for the business, but just like how we keep Eric here (the awesome mailman in town, bartender on Thursdays, and fellow “Survivor” fan!) one day a week, we always want people we know aren’t going to steal from us and are trustworthy employees.

Long story shorter, I’m still there and the other night got to go to an amazing Christmas party with people at the first place in Colorado besides my parents’ that felt like home. Thank you, Townhouse <3

9. Getting to work at Jan-Pro. My whole body was just giving out on me, painwise when I literally begged my parents to let me work there. When “Survivor” did their preview for the next season: “White/Blue/No Collar,” I realized I’m more No Collar than anything, but if there’s no third-party option, I’m for sure blue collar throughout. I have my BA (in English, hence certain options or lack thereof!), but I never feel more alive than when I’m running around, talking to strangers or better yet regulars, and cleaning up. I didn’t want to stop being FT at Townhouse, but there’d been a recent and lovely development of tennis elbow and the weirdest, most painful foot…something. So getting to work at a place where I could sit was good not so much for my weight, but for overall body issues as 40 approaches this blue-collar-since-’92 chick.

10. My Nanny Posch. This second half of a year has been hard, like a lot harder than I’d have expected. She was almost 92 and while science was never my best subject, I’d been “ready” for her death for awhile now. Until I wasn’t. She was my other mother since I was a baby. She made everything so beautiful and amazing and wonderful, just like she was. When I went to her house where we stayed for her wake and funeral, the absence of her presence from the favorite home I’d ever known was so palpable. I missed her voice, her twinkly eyes, her curly hair, her laugh, her sarcasm. God, I just miss her.

Now it’s Christmastime, and nothing ever said Christmas to me more than Nanny. So I’m doing my best to honor her. I still don’t have Santa Claus soaps, but I’ve placed my Christmasy belongings of hers around the apartment whilst decorating. Soon, I’ll make her sherbet punch in the bowl and cups I was so honored to get from her home. And we’ll keep her memory alive, as despite my ambivalent faith, hope that somewhere, she’s with Pop-Pop now, and happier than ever.
docruxton

PS So many amazing people in my life had incredibly good things happen in their lives this past year! I’m so thankful for all of them too! I love Morrissey (though not as much as my brothers and Jordan do!), but I really am happy when my friends become successful, whatever kind of success that is! I’ve seen incredible, kindhearted, brilliant people get married, move, have babies, and make really big life decisions. It’s all so great, and thank you to anyone reading because if you think it may apply to you, it probably does!!! Cheers to 2015 <3

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Melrose Place, The Recaps! S1, Ep2: Friends and Lovers

 

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Okay, they fixed the credits. Grant Show is naked in front of the refrigerator; everyone has a new set of round-lensed sunglasses and a bodysuit under jeans. Andrew Shue looks less coked out in his action headshot. Essentially, this is the “Melrose Place” I remember.

4616! The big, white CAPS follow-up credits let us know that we shall once again be treated to “90210” guest stars, and the simple-yet-beautiful pool is seriously making me want to go swimming.

What are the odds that someone with the last name “Saldana” guest appears on this show the night after I watch “Guardians of the Galaxy?” Anyway, I guess that “Melrose Place” is going for a theme in its openings, as Allison is Goldilocksing that the coffee is too strong. Billy is wearing scrubs for some reason, in keeping with his career fluidity. Allison whines that Billy is reading her paper before her. Pipe down Allison; I could see if he was mucking up your crossword puzzle, but he’s just educating himself.

Oh nm, I think Billy’s just wearing a baggy blue V-neck. He reminds Allison that her job description does not include having sex with Bad Parking Boss, but she is still worried about getting fired.

Jake has a Bad Shower Experience, possibly uses Mane and Tail shampoo, and while clad in just a towel (DRINK!), storms over to the Mancinis’.

There are so many things to say about this scene, that it boggles the mind:

 Jake ACTING up a storm, pounding on the door, yelling at Michael, and doing this really intense thing with both his forehead and index finger.

Michael dressed like he’s going to work at either Staples or Target.

Amy Locane wandering down the stairs in babydoll lingerie, more Lucy from “Dracula” than ever.

Michael and Jake doing their best to turn an exchange about calling a plumber into something really tough.

Jake is sporting Peter Petrelli’s hairstyle, while Amy Locane’s low-riding, pale-blue scrunchie reminds us that she’s Still Kinda Ingenue, and once again instead of a Grant Show/Hot Blonde hookup, we get a super-boring conversation. On the plus side, Amy Locane invites him to Shooters for a free beer later.

Michael makes a cheese sandwich of some nature and the best way I can explain it is to tell you to think of any “Disgusting Food from the ‘70s” cookbook/blog, and you’ll be well on your way.

Holy crap, only four minutes in? Jane talks about a dream while putting on a jacket that looks like an umbrella from the Museum Store at Roosevelt Field.

 Yada yada, doomed Mancini “love” scene. Michael’s a dick, and not in the fun way yet.

Oh Lord. D&D scene; Allison stands up to BPB and says “harassment” with emphasis on the first syllable. And turns out that someone else has filed charges against BPB.

Billy’s quit Arthur Murray to get his 179th job in as many minutes, so as to drive a cab! He shows up at Allison’s job and they flirt.

Not sure what is going on here, but Amy Locane is getting rejected by someone who is not Ileana Douglas, but in that vein (a casting director?), and NotIleana says, “Boobs. All I see is cleavage.” And while Amy Locane is rocking a Kelly-Bundy-esque top and looking gorgeous as always, I literally see barely any cleavage whatsoever.

Kelly’s here to let Jake know that Erin was born. Amy Locane mocks her because bitches be jealous.

Grant Show at the unemployment office, wearing another denim shirt, but this time over a black t-shirt, rather than under a leather jacket.

Billy picks up some girl and his cab and I KNOW that I know this actress, but if I venture into the Internet right now, this blog won’t get finished until next May.

They have a conversation about LA as Billy drives and does not look at the road at all. She jumps into the front seat and tells Billy that he looks just like Springsteen, and they realize that they were both at The Boss’s concert, back in the day. “Sexual tension” ensues.

Unemployment office. Jake sticks up for the woman on line in front of him. Kelly wanders in as the clerk calls security on Jake and calls him “Punk.”

Kelly’s card is declined, as she tries to save Jake…somehow, and finds out that Jake has “priors,” as he’s lived “a colorful life.”

Billy and That Chick. They creepily try to make eating fruit into something sensual, then fall on the couch making out. Allison comes home to cockblock, but they go into his room.

Allison spackles in overalls while getting butthurt over hearing Billy’s bedroom activities. He comes out of the room and she gives him shit. And once again the show is like “Christopher Returns” from “Gilmore Girls,” as Allison sadly says, “I thought we were going to paint.”

Next morning. Billy lets Allison know he didn’t have sex with Marcy (Mercy?), and Billy calls Allison out on her jealousy. Ma/ercy eats Allison’s grapefruit, and lets everyone know that she’s a dental student. Then she and Billy make out.

Unemployment office. Jake yells at Kelly for bailing him out and says that they’re from different worlds! Kelly says that she understands him. He storms off.

Ma/ercy is lighting candles all over the place at Billy’s place. She fluffs up her hair, and is surprised/disappointed to see Allison walk through the door, not Billy. Allison is nice and a gracious host. Jk, she’s bitchy like normal. Ma/ercy calls Allison out on being possessive of Billy, especially since Billy only moved in a few days ago.

Billy comes home with groceries that awesomely include the Standard Baguette, only in plastic, updated for the ‘90s. Ma/ercy comes up to kiss him, and Billy gets rightfully creeped out by Allison’s glaring at them from the couch.

Jane, writing at her desk. Michael comes up and they argue about their dead romance.

Allison storms into their apartment to yell about Marcy — officially, thanks Allison! She says that she hates being treated like she’s not even there, which helps Jane and Michael Understand Each Other. Then Allison rudely asks if she can stay there tonight, and I’m sorry but really? If you ARE jealous, like everyone but you seems to recognize, then fine. But don’t say you’re not jealous, then try to keep yet another couple from “making love,” as you creepily keep saying. You live 10 feet away.

Meanwhile, Jane’s wearing a different Museum Store umbrella as a shirt.

Marcy over-inserts herself into Melrose Place, as they randomly all have a barbecue. Steve is there, and Amy Locane talks his ear off, referring to Charles Nelson Reilly, as the show once again keeps up to date with what the young people were into, thenadays.

Steve invites Amy Locane to “a high-school party,” but they get interrupted by Marcy who introduces herself as Billy’s “lover — (she) can say that, can’t (she)?” Steve speaks for all of humanity when he says no.

Amy Locane accosts Jake at his place, but he tells her that it’s none of her business, while she takes her normal 10 times the length of time to say sentences over any other person in the world.

Michael studies in a more aggressive way than I’ve ever seen anyone study, while Billy worries as he sees Marcy charming Rhonda and Steve. Jane comes up and gets Billy to realize that he does not at all love Marcy. He vents to Allison, who calls Marcy aggressive.

Billy has a random fantasy involving Dr. Ruth and Marcy dressed like a Backstreet Boy.

Nighttime. Michael tries to fix the plumbing, as Jake comes home and saves the day. They have a really long and boring conversation about relationships, then Jane comes out and passive aggressively says “Good night.” Michael sits there holding his tool and looks thoughtful.

Billy watches a science show about spiders, realizing that he’s dating a black widow. Marcy tells him, “I think I love you,” and talks about blowing off school.

Next morning. Allison once again acts as though Billy’s her husband, and he comes out of the shower with his hair slicked back into an even more intense mullet than usual. He and Allison have some more back and forth regarding their relationshipnotrelationship.

The “90210” kids! While I know that Steve and Kelly are both also there, all I can see is Donna’s tangerine and purple ensemble. 

Jake rides up on his motorcycle, and gives Kelly $200 to go away. She throws it back at him, and he gets right back on his motorcycle, as slow jam music plays in the background.

Shooters! Billy walks in dressed like (Where’s?) Waldo, says “I’ll have what he’s having,” buys Jake a beer, and seeks relationship advice. Amy Locane is bartending. Jake finally asks her out (relatively) properly, but she rather awesomely turns him down, saying she has way too much respect for herself to be someone’s second choice.

Oh boy. It’s a Billy/Marcy scene, as she sidles up to him in a bright cherry-red ensemble like no one did better than an Aaron Spelling cast member. But he says “We need to talk. REALLY talk!” And you can probably fill in the rest of the blanks. Hopefully, because I’m not in the mood.

Jane/Michael scene (and I just now realized the “Mary Poppins” shoutout there). Michael is working at his desk in a room that’s really messing with my head, like it was either a used bookstore or some forgotten crawl space room in my godmother’s house — anyone’s guess, but it’s freaking me out, yet keeps me blissfully distracted from this boring-ass scene. When does Sydney get here, again?!

On the positive side, I will say that it’s entirely possible that Josie Bissett is the only person in the universe who could look quite so lovely in a baggy lavender sweatshirt.

Jake pounding on Kelly’s door…somewhere? Her hotel? Her room number is 59, in a shoutout to Josh. He apologizes for how he’s treated her, and both actors do some IMO really nice work in this short but sweet scene.

Billy and Allison paint, and talk about the demise of his three-day relationship with Marcy. Then the show ends with a pan out from the window, as if it were a scene of Angelus stalking the Summers house in Season 2 of “Buffy.”

~ THE END ~

Posted in Apartments & Other Domiciles, Celebrities, Childhood, Entertainment, Intentionally Cheesy Movie Night, Melrose Place Recaps, Miscellaneous, Romance, TV, Women | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment